Game 1 – 7 players - (1st Dave, 2nd Lee, 3rd Bruiser Bazza):
Dan out first with KK short stacked. I call as big blind with 92 - 4 hearts on the board - my 2 of hearts give me flush (sorry Dan)
JJ out next with straight draw to Dave's AJ (A on flop)
I go all in with 77 - Charlie flush draw doesn't come, I double up.
Dave then knocked Jude (KK), the lone queen of the suite tonight, out next. Jude's 4th all in of the night unfortunately was the one that sent her packing.
Charlie out next with JQ to Lee's KQ - nothing came
I raise with 88 pre flop, Dave reraises. I go all in. Dave calls and shows 77. 8's hold up
In a huge hand, Dave goes all in after flop with flush draw. I call with Top pair (10's) with a Jack. Dave hits flush and just to rub it in I hit J for 2 pair on river. DIRTY BASTARD. My stack now crippled
Now short stacked I go all in with 88 - Lee calls with 10 9. I hit an 8 on the flop for trips, but Lee hits straight on turn, and then I magically hit a full house on river. (First poker injury of the year, and of the POKER SUITE goes to me for bloodying my knuckle, after punching my left hand in glee on hitting the full house on the river, and hitting my wedding ring. Very sore knuckle. oops)
Heads up between Lee and Dave - swings and roundabouts till Dave had AJ and all in, Lee called with 22 and a Jack hit. Lee crippled.
soon over with Lee (JJ) vs Dave (22). 2 on flop ! - Dave winner.
Game 2 – 6 players - (1st JJ, 2nd Dave, 3rd Bridesmaid Bazra):
Charlie out first with JK (hit J) - Dave called his all in with 84 (2 pair) which held up. (I folded nut flush draw which would have won !)
Lee came back after feeding Sadie with about half his stack left, and hit trip Kings on flop only to run into Dan's flopped straight. Lee very short stacked
Dan (AJ), JJ (AA) Lee (Q6) AA hold up, Lee out Dan down to £2.25
JJ (KK) knocked me (AQ) and Dan(KQ) out when no A hit to help me and nothing to help Dan.
That's my 7th 3rd place of the year !
Heads up finished at 12.25am with JJ (AK) vs Dave (AQ). nothing helped Dave, and JJ wins.
Poker Rankings table for this week:
Conversation Topics:
Formula 1 & Lee's ipod tunes were discussed
Lee decided to tell us for the 3rd week running that he's just read a great book, aptly named "Young Bloods". For those that don't know anything about it, you can buy it here: http://www.amazon.co.uk/Young-Bloods-Revolution-1/dp/0755324331/ref=pd_ecc_rvi_1/026-2385973-5417204?ie=UTF8&qid=1174525879&sr=8-2
There is a second book (in the series of 4) due to be released in May 2007 called The Generals. Pre-order it now: http://www.amazon.co.uk/Generals-Revolution-2-Simon-Scarrow/dp/0755324358/ref=pd_ka_2/026-2385973-5417204?ie=UTF8&s=books&qid=1174525879&sr=8-2
There are no released dates as yet for numbers 3 and 4 in the quartet, but this blogger will keep you informed.
Quotes of the Night:
Charlie: "I am losing chips rapidly"
JJ: "and the bad news ?"
Charlie: (after being knocked out) "I hate this fucking poker suite"
Donation required:
We need someone to donate a kettle, 10 mugs, tea, coffee and sugar containers (filled), some herbal infusions, and a few teaspoons for THE POKER SUITE (the poker suite's official name)
Congratulations:
Mazeltov to Yael and JJ on 9 years of wedded bliss !
Crap Jokes of the Week:
What a Woman Says:
This place is a mess! C'mon,you and I need to clean up, your stuff is lying on the floor and you'll have no clothes to wear, if we don't do laundry right now!
What a Man Hears:
blah,blah,blah,blah, C'MON
blah,blah,blah,blah, YOU AND I
blah,blah,blah,blah, ON THE FLOOR
blah,blah,blah,blah, NO CLOTHES
blah,blah,blah,blah, RIGHT NOW!
---------------------------------------------
A husband and wife were sharing a bottle of wine when the Husband said,
"I bet you can't tell me something which will make me happy and sad at the same time".
The wife thought for a few moments, then said, "Your willy is bigger than your brother's"!
Pictures of the Week:
What's the first thing you must do when overturning your car ?
