An extra special effort to get to poker early saw us kick off at at the marginally earlier time of 20:27. Bea was with us once more, padding around the Youngs' lounge and raising everyone's spirits (apart from JJ's, naturally). The cheerful air seemed to have produced a rare thaw in relations between Jude & Mark, who were not only sitting next to each other, but were spotted chatting for a while. Could this be evidence of detente in poker's most recent and amusing feud?
It seemed that Mark was not the only victim of Jude's cruelty. Suspicious looking writing all up her arm, turned out to be the work of her children, as a distraction while waiting in the queue for the bank. It was Jude that started it, scribing on her eldest son's hand 'I love you always Jonah', which should look great hanging out with the boys in the school playground.
Dan was the evening's first poker casualty, going all in to the tune of £6.75 with AK. Dave re-raised a tenner, which scared everyone else off. Turning over QK Dave was behind, but he got lucky and hit a straight on the river, to knock Dan out (9th).
Bea showed off a poker trick, trying to flip over Lee's cards. Now if only Dave could teach her how to deal...
Presty went all in with A6, which brought a call from Dave, who had AJ. In a pattern that was to be repeated throughout the night, Mark hit a 6 on the flop to go ahead, but Dave hit a J on the river to knock him out (8th).
Dave had amassed a monster pile of chips, in a few strokes of luck, inspiring the rest of the players to explore how many ways they could add 'lucky cunt' into a song. Many, it turned out, with the tune of 'Smelly Cat' working best.
Jude went all in, after her J7 hit a J. IJ called with QK but Jude's lead was all too brief, as he hit a Q on the river, knocking Jude out (7th) and proving once again that night that going ahead early when all in, was an unlucky omen.
During a smoking break, Bea inspired Dan to propose a spot of puppy abuse, offering a tenner if someone will kiss her noony. To Dan's suprise, there were no takers..
Baz knocked Shaz out, when she went all in with K4. His KQ held up and Sharon went out (6th).
JJ was the next victim of the 'hitting cards early' curse, going all in with J10. He hit a 10 on the first card to go ahead of IJ's AQ, but an Ace arrived on the river and JJ was knocked out (5th)by 25p.
Dave posed the baffling dilemma of whether he should stay up all night, since he had an appointment that he had to be on time for at 8.30am (sic). You may think this a little extreme, but there is a lot to do in the morning with getting Bea ready and everything....
Lee went all in with KJ but Dave was not going to lay down his AJ, which hit AJ and knocked Lee out (4th).
Dave then went all in with K10 which Baz called with A5. Dave hit a lucky K on the flop, and there was no river saviour for Baz, who went out (3rd). Dave gracefully acknowledged that he had got lucky, but insisted it was the first time.
Heads up started at 22:43 with Dave a massive chip leader. Both players went all in repeatedly without much movement.
At 22:50 Dave's 95, top pair and a straight draw, defeated IJ's A5, straight and flush draw to claim victory. Well done Dave!
Game 2 – 7 players - (1st Dan, 2nd IJ, 3rd Lee)
Paul joined us for the second game, which kicked off at 23:01, but kept us guessing as to the exact hour of his curfew. While 1am is his usual bedtime, he tried to put us off the scent by throwing 12.30 or even 1.15 into the mix.
The revelation that Bea eats her own shit disturbed the other players. Dave supplied an explanation along the lines that Labradors don't always digest their food and so they (sensibly)sniff their own shit, to root out any undigested morsels in there that they can nibble on. According to Dave you can purchase pills that disguise the smell of Labrador shit, so that it smells (to Labradors) a lot like..... yes you guessed it, shit. Which considering is what they love to eat in the first place, could turn out to be a rather ineffective cure. Or perhaps this whole thing is just a shaggy dog story (which Dave acknowledged it might be, as his vet had never heard of the pills).
In one of the most amusing hands of the year, Dan bet on the river, only to be called by Baz. Dan confidently threw down his cards declaring "Nut flush." Sadly for Dan, his golden hand was missing a fifth spade, as what Mr Magoo had sincerely believed was a spade, was actually a club. Shame he didn't bet more...
