27 August 2008 (The Poker Suite) "Where is Bin Ho?"

Game 1 – 9 players - (1st Sharon, 2nd Dave, 3rd IJ)

The return, at long last, of the Youngs' au pair from her selfishly long holiday meant we were back in the Poker suite. Also making a welcome return from their holiday among the tattooed chavs in Turkey, were Jude & Dean, complete with tans and slim physiques, but minus one camera. The babysitter provided by the hotel was the prime suspect of the criminal investigation into the theft, that is assuming they actually had a camera, which is how the hotel's very own Inspector Clouseau began his inquiries.
Play kicked off at 20:29, with Bea acting all chastened, after having dug up the tubes and filter equipment in Dave's pond.
JJ was our first casualty, knocked out by IJ, after he went all in with A10, which had hit an Ace on the flop. IJ's pocket Js tripped up on the flop, turning into a full house on the river and dismissing JJ (9th).
Baz followed his Borehamwood buddy soon after, also going all in with A10. Dean called with 7s and Jude called with 8s. The flop brought an 8, which led to a swift all in raise from Jude, which scared Dean off and knocked Barry out (8th).
A strong odour of dog shit hung over the poker suite, and our players couldn't agree if its source was Bea's breath or just Barry. Bea was up to her usual tricks, sniffing out every nook and crevice of the suite, while trying to avoid Dan's advances. Jude caught her licking the bowl of nuts on the shelf, earning her the title 'nut licking bitch' which induced a perverse grin from Dan.
Dan was out next with AQ, losing to IJ's Js which held up. Dan out (7th).
After a flop of 8J10, Lee went all in, holding AJ. Sharon called with Q9 and by the end of the hand, she had hit a flush, destroying Lee's trip Js and decimating his stack.
In the next hand, Sharon couldn't resist ensuring Lee was finished good & proper. After he went all in with a pathetic pile of chips and an even more pathetic 105, Sharon called with AQ. As she hit an Ace on the river she punched the air and let out a 'YES.'
After she'd got over the elation of such a momentous hand, she apologised to her husband saying "Sorry babes". Dean pointed out that she was not really that sorry, she was actually quite pleased, at least in part. Sharon conceded that a small part of her was pleased with her kill, but she was upset that Lee was her victim.
Lee was also not convinced, citing her 'YES' despite winning such a small pile of chips as evidence of her glee at his demise.
Eventually, Sharon got upset at all the boys ganging up on her, saying she couldn't help her instinctive excitement (although I don't recall "Serves you fucking right Dan!" as being sheer excitement) and that Dean was just being a big bully. Whatever your view, Lee was out (6th).
Dave took a couple of knocks from the Jaysons, after calling Jude's all in, and doubling her up after her AK held up against his A4. He then doubled Dean up, whose deuces help up over his A10.
But in the end, Dave prevailed over the pesky Jaysons, claiming Jude's scalp first (JJ beat 105) and then Dean (A10 beat 69). Jude was out (5th) and Dean (4th).
With a flop of 2K4 clubs, Sharon raised 2 pile of reds, having already raised 2 piles pre-flop. Dave re-raised all in which gave Sharon pause to think for a long time. Eventually she made a blinding call, holding 8s, which hit another 8 to decimate Dave.
Dave refused to die and while he doubled up 3 times in a row, IJ got knocked out by Sharon (3rd).
Heads up started at 22:57, and lasted all of 4 minutes. Dave went all in with K7, which Sharon called with 73, hitting a 3 on the flop to claim victory.
Well done Shaz!

Game 2 – 6 players - (1st JJ, 2nd Lee, 3rd Dan)

The second game started at 23:16 and JJ claimed a healthy pile of chips from Dave early on. The flop was 4A10, which brought a fiver raise from Dave. JJ wasn't buying it and re-raised all in. Dave believed him and laid it down.
Further chat about Bea's bad breath, led Dan to enquire if Dave had any chloroform? (I kid you not). This caused a great deal of laughter and confusion among the other players, who all thought that Dan would prefer Bea to be awake and frisky, with plenty of wriggling. Some even suggested that he would like her to wear Wellington boots and maybe a sheep's head???
Baz went out next, after raising with A10. IJ called with AJ and Dan re-raised with AK. IJ folded and after the flop brought KQ8, Baz went all in, with little more than a straight draw. Dan had top pair and called, sending Baz into the lounge to wait for JJ, as they had foolishly driven together again. Barry out (6th).
Meanwhile, Dave had been getting increasingly despondent. Over the course of half an hour or so, he cried out for someone to send him home saying "Oh well back to square one" after one hand, and "We're going home Bea" after another. He even decided that there was "No point in me dealing" and then wondered why he was playing at all "Don't know what I'm doing here still. It's 12 o'clock but I won't get to bed before 2."
Eventually, Lee put him out of his misery, when Dave's A5 wasn't enough to beat Lee's 10s. With a sigh and a "Bea, put your bicycle clips on" Dave exited (5th).
Holding pocket Aces, IJ learnt the lesson recorded so explicitly in last week's blog, re-raising Lee all in. Lee called with Ks, giving him only 2 cards to hit, which the jammy bastard duly did. IJ knocked out (4th), left wondering what a guy has to do to win with Aces, and finding himself in sympathy with Sharon's earlier triumphalism when she knocked Lee out.
Dan went all in with AJ, which JJ called with KQ, hitting a K to knock Dan out (3rd).
Heads up started at 00.30 and lasted over an hour. JJ began as a massive chip leader, but Lee refused to die, taking the lead a couple of times and battling on bravely, until JJ finally claimed victory and the majority of the points.
Well done JJ!