(click to see)
When your mum said never take sweets from a stranger, this is who she was talking about…(click to see)
Videos of the Week:
Comic relief special :
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=OrmIxZrVH-w
and one for the Spurs fans amongst us - Paul Robinson's amazing 96 yard free kick goal against Watford last week:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=pp1WU-wYe3w
News Stories of the Week:
http://news.sky.com/skynews/article/0,,30000-1256483,00.html - last line is classic !
http://www.raisingkids.co.uk/todaysnews07/news_200307_03.asp - Mr Tumble's Fumble : OOPS!
And in the week that Mrs I is due to give birth to little I number 3, one for all those with 3 children already, or those thinking of having 3....you've been warned !
http://www.thisismoney.co.uk/consumer/article.html?in_article_id=418555
NEW FEATURE : - LAST YEAR'S BLOG
Thought it would be nice each week to reminisce a little on what happened this time last year.
This time last year, JJ lost half of his staff in one day, Jude ate a crocodile, and in a rare moment of enlightenment Dan announced, “I talk shit”. The Jayson's frog died this week of last year. Also - remember all those spare chickens that the Wannabe-Apprentices threw out after over-ordering for their pizza task !! (by the way - new series starts next week)
SPECIAL ONE OFF FEATURE : - Poker Elite Rules
These are the current rules of the Poker Elite game of Poker (until we change them)
1. No food/drink within 60cm of the table. A penalty of 40 lashes will be applied to the first person to foul the table. 80 lashes to be applied if it's Vic, as he's been warned.
2. The name 'c*nt' may only be used to describe Scott or Dan. C*nt should not be used to describe any another player (other than someone with c*nt as their actual name - proof must be provided) unless the situation in rule 3 occurs.
3. Anyone catching runner runner to win a large pot after the flop should be hung, drawn and quartered (not within 60cm of the table).
4. String betting of any kind (intentional or otherwise) is forbidden.
5. Talk of conspiracy theories is prohibited.
6. Non-Elite players have no privileges and should just count themselves lucky they are allowed to play at all.
7. The words 'landlord', 'tenants' and 'Accenture' should not be mentioned in the presence of Dean. Similarly the phrase 'pot odds' should not be spoken in the presence of Dan or Vic.
8. Vic can never be allowed to win a game of poker.
9. Cheats will be banned for life.
10. The term 'well played' should only be used when the person referred to has actually played well. Appropriate alternatives include 'see you next week', 'jolly good show old chap', 'every dog has its day', 'every cloud...' etc.
11. We never burn cards.
12. Everyone must bow to the first person to hit a royal flush in the suite.
13. Any dwarf spottings in Borehamwood should be accompanied by photographic evidence.
14. A clear 'call' ('join' is acceptable for those of Swiss origin), 'raise', 'fold', 'all-in' must be announced before acting. Combinations of these words e.g. cold, faise, call-in, fall-in etc. are equivalent to a fold.
15. A pile is anything you want it to be.
16. Lack of knowledge of the rules is no excuse - especially for a novice.
17. When resolving disputes or measuring off chips it is forbidden for Dan or Vic to be involved.
18. Excessive wind (from anus or mouth) shall be punishable by a 5 minute "sin bin" whereby the guilty party is banished from the suite / room and may be "paddled" on their way out.
19. Displays of overt homosexuality by Ilan are forbidden (punishable as above save for the paddling which he would enjoy too much).
20. If you act out of turn you are a) an idiot and b) committed to what you said you'd do.
21. Play can be held up for a maximum of two 1-minute toilet breaks per person per night. Should anyone need a number 2, they can choose either to s#it in a minute, take their time and sit out (s#it out) the game or s#it in their pants.
22. Play is never held up for smoking breaks.
23. Feeding babies at the table is acceptable in the first year of a child's life. Getting your tits out at the table is banned, save for Elite members' wives.
24. Each game costs £10 so bring it with you (Dean/Dan). Failure to settle debts by the end of the evening will result in a penalty charge of £1,000.
25. This is a friendly game, so high standards of etiquette are required at all times, save for being on the receiving end of an outrageous bad beat when you do what the fu*k you like.
26. It is the duty of the first player out (with the exception of Vic and the authorised blogger) to become dealer until and not before the second player is out. This rule doesn't apply to the second game. Someone who deals for more than an hour is 'entitled' to a complementary rub-down from Ilan.
And on that note, that's all for this week.
B.