With 2, 8, 6, on the flop, and then a 7 on the turn, Lee raised it up (no singing please) only for Dave, now well & truly withdrawn into his hoody, to lay it down.
The following hand saw Dave go all in when his A10 hit an Ace on the flop. IJ's AQ was already ahead and turned into 2 pair, knocking Dave out (7th).
At no later than 12.30, Paul, charitable as ever, decided it was time to head home. With A35 on the flop, JJ raised £4.50. Paul re raised, chasing a straight draw with 67. JJ's AQ suited tripped up in the end to send Paul home (6th).
Baz went out next, but not before delivering the following memorable exchange:
Dan Specsaver Graham: "Am I blind?"
Baz: "Yes, you are blind." Well I found it funny.
Barry went all in with 102, only to be raised £3.50 by JJ, who was holding AJ. Lee called with Qs and IJ called with AQ. It was a hand with a lot of promise, but ultimately all that happened was Baz hit a 10, and Lee's Qs held up. Baz out (5th).
JJ followed soon after, going all in with his signature Jacks. Dan called with 9s & hit a 9 on the turn to knock JJ out (4th).
IJ went all in with A3, which Lee called with A8. IJ got very lucky, hitting a 3 to secure his second heads up of the night. Lee out (3rd).
Heads up between IJ and Dan started at 01:32 and lasted a whole 20 mins (most of which was filled by Dan double checking what cards were on the board).
IJ won some early chips after Dan raised 2 piles of red, holding AQ. IJ re-raised all in with A9, and hit a 9 on the river to double up.
Dan fought back and in the decisive hand, he destroyed IJ's low straight, with a high straight of his own. IJ went out in the next hand, giving Dan victory at 01:52, as well as the first contribution to a pair of specs.
Well done Dan!
2008 Poker Rankings Table:
While there's no change in the top 2 spots, Dan's blinding victory in the second game has drawn him within 7 points of Lee. While Baz seems fairly comfortable at the top of the table, Lee's hold on 2nd place could be in jeopordy if Dan continues to pick up points.Meanwhile, Dave's first game win moves him further away from Mark, and IJ's 2 second places see him move only 10 points behind J.
But with just over 4 months to go there is still plenty to play for...
Conversation topics of the week:
Baz's iphone took centre stage for a while, although without Charlie's to keep it company. This week it had a picture of an empty fish tank on it, which prompted Lee & Sharon to offer him a couple of fish that happen to be lodging in their tank. Sensibly, Barry rejected the kind offer to re-house the evil Jayson Killer fish...
Jude displayed her filthy side: during a story that Dave was recounting about a game of 'Would you rather...' played by his family while on their recent holiday, Jude blurted out "Would you rather do your brother or your Dad?" We all sat there, stunned into silence by this latest display of filth from the primary school teacher amongst us.
When the, now subdued, chat resumed, she showed no hesitation in answering the question, "Would you rather do David Beckham or Dean?" She instantly replied "Becks" and then smiled cheekily to herself at the thought.
Baz has asked me to make a correction from last week's blog: he was not watching soft porn, while waiting for JJ to take him home. He was watching Hostel II, a horror film. Well maybe, but I'm sure there's some flesh scenes in there Baz...
The Beijing Olympics inspired a conversation as to what is a sport. Should the differentiator be the requirement for some sort of physical activity? Why isn't Rugby an Olympic sport? What about cricket? Dan generously shared his theory that Darts should be an Olympic sport, as it has its roots in ancient warfare, as do so many of the current Olympic sports: Archery, Dressage, Shooting, synchronised swimming.... He even extended the theory to hurdling, which is just like when soldiers jumped over barricades and trenches on the battlefield. Apparently, shot put was a very early form of cannon fire...
The most sensible question regarding Olympic sports was raised by Dave: "Is there a greater sport, played anywhere in the world, than beach volleyball?" All present agreed. Indeed, we went as far as to ask "Why does anyone bother with normal volleyball, when you could watch beach volleyball?"