2008 Poker Rankings Table:

Lee's single point in the second game returns him to 2nd in the table, while Barry maintains his position as our leader.
JJ's victory means he is now only 9 points away from 3rd and 10 points away from second.
Dave gained a point on IJ, but remains in 6th place for now.
Sharon's first game win propels her into 7th, ahead of Mark and Dean, and leader of the remaining players, who are all languishing over 20 points behind the top 6.









Conversation topics of the week:

The Jayson's return from holiday could only mean one thing: the continuation of the saga of their house development.
This week's installment centred on the disappearance of the Chinese builders. What did happen to Bin Ho? Did he really go back to China to see his elderly mother? or was he competing in the Beijing Olympics? Can Jemin deliver the Jaysons house in time for them to be in by Christmas? Does Dean have any legal recourse against the negligent Bin Ho? Does he need a new contract with Jemin? Will Bin Ho's merry men toil as hard for Jemin as they did for Bin Ho? What will we do for conversation once the Jayson's house is completed? Find out more in next week's gripping installment.
The only other significant conversation centred on what the appropriate technical name is for a puppy fiddler: a paedo-beastiophile? a beasto-paedophile?

Congratulations of the week:

To Mark & Michal Preston on the safe arrival of their daughter Lani, on Jude's 35th birthday, 28 August.

Jokes of the week:

Thanks to Dave for this contrived but amusing joke:

A young man called Ron wanted to buy a Christmas present for his new girlfriend. They hadn't been seeing each other for very long and she lived a considerable distance away.
He consulted with his sister and decided after careful consideration, that a pair of good quality gloves would strike the right note, not too romantic and not too personal.
Off he went with his sister to Harrods and they selected a pair of quality, fur lined leather gloves. His sister bought a pair of knickers for herself at the same time.
Harrods had a free gift wrap offer, but the assistant mixed up the two items, so the sister got the gloves and Ron got the knickers!
Good old Ron sent off his gift wrapped present in a parcel with the following letter:

Dear Sasha,
I chose these because I've noticed you are not wearing any when we go out in the evenings.
If it had not been for my sister, I would have chosen the long ones with buttons, but she wears shorter ones (which are easier to take off).
These are a very delicate shade, and the lady I bought them from showed me the pair she had been wearing for the past three weeks and they were hardly soiled at all.
I had her try yours on for me, and she looked really smart in them even though they were a little bit tight on her.
She also said that they rub against her ring, which keeps it clean. In fact she hasn't needed to wash it since she began wearing them.
I wish I was there to put them on for you the first time, as no doubt many other hands will touch them before I have a chance to see you again.
When you take them off, remember to blow into them a little bit, because they will be naturally a little damp from wearing.
Just imagine how many times my lips will kiss them during the coming year.
I hope you will wear them for me on our next date.
Love ,
Ron
P.S I thought you might like to know that my mum likes to wear hers folded down with a little bit of fur showing.

And another one from Dave:

A lady walks into Tiffany's. She browses around, spots a beautiful diamond bracelet and walks over to inspect it.
As she bends over to look more closely she inadvertently breaks wind.
Very embarrassed, she looks around nervously to see if anyone has noticed her little accident and prays that a sales person doesn't pop up right now.
As she turns around, her worst nightmare materializes in the form of a salesman standing right behind her
Cool as a cucumber and displaying complete professionalism, the salesman greets the lady with, 'Good day, Madam. How may we help you today?'
Very uncomfortably, but hoping that the salesman may just not have been there at the time of her little 'accident', she asks, 'Sir, what is the price of this lovely bracelet?
He answers, 'Madam, if you farted just looking at it, you're going to shit yourself when I tell you the price.'

and finally, you can be sure this sat nav won't get JJ's car broken into:


that's all folks!
ij

20 August 2008 (The Young's) "Dan & Dave's Double Act"

Game 1 – 7 players - (1st Dave, 2nd Dan, 3rd Sharon)

