The return, at long last, of the Youngs' au pair from her selfishly long holiday meant we were back in the Poker suite. Also making a welcome return from their holiday among the tattooed chavs in Turkey, were Jude & Dean, complete with tans and slim physiques, but minus one camera. The babysitter provided by the hotel was the prime suspect of the criminal investigation into the theft, that is assuming they actually had a camera, which is how the hotel's very own Inspector Clouseau began his inquiries.
Play kicked off at 20:29, with Bea acting all chastened, after having dug up the tubes and filter equipment in Dave's pond.
JJ was our first casualty, knocked out by IJ, after he went all in with A10, which had hit an Ace on the flop. IJ's pocket Js tripped up on the flop, turning into a full house on the river and dismissing JJ (9th).
Baz followed his Borehamwood buddy soon after, also going all in with A10. Dean called with 7s and Jude called with 8s. The flop brought an 8, which led to a swift all in raise from Jude, which scared Dean off and knocked Barry out (8th).
A strong odour of dog shit hung over the poker suite, and our players couldn't agree if its source was Bea's breath or just Barry. Bea was up to her usual tricks, sniffing out every nook and crevice of the suite, while trying to avoid Dan's advances. Jude caught her licking the bowl of nuts on the shelf, earning her the title 'nut licking bitch' which induced a perverse grin from Dan.
Dan was out next with AQ, losing to IJ's Js which held up. Dan out (7th).
After a flop of 8J10, Lee went all in, holding AJ. Sharon called with Q9 and by the end of the hand, she had hit a flush, destroying Lee's trip Js and decimating his stack.
In the next hand, Sharon couldn't resist ensuring Lee was finished good & proper. After he went all in with a pathetic pile of chips and an even more pathetic 105, Sharon called with AQ. As she hit an Ace on the river she punched the air and let out a 'YES.'
After she'd got over the elation of such a momentous hand, she apologised to her husband saying "Sorry babes". Dean pointed out that she was not really that sorry, she was actually quite pleased, at least in part. Sharon conceded that a small part of her was pleased with her kill, but she was upset that Lee was her victim.
Lee was also not convinced, citing her 'YES' despite winning such a small pile of chips as evidence of her glee at his demise.
Eventually, Sharon got upset at all the boys ganging up on her, saying she couldn't help her instinctive excitement (although I don't recall "Serves you fucking right Dan!" as being sheer excitement) and that Dean was just being a big bully. Whatever your view, Lee was out (6th).
Dave took a couple of knocks from the Jaysons, after calling Jude's all in, and doubling her up after her AK held up against his A4. He then doubled Dean up, whose deuces help up over his A10.
But in the end, Dave prevailed over the pesky Jaysons, claiming Jude's scalp first (JJ beat 105) and then Dean (A10 beat 69). Jude was out (5th) and Dean (4th).
With a flop of 2K4 clubs, Sharon raised 2 pile of reds, having already raised 2 piles pre-flop. Dave re-raised all in which gave Sharon pause to think for a long time. Eventually she made a blinding call, holding 8s, which hit another 8 to decimate Dave.
Dave refused to die and while he doubled up 3 times in a row, IJ got knocked out by Sharon (3rd).
Heads up started at 22:57, and lasted all of 4 minutes. Dave went all in with K7, which Sharon called with 73, hitting a 3 on the flop to claim victory.
Well done Shaz!
Game 2 – 6 players - (1st JJ, 2nd Lee, 3rd Dan)
The second game started at 23:16 and JJ claimed a healthy pile of chips from Dave early on. The flop was 4A10, which brought a fiver raise from Dave. JJ wasn't buying it and re-raised all in. Dave believed him and laid it down.
Further chat about Bea's bad breath, led Dan to enquire if Dave had any chloroform? (I kid you not). This caused a great deal of laughter and confusion among the other players, who all thought that Dan would prefer Bea to be awake and frisky, with plenty of wriggling. Some even suggested that he would like her to wear Wellington boots and maybe a sheep's head???
Baz went out next, after raising with A10. IJ called with AJ and Dan re-raised with AK. IJ folded and after the flop brought KQ8, Baz went all in, with little more than a straight draw. Dan had top pair and called, sending Baz into the lounge to wait for JJ, as they had foolishly driven together again. Barry out (6th).
Meanwhile, Dave had been getting increasingly despondent. Over the course of half an hour or so, he cried out for someone to send him home saying "Oh well back to square one" after one hand, and "We're going home Bea" after another. He even decided that there was "No point in me dealing" and then wondered why he was playing at all "Don't know what I'm doing here still. It's 12 o'clock but I won't get to bed before 2."