Talk of the beach, led us to wonder why all kids love the beach & all adults hate it? Dan challenged this theory, highlighting how much Lee had enjoyed building sandcastles while in Portugal. Lee pushed back, saying it was Dan who had dug a moat and built a three storey castle.
Which made us wonder: when the Jaysons go to the beach, does Dean draw up plans for his kids' sandcastles and talk about them for hours before he starts construction???
Invitation for the week:
JJ has asked for the following announcement:
To celebrate my 35th birthday, I'll be going out for some food/drink at Fernandos (56 The Burroughs, NW4 4AN) in Hendon at 8pm on Tuesday 26th August. All welcome.
Jokes of the week:
Thanks to Lee for the following:
LITTLE RALPHY ON MATH (Part 1)
A teacher asks her class, 'If there are 5 birds sitting on a fence and you shoot one of them, howmany will be left?'
She calls on little Ralphy.
He replies, 'None, they will all fly away with the first gunshot.'
The teacher replies, 'The correct answer is 4, but I like your thinking.'
Then little RALPHY says, 'I have a question for YOU.
There are 3 women sitting on a bench having ice cream:
One is delicately licking the sides of the triple scoop of ice cream.
The second is gobbling down the top and sucking the cone.
The third is biting off the top of the ice cream.
Which one is married?'
The teacher, blushing a great deal, replied, 'Well, I suppose the one that's gobbled down the top and sucked the cone.'
To which Little RALPHY replied, 'The correct answer is 'the one with the wedding ring on,' but Ilike your thinking.'
LITTLE RALPHY ON MATH (Part 2)
Little RALPHY returns from school and says he got an F in arithmetic.
'Why?' asks the father?'
The teacher asked 'How much is 2x3,'' I said '6', replies RALPHY.
'But that's right!' says his dad.
'Yeah, but then she asked me 'How much is 3 x 2?'
''What's the f...... difference?' asks the father.
'That's what I said!'
LITTLE RALPHY ON ENGLISH
Little RALPHY goes to school, and the teacher says, 'Today we are going to learn multi-syllablewords, class. Does anybody have an example of a multi-syllable word?'
RALPHY says 'Mas-tur-bate.'
Miss Rogers smiles and says, 'Wow, little RALPHY, that's a mouthful.'
Little RALPHY says, 'No, Miss Rogers, you're thinking of a blowjob.'
LITTLE RALPHY ON GRAMMAR
Little RALPHY was sitting in class one day.
All of a sudden, he needed to go to the bathroom.
He yelled out, 'Miss Jones, I need to take a piss!!'
The teacher replied, 'Now, RALPHY, that is NOT the proper word to use in this situation. The correct word you want to use is 'urinate.' Please use the word 'ur-i-nate' in a sentence correctly, and I will allow you to go.'
Little RALPHY, thinks for a bit, and then says, 'You're an eight, but if you had bigger tits, you'd be a TEN!'
LITTLE RALPHY ON GRAMMAR (Part 2)
One day, during lessons on proper grammar, the teacher asked for a show of hands from those who could use the word 'beautiful' in the same sentence twice.
First, she called on little Suzie, who responded with, 'My father bought my mother a beautiful dress and she looked beautiful in it.'
'Very good, Suzie,' replied the teacher.
She then called on little Michael.
'My mommy planned a beautiful banquet and it turned out beautifully.'
She said, 'Excellent, Michael!'
Then the teacher reluctantly called on little RALPHY.
'Last night at the dinner table, my sister told my father that she was pregnant, and he said 'Beautiful, just f...... beautiful!''
LITTLE RALPHY ON GETTING OLDER
Little RALPHY was sitting on a park bench munching on one candy bar after another.
After the 6th one a man on the bench across from him said, 'Son, you know eating all that candy isn't good for you. It will give you acne, rot your teeth, and make you fat.'
Little RALPHY replied, 'My grandfather lived to be 107 years old.'
The man asked, 'Did your grandfather eat 6 candy bars at a time?'
Little RALPHY answered, 'No, he minded his own f....... business.
that's all folks!
ij