The August holiday season was in full swing this week, leaving us with only 7 players for the evening's exciting poker action, which began at 20:34.
Dan arrived late (he was busy filming cat porn) sporting a new haircut which Sharon correctly observed he had done himself. She helpfully suggested that he should cut his wife's hair, in order to save money. This is a particularly sensible idea, given that Dan owes Bea a tenner, after she managed to lick her own noony. (see last week's blog)
IJ got fucked up by pocket aces once again, after he didn't raise, letting Dave & Charles hit trip 6s. He couldn't fold the final £4 raise, despite knowing he was no longer ahead, and only had himself to blame. All present urged the blog to record how foolish he has been. Dan, waking in a time zone somewhere behind the rest of East Finchley, joined in late to declare "Ilan, you're a complete cunt." Thanks to all.
IJ (CC) exited first, after going all in with Js, which Dave called with KQ, hitting 2 pair. CC out (7th).
In a monster hand, CC was soon joined by Lee & Charles. Lee went all in with AK, which Baz called with KJ & Chas called with A5. Charles then went all in after the flop, which Baz called and then hit a J on the turn to knock Lee out (6th) & Charles (5th).
Baz became a massive chip leader and at this point our players remembered to put the cash into the pot.
Baz soon frittered all his chips away in 3 hands, most of the damage done in the last two. In the first of these, Dan's A10 hit an Ace on the turn to go ahead of Baz's Qs. Dave then finished him off, getting very lucky to come from behind and overtake Baz's QJ, 2 pair. Dave's AJ hit an Ace on the river, to give him a better 2 pair and knock out a very fucked off Baz (4th).
Shaz had a lucky escape after going all in with A3, against Dave's A4 and only being saved by a split pot. Her luck didn't hold out much, and Dave kicked her J4 out with his pair of 6s. Sharon out (3rd).
In their first heads up of the evening, Dave & Dan got started at 22:25 and were all spent by 22:35, Dave eventually winning with pocket 7s which hit trips, while Dan was left holding A3, which hit nothing.
Well done Dave!

Game 2 – 7 players - (1st Dan, 2nd Dave, 3rd Lee)

The 22:50 start convinced Sharon to brave the smutty humour and lurid banter of the second game and try her luck in the usually all male arena.
Dan's heart missed a beat (nothing to do with Bea) at the arrival of a J of diamonds on the board, as he only needed a J of hearts for a Royal Flush. It may have been the wrong suit, but the J of diamonds gave him the nut flush, helping him take some chips from Dave, who had hit the low flush.
Lee's new position as Acting Head of Legal created another PDA addict to provide much needed distraction from our game. After a few instances of Lee failing to keep up with play, Dave christened him 'Dean', which seemed a very harsh comparison given this was Lee's first offence &, as he insisted, he was just keeping an eye on things at the office. Charlie surmised: "With great power, comes great responsibility."
On the subject of baseless comparisons, Dan became very defensive when asked what happened to his beloved Leeds Utd (not Bea). He retorted 'What happened to Spurs?' which Lee objected to, given the vast differences between the 2 sides.
Displaying the lack of any capacity for critical thought or rational argument that only a man exposed to Gaby for a prolonged period of time could possess, Dan insisted that it was his right to compare any 2 things he wanted. He went on to showboat his comparative skills, listing all the things that Spurs & Leeds Utd have in common: they are both football teams, they both have grounds... It was a bit like listening to a small child playing pairs on his own, which I suppose is entertainment, if you're a Leeds Utd fan.
Lee accused Dan of just saying random words out loud, which drew complaints from Baz, since that is the basis of his entire conversation, his best lines in fact.
Charles went all in with A10, only to be called by IJ with A10. While the odds said it should have been a split pot, with both hitting a straight, IJ hit a flukey flush on the river to knock Chas out (7th).
Dave showed that 78 can be a good hand, getting lucky twice with them, hitting four 8s the second time.
Shaz called IJ's raise on the river with a 34 flush draw, believing there is an extra card to come. She was most distraught when she was told to turn her cards over (prematurely, she thought) grumbling about how she has just donated a pile of reds to IJ. Perhaps Shaz was just not used to the cracking pace of the second game.
In case anyone was in any doubt, Lee expressed everyone's pleasure at having Sharon in the second game, especially for her active role in pushing the game along.
Holding A9, IJ hit a 9 on the flop and went all in. Shaz called with AQ, to exit (6th).
At this point, the other girl in the room woke up from her sleep and starting pacing around the room, exploring and sniffing the place out. There was speculation that Bea was waiting for a spot of tongue action, only to be disappointed as Dan was too busy playing poker.
Dan knocked out both IJ & Baz. Baz went all in with KQ, which IJ called with AK, only to be called all in by Dan, who was holding a pair of 9s. IJ hit an Ace early, leaving him only 2 cards to dodge. Dan hit one of them, ending up with trip 9s and knocking IJ out (5th) and Baz out (4th).

--------------------------------------------------
Dan continues:
Anyway, after Dan’s tripped up pockets nines knocked out IJ (5^th) and Baz (4^th) making him a big chip leader he waited for patiently for Dave and Lee to battle it out for second place. Dave duly accepted, when he knocked out a very short stacked Lee with some fairly unforgettable hand – although Dave may remember, Lee will be choosing to forget his rather miserable night.
Heads up lasted about 20 minutes until holding 95 with a nine on the flop Dave went all in. Dan called with 9J and while the turn gave Dave another 5 for two pair.
Justice hit on the river giving Dan a better two pair Js and 9s.
What was all the more surprising was that the exclamation of ‘JUSTICE’ was from Dave – one wonders what he would have exclaimed had he not have won the first game and had not needed to rush home to clear up Bea’s faeces.
Well done to Dave and Dan who shared equally all the cash on the night.