Eventually, Lee put him out of his misery, when Dave's A5 wasn't enough to beat Lee's 10s. With a sigh and a "Bea, put your bicycle clips on" Dave exited (5th).
Holding pocket Aces, IJ learnt the lesson recorded so explicitly in last week's blog, re-raising Lee all in. Lee called with Ks, giving him only 2 cards to hit, which the jammy bastard duly did. IJ knocked out (4th), left wondering what a guy has to do to win with Aces, and finding himself in sympathy with Sharon's earlier triumphalism when she knocked Lee out.
Dan went all in with AJ, which JJ called with KQ, hitting a K to knock Dan out (3rd).
Heads up started at 00.30 and lasted over an hour. JJ began as a massive chip leader, but Lee refused to die, taking the lead a couple of times and battling on bravely, until JJ finally claimed victory and the majority of the points.
Well done JJ!
2008 Poker Rankings Table:
Lee's single point in the second game returns him to 2nd in the table, while Barry maintains his position as our leader.JJ's victory means he is now only 9 points away from 3rd and 10 points away from second.
Dave gained a point on IJ, but remains in 6th place for now.
Sharon's first game win propels her into 7th, ahead of Mark and Dean, and leader of the remaining players, who are all languishing over 20 points behind the top 6.
Conversation topics of the week:
The Jayson's return from holiday could only mean one thing: the continuation of the saga of their house development.
This week's installment centred on the disappearance of the Chinese builders. What did happen to Bin Ho? Did he really go back to China to see his elderly mother? or was he competing in the Beijing Olympics? Can Jemin deliver the Jaysons house in time for them to be in by Christmas? Does Dean have any legal recourse against the negligent Bin Ho? Does he need a new contract with Jemin? Will Bin Ho's merry men toil as hard for Jemin as they did for Bin Ho? What will we do for conversation once the Jayson's house is completed? Find out more in next week's gripping installment.
The only other significant conversation centred on what the appropriate technical name is for a puppy fiddler: a paedo-beastiophile? a beasto-paedophile?
Congratulations of the week:
To Mark & Michal Preston on the safe arrival of their daughter Lani, on Jude's 35th birthday, 28 August.
Jokes of the week:
Thanks to Dave for this contrived but amusing joke:
A young man called Ron wanted to buy a Christmas present for his new girlfriend. They hadn't been seeing each other for very long and she lived a considerable distance away.
He consulted with his sister and decided after careful consideration, that a pair of good quality gloves would strike the right note, not too romantic and not too personal.
Off he went with his sister to Harrods and they selected a pair of quality, fur lined leather gloves. His sister bought a pair of knickers for herself at the same time.
Harrods had a free gift wrap offer, but the assistant mixed up the two items, so the sister got the gloves and Ron got the knickers!
Good old Ron sent off his gift wrapped present in a parcel with the following letter:
Dear Sasha,
I chose these because I've noticed you are not wearing any when we go out in the evenings.
If it had not been for my sister, I would have chosen the long ones with buttons, but she wears shorter ones (which are easier to take off).
These are a very delicate shade, and the lady I bought them from showed me the pair she had been wearing for the past three weeks and they were hardly soiled at all.
I had her try yours on for me, and she looked really smart in them even though they were a little bit tight on her.
She also said that they rub against her ring, which keeps it clean. In fact she hasn't needed to wash it since she began wearing them.
I wish I was there to put them on for you the first time, as no doubt many other hands will touch them before I have a chance to see you again.
When you take them off, remember to blow into them a little bit, because they will be naturally a little damp from wearing.
Just imagine how many times my lips will kiss them during the coming year.
I hope you will wear them for me on our next date.
Love ,
Ron
P.S I thought you might like to know that my mum likes to wear hers folded down with a little bit of fur showing.
And another one from Dave:
A lady walks into Tiffany's. She browses around, spots a beautiful diamond bracelet and walks over to inspect it.
As she bends over to look more closely she inadvertently breaks wind.
Very embarrassed, she looks around nervously to see if anyone has noticed her little accident and prays that a sales person doesn't pop up right now.
As she turns around, her worst nightmare materializes in the form of a salesman standing right behind her
Cool as a cucumber and displaying complete professionalism, the salesman greets the lady with, 'Good day, Madam. How may we help you today?'
Very uncomfortably, but hoping that the salesman may just not have been there at the time of her little 'accident', she asks, 'Sir, what is the price of this lovely bracelet?
He answers, 'Madam, if you farted just looking at it, you're going to shit yourself when I tell you the price.'
and finally, you can be sure this sat nav won't get JJ's car broken into:
that's all folks!
ij