2008 Poker Rankings Table:


A major upset brings us the biggest table news in weeks. Dan's 1st & 2nd has taken him to even points with Lee, but into 2nd place over all by virtue of having played less games. Having occupied one of the top 2 places for virtually the entire year, Lee slips into 3rd spot, 14 points ahead of JJ in 4th.
Baz is still comfortably at the top of the table, with a 15 point lead, but Dan's surge cracks the title race wide open.
Meanwhile, Dave's equal share of the points from this week, moves him within 3 points of IJ.
Finally, there is now a 24 point gap between the top 6 and the rest of the table. The stragglers need to get their act together if they are going to make an impact on the table this year.




Conversation topics of the week:

Gary Glitter's impending return to the UK inspired a conversation on paedophilia, with the usual unenlightened, extreme, right wing, populist solutions proposed by our players, any one of which would be considered too base even for a Daily Mail leader column.
Sharon suggested sending him into exile, a punishment she quickly extended to murderers, when challenged. She was unable to provide a willing territory that wanted to import the UK's pervert and killer population.
Taking a more traditional northern approach, Baz suggested chopping paedos arms, legs and knobs off.
Dan provided the most original thought, proposing that paedos should be forced to face their Achilles Heel and should be given jobs as school counsellors....
Charles asked if it is nature or nurture that influences paedos & (rarely for our game) Shaz provided an intelligent answer, quoting studies which suggest there is no academic consensus, with evidence to support both hypotheses.
The air was thick with sexual chemistry crackling between Bea and Dan. As well as this rich vein of humour, Bea also inspired these conversational gems from Dave "Isn't ironic that Bea is a Chocolate Labrador, and yet chocolate is poisonous to her?" and "Would Bea recognize her sister if they met, despite being separated at 8 weeks?"
Shaz was prepared to concede a family dog to Lee, should they happen to win £55m on the Euro millions lottery. She pointed out that she wouldn't notice the smell, as she would be living in a much larger house. Not on The Bishops Avenue mind, as it is way too much of a main road for our Shaz, more likely somewhere on Winnington Road....
The Isaacsons cashed in the family's Onion Jar full of change, which came to a massive £270. Apart from purchasing a fishtank, Baz doesn't know what else he will spend it on.
Dan has banned members of his family from arriving to stay on Wednesday evenings, after his sisters and parents have disrupted the previous week's poker games. Caroline, his elder sister has been banished to Hendon until the weekend when she is allowed to come and visit.
Finally, Charlie tried to revive last week's conversation on the origins of Olympic Sports . While we may have thought that Charlie's chat was unlikely to shed much fresh light on the matter, we were deeply mistaken. Charlie made the astonishing revelation that he has the power to understand where all Olympic Sports come from. You may not rate this power much, compared to flying, mind reading or being invincible, but consider this: would Syla really waste the effort killing Charlie just to absorb this power?
It could also come in really useful in pub quiz nights and charity quiz suppers.

Congratulations of the week:

To Barry & Caroline Isaacson, on their 10th wedding anniversary.
To JJ on his birthday.
To Dean on his birthday last week (16th).
and to Jude on her birthday (28th).


Jokes of the week:

Thanks to Barry for this Bear Warning:

and Thanks to Dave for this one:

Circumcised

A teacher noticed that a little boy at the back of the class was squirming around, scratching his crotch, and not paying attention.

She went back to find out what was going on. He was quite embarrassed and whispered that he had just recently been circumcised and he was quite itchy. The teacher told him to go down to the principal's office.

He was to telephone his mother and ask her what he should do about it. He did and returned to his class.

Suddenly, there was a commotion at the back of the room. She went back to investigate only to find him sitting at his desk with his 'private part' hanging out.

'I thought I told you to call your mom!' she said.

'I did,' he said, 'And she told me that if I could stick it out till noon, she'd come and pick me up from school.'

that's all folks!

ij

13 August 2008 (The Young's) "Dan stumbles blindly to victory in the Poker Olympics"

Game 1 – 9 players - (1st Dave, 2nd IJ, 3rd Baz)

An extra special effort to get to poker early saw us kick off at at the marginally earlier time of 20:27. Bea was with us once more, padding around the Youngs' lounge and raising everyone's spirits (apart from JJ's, naturally). The cheerful air seemed to have produced a rare thaw in relations between Jude & Mark, who were not only sitting next to each other, but were spotted chatting for a while. Could this be evidence of detente in poker's most recent and amusing feud?
It seemed that Mark was not the only victim of Jude's cruelty. Suspicious looking writing all up her arm, turned out to be the work of her children, as a distraction while waiting in the queue for the bank. It was Jude that started it, scribing on her eldest son's hand 'I love you always Jonah', which should look great hanging out with the boys in the school playground.
Dan was the evening's first poker casualty, going all in to the tune of £6.75 with AK. Dave re-raised a tenner, which scared everyone else off. Turning over QK Dave was behind, but he got lucky and hit a straight on the river, to knock Dan out (9th).
Bea showed off a poker trick, trying to flip over Lee's cards. Now if only Dave could teach her how to deal...
Presty went all in with A6, which brought a call from Dave, who had AJ. In a pattern that was to be repeated throughout the night, Mark hit a 6 on the flop to go ahead, but Dave hit a J on the river to knock him out (8th).
Dave had amassed a monster pile of chips, in a few strokes of luck, inspiring the rest of the players to explore how many ways they could add 'lucky cunt' into a song. Many, it turned out, with the tune of 'Smelly Cat' working best.
Jude went all in, after her J7 hit a J. IJ called with QK but Jude's lead was all too brief, as he hit a Q on the river, knocking Jude out (7th) and proving once again that night that going ahead early when all in, was an unlucky omen.
During a smoking break, Bea inspired Dan to propose a spot of puppy abuse, offering a tenner if someone will kiss her noony. To Dan's suprise, there were no takers..
Baz knocked Shaz out, when she went all in with K4. His KQ held up and Sharon went out (6th).
JJ was the next victim of the 'hitting cards early' curse, going all in with J10. He hit a 10 on the first card to go ahead of IJ's AQ, but an Ace arrived on the river and JJ was knocked out (5th)by 25p.
Dave posed the baffling dilemma of whether he should stay up all night, since he had an appointment that he had to be on time for at 8.30am (sic). You may think this a little extreme, but there is a lot to do in the morning with getting Bea ready and everything....
Lee went all in with KJ but Dave was not going to lay down his AJ, which hit AJ and knocked Lee out (4th).
Dave then went all in with K10 which Baz called with A5. Dave hit a lucky K on the flop, and there was no river saviour for Baz, who went out (3rd). Dave gracefully acknowledged that he had got lucky, but insisted it was the first time.
Heads up started at 22:43 with Dave a massive chip leader. Both players went all in repeatedly without much movement.
At 22:50 Dave's 95, top pair and a straight draw, defeated IJ's A5, straight and flush draw to claim victory. Well done Dave!

Game 2 – 7 players - (1st Dan, 2nd IJ, 3rd Lee)

Paul joined us for the second game, which kicked off at 23:01, but kept us guessing as to the exact hour of his curfew. While 1am is his usual bedtime, he tried to put us off the scent by throwing 12.30 or even 1.15 into the mix.
The revelation that Bea eats her own shit disturbed the other players. Dave supplied an explanation along the lines that Labradors don't always digest their food and so they (sensibly)sniff their own shit, to root out any undigested morsels in there that they can nibble on. According to Dave you can purchase pills that disguise the smell of Labrador shit, so that it smells (to Labradors) a lot like..... yes you guessed it, shit. Which considering is what they love to eat in the first place, could turn out to be a rather ineffective cure. Or perhaps this whole thing is just a shaggy dog story (which Dave acknowledged it might be, as his vet had never heard of the pills).
In one of the most amusing hands of the year, Dan bet on the river, only to be called by Baz. Dan confidently threw down his cards declaring "Nut flush." Sadly for Dan, his golden hand was missing a fifth spade, as what Mr Magoo had sincerely believed was a spade, was actually a club. Shame he didn't bet more...
With 2, 8, 6, on the flop, and then a 7 on the turn, Lee raised it up (no singing please) only for Dave, now well & truly withdrawn into his hoody, to lay it down.
The following hand saw Dave go all in when his A10 hit an Ace on the flop. IJ's AQ was already ahead and turned into 2 pair, knocking Dave out (7th).
At no later than 12.30, Paul, charitable as ever, decided it was time to head home. With A35 on the flop, JJ raised £4.50. Paul re raised, chasing a straight draw with 67. JJ's AQ suited tripped up in the end to send Paul home (6th).
Baz went out next, but not before delivering the following memorable exchange:
Dan Specsaver Graham: "Am I blind?"
Baz: "Yes, you are blind." Well I found it funny.
Barry went all in with 102, only to be raised £3.50 by JJ, who was holding AJ. Lee called with Qs and IJ called with AQ. It was a hand with a lot of promise, but ultimately all that happened was Baz hit a 10, and Lee's Qs held up. Baz out (5th).
JJ followed soon after, going all in with his signature Jacks. Dan called with 9s & hit a 9 on the turn to knock JJ out (4th).
IJ went all in with A3, which Lee called with A8. IJ got very lucky, hitting a 3 to secure his second heads up of the night. Lee out (3rd).
Heads up between IJ and Dan started at 01:32 and lasted a whole 20 mins (most of which was filled by Dan double checking what cards were on the board).
IJ won some early chips after Dan raised 2 piles of red, holding AQ. IJ re-raised all in with A9, and hit a 9 on the river to double up.
Dan fought back and in the decisive hand, he destroyed IJ's low straight, with a high straight of his own. IJ went out in the next hand, giving Dan victory at 01:52, as well as the first contribution to a pair of specs.
Well done Dan!

2008 Poker Rankings Table:

While there's no change in the top 2 spots, Dan's blinding victory in the second game has drawn him within 7 points of Lee. While Baz seems fairly comfortable at the top of the table, Lee's hold on 2nd place could be in jeopordy if Dan continues to pick up points.
Meanwhile, Dave's first game win moves him further away from Mark, and IJ's 2 second places see him move only 10 points behind J.
But with just over 4 months to go there is still plenty to play for...







Conversation topics of the week:

Baz's iphone took centre stage for a while, although without Charlie's to keep it company. This week it had a picture of an empty fish tank on it, which prompted Lee & Sharon to offer him a couple of fish that happen to be lodging in their tank. Sensibly, Barry rejected the kind offer to re-house the evil Jayson Killer fish...
Jude displayed her filthy side: during a story that Dave was recounting about a game of 'Would you rather...' played by his family while on their recent holiday, Jude blurted out "Would you rather do your brother or your Dad?" We all sat there, stunned into silence by this latest display of filth from the primary school teacher amongst us.
When the, now subdued, chat resumed, she showed no hesitation in answering the question, "Would you rather do David Beckham or Dean?" She instantly replied "Becks" and then smiled cheekily to herself at the thought.
Baz has asked me to make a correction from last week's blog: he was not watching soft porn, while waiting for JJ to take him home. He was watching Hostel II, a horror film. Well maybe, but I'm sure there's some flesh scenes in there Baz...
The Beijing Olympics inspired a conversation as to what is a sport. Should the differentiator be the requirement for some sort of physical activity? Why isn't Rugby an Olympic sport? What about cricket? Dan generously shared his theory that Darts should be an Olympic sport, as it has its roots in ancient warfare, as do so many of the current Olympic sports: Archery, Dressage, Shooting, synchronised swimming.... He even extended the theory to hurdling, which is just like when soldiers jumped over barricades and trenches on the battlefield. Apparently, shot put was a very early form of cannon fire...
The most sensible question regarding Olympic sports was raised by Dave: "Is there a greater sport, played anywhere in the world, than beach volleyball?" All present agreed. Indeed, we went as far as to ask "Why does anyone bother with normal volleyball, when you could watch beach volleyball?"
Talk of the beach, led us to wonder why all kids love the beach & all adults hate it? Dan challenged this theory, highlighting how much Lee had enjoyed building sandcastles while in Portugal. Lee pushed back, saying it was Dan who had dug a moat and built a three storey castle.
Which made us wonder: when the Jaysons go to the beach, does Dean draw up plans for his kids' sandcastles and talk about them for hours before he starts construction???

Invitation for the week:

JJ has asked for the following announcement:

To celebrate my 35th birthday, I'll be going out for some food/drink at Fernandos (56 The Burroughs, NW4 4AN) in Hendon at 8pm on Tuesday 26th August. All welcome.


Jokes of the week:

Thanks to Lee for the following:

LITTLE RALPHY ON MATH (Part 1)

A teacher asks her class, 'If there are 5 birds sitting on a fence and you shoot one of them, howmany will be left?'
She calls on little Ralphy.
He replies, 'None, they will all fly away with the first gunshot.'
The teacher replies, 'The correct answer is 4, but I like your thinking.'

Then little RALPHY says, 'I have a question for YOU.
There are 3 women sitting on a bench having ice cream:
One is delicately licking the sides of the triple scoop of ice cream.
The second is gobbling down the top and sucking the cone.
The third is biting off the top of the ice cream.
Which one is married?'
The teacher, blushing a great deal, replied, 'Well, I suppose the one that's gobbled down the top and sucked the cone.'
To which Little RALPHY replied, 'The correct answer is 'the one with the wedding ring on,' but Ilike your thinking.'

LITTLE RALPHY ON MATH (Part 2)

Little RALPHY returns from school and says he got an F in arithmetic.
'Why?' asks the father?'
The teacher asked 'How much is 2x3,'' I said '6', replies RALPHY.
'But that's right!' says his dad.
'Yeah, but then she asked me 'How much is 3 x 2?'
''What's the f...... difference?' asks the father.
'That's what I said!'

LITTLE RALPHY ON ENGLISH

Little RALPHY goes to school, and the teacher says, 'Today we are going to learn multi-syllablewords, class. Does anybody have an example of a multi-syllable word?'
RALPHY says 'Mas-tur-bate.'
Miss Rogers smiles and says, 'Wow, little RALPHY, that's a mouthful.'
Little RALPHY says, 'No, Miss Rogers, you're thinking of a blowjob.'

LITTLE RALPHY ON GRAMMAR

Little RALPHY was sitting in class one day.
All of a sudden, he needed to go to the bathroom.
He yelled out, 'Miss Jones, I need to take a piss!!'
The teacher replied, 'Now, RALPHY, that is NOT the proper word to use in this situation. The correct word you want to use is 'urinate.' Please use the word 'ur-i-nate' in a sentence correctly, and I will allow you to go.'
Little RALPHY, thinks for a bit, and then says, 'You're an eight, but if you had bigger tits, you'd be a TEN!'

LITTLE RALPHY ON GRAMMAR (Part 2)

One day, during lessons on proper grammar, the teacher asked for a show of hands from those who could use the word 'beautiful' in the same sentence twice.
First, she called on little Suzie, who responded with, 'My father bought my mother a beautiful dress and she looked beautiful in it.'
'Very good, Suzie,' replied the teacher.
She then called on little Michael.
'My mommy planned a beautiful banquet and it turned out beautifully.'
She said, 'Excellent, Michael!'
Then the teacher reluctantly called on little RALPHY.
'Last night at the dinner table, my sister told my father that she was pregnant, and he said 'Beautiful, just f...... beautiful!''

LITTLE RALPHY ON GETTING OLDER

Little RALPHY was sitting on a park bench munching on one candy bar after another.
After the 6th one a man on the bench across from him said, 'Son, you know eating all that candy isn't good for you. It will give you acne, rot your teeth, and make you fat.'
Little RALPHY replied, 'My grandfather lived to be 107 years old.'
The man asked, 'Did your grandfather eat 6 candy bars at a time?'
Little RALPHY answered, 'No, he minded his own f....... business.

that's all folks!
ij

6 August 2008 (The Young's) "The benefits of hindsight"

Game 1 – 10 players - (1st Dan, 2nd Baz, 3rd Scott)

We were back in the Young's lounge, the poker suite out of bounds whilst their Au Pair selfishly enjoyed her first trip home in 18 months. Our players kicked off at 20:40, with the first half hour of the game accompanied by a debate among the ladies over the merits of which of the absent players they would rather have sitting next to them.
Jude backed Dan from the off, while Sharon was initially hesitant due to all the irritating and futile interference with the cards and chips. She was soon persuaded of the lack of wisdom in her choice, when it was pointed out that the alternative to Dan was Scott, and a great deal more farting and belching, not to mention the extra space around a crowded table he would occupy. Both girls eventually opted for Dan, while conceding that either option was not a great choice...
IJ incurred the wrath of Jude early on after turning the last 2 cards over on a hand that she had already folded. The only solution was to erase the cards from her memory, but where's the Haitian when you need him?
IJ got fucked by Aces, when he didn't make a pre flop raise and allowed Charlie to hit a straight on the flop. Hitting trip Aces on the river did IJ no favours, merely bringing back hideous memories of the pasting he took last week from hitting trips. Baz would have raised, with hindsight.
The deja vu was complete for IJ, when he went out first again. Baz raised £3 with Qs and IJ re-raised all in with AQ. Qs held up and IJ went out (10th).
Seeing the game for the first time through his new glasses (which no one noticed) JJ proved his jamminess once again, raising all in with AJ.
Jude went all in with 8s and Lee called with AQ.
Q23 arrived on the flop, giving Lee top pair.
JJ, already heavily committed, bravely went all in, despite having fuck all.
Lee, gratefully called but was not relieved when he saw that he had JJ sewn up.
He knew that despite JJ needing runner, runner for a straight, he'd been beaten by those odds before.
Sure enough, JJ hit the 2 cards he needed on the turn and river, to knock Jude out (9th) and take a massive stack of chips. Where's Bea when you need her to slobber all over the jammy bastard?
Lee won a few of his chips back, going all in with pocket rockets after the flop came QQ10. JJ called with KJ, a straight draw, but Lee hit a full house and doubled up.
Perhaps upset at drawing the short straw for who ended up sitting next to her, Sharon did a 'Dan' of her own, wrongly thinking there was a mistake with the dealing. She quickly admitted her error, but not before even Dan had called her 'Dan'.
Sharon raised £2, holding 10s, only for Dan to re-raise £8 with Qs. Shaz, thinking it was an over bet, re-raised all in, which Dan called. Qs held up, knocking Sharon out (8th).
Mark raised a fiver with Qs, which Scott, also wearing new specs (although these were instantly spotted by eagle eye Isaacson), called with Ks. When the flop brought nothing helpful, Mark went all in which Scott called, knocking Mark out (7th). With hindsight, Lee would have called as his AJ would have hit 2 pair.
JJ lost his ill gotten stack over 2 hands. In the first, he had 9s, but Lee's AQ hit a Q on the river.
In the second, he had Q2 and hit a Q on the flop, but Dan's A9 hit an Ace on the river, knocking J out (6th).
Scott picked up a monster chip lead by knocking Lee out. Lee had an Ace that paired on the flop, while Scott was relying on 4 spades turning into a flush. When it did, Lee was knocked out (5th).
The 'curse' of Aces hit Charlie, after Baz hit a flush on the river and knocked him out (4th).
Threeway action between Baz, Dan & Scott was a bad tempered affair. Nothing to do with the players, who kept losing concentration due to IJ & Sharon having a conversation over the table. Lee was decidedly unimpressed and strictly told IJ & Sharon to stop talking and distracting the last three. We knew things were bad when he asked Sharon to call Gaby...
Baz had most of the chips - Shaz was not distracting him so much. But then Dan doubled up at Barry's expense, after his J10 hit a J, while Dan's Q10 hit nowt.
Dan consolidated his lead, after he knocked Scott out. Scott raised with JQ, only to be re-raised all in by Dan, holding 9s. Scott called but Dan hit trip 9s on the flop, finishing off Scott (3rd).
Heads up started at 23:17 and lasted a single hand. Dan's K7 was enough to beat Baz's A6, after he hit a K and won. Ever the selfless gentleman, Barry told us that he did it for the game and he was glad it was over.
But with hindsight, he would have folded.
Luckily for Dan, he was playing in reality, while Baz was only playing in hindsight.
Well done Dan!


Game 2 – 6 players - (1st JJ, 2nd Charlie, 3rd Lee)

Dan took the money from his win and fled, so we were down to 6 for the second game which kicked off at 23:30.
Early irritation was caused by Scott when, having looked at Barry's cards, he cried out as Baz raised £3.25, giving away to JJ that Bluffer Barry was up to his old tricks. JJ won the pot when he called Baz's Bluff. Barry called Scott a cunt for a while.
In hindsight, Barry would never have let Scott look at his cards.
In a later hand, JJ revealed a new tell when he threw the river way off the table, and won the pot.
After a flop of KJ2, Barry raised £3.25. Scott (without the benefit of seeing Baz's cards this time, or hindsight, for that matter) re-raised £5. Baz called, but then laid it down at the turn, despite having top pair. It was a good lay down as Scott was holding Aces.
Barry then re-raised JJ's £4.50 bet all in. JJ called with his lucky Js, and tripped up to send Barry's A9 home. Baz was stoical about his defeat leaving us with these pearls of hindsight wisdom:
"With hindsight, everything's possible" to which Lee pointed out "You couldn't fly with hindsight."
Barry was not to be deterred "Don't overuse hindsight. It should only be used in context."
Of course. Unfortunately for Barry hindsight could not prevent him going out (6th). Even more unfortunately for Barry, hindsight couldn't drive him home. He had to wait for JJ to go out before he could do that.
Scott regretted a decision to call IJ's all in with a straight draw. IJ tripled up, leaving Scott wishing he had hindsight.
Scott didn't even take the benefit of actual sight, when he chased a straight draw again, doubling IJ up, who was holding Qs.
Charlie, holding A10, raised 2 piles of red, after the flop came down A93. Lee re-raised with AJ, but a 9 on the river split the pot, giving Charlie a lucky escape. Lee was fuming: "I had you fucking beaten, again. You lucky bastard."
Over to Barry on the sofa: he was initially watching soft porn on Sky, but after the others objected (it was a distraction) he changed channel to view Ultimate Fighting, perhaps to get some tips for his next session with his trainer. After a while he got bored and decided to count the Royal Flush Pot.
Back to the table: at that very moment, IJ flopped a nut flush, with 4 cards to a Royal Flush in spades, and 2 cards to come. Needless to say he didn't hit it but he could have won £291.50 (thanks to Barry for that info. If anyone's interested, JJ's guess was the nearest, at £294.)
With JKA on the flop, Scott went all in holding JQ. Charlie called with KJ, 2 pair, but Scott hit a straight on the river to double up.
Flush with chips, Scott returned to his favourite past time of chasing straight draws. Charlie went all in when he hit a pair of Ks. IJ laid down AJ, but Scott gracefully doubled Charlie up.
Charles then called Scot's all in. Scott only had 86, but he'd hit an 8. Charles' bread was generously covered with jam, when his QJ hit a straight. Scott was toast (5th).
IJ went all in with AJ, but JJ's deuces held up and knocked IJ out (4th).
Charlie knocked Lee out (3rd), his KQ top pair beating Lee's 2nd pair.
Heads up between the 2 jammiest boys in the game began at 01:10, with the passion only lasting 4 mins. JJ won after his AQ held up against Charlie's A10. Well done JJ!


2008 Poker Rankings Table:


Baz's second widens his lead to 14 points at the top of the table, but the big news this week is in the 3rd & 4th slots.
From being joint 19 points behind last week, Dan & JJ have closed the gap with the top two. Dan is now only 12 points behind Lee, with JJ a further 2 points behind Dan. Could we see a change in the top 2 in the next few weeks?










Conversation topics of the week:

The 2 iphone nerds continued their discussion of the merits of their new toy. Fascinating questions were posed like "What is the meaning of the '3G' sign?" and "Is it meant to be £35 or £35 + VAT?"
The iphone did liven things up a little though, when Baz showed Sharon how it keeps chains of texts together and she started reading his romantic messages. In her defence, she claimed that he wouldn't have given her his phone, with the texts on show, if he hadn't wanted her to read them.
Other topical questions included: Was Rooney given African bum disease in order to create some football news during the off-season?
In a conversation Dean will be sore to have missed, we debated what size Sky box you really need? Scott only wanted 80 hours, but then he only watches 4 hours of TV a week. At the other end of the spectrum (& really getting value out of their tv subscription) Baz revealed that he watches 25 hours a week, more when during the Premiership season. Charlie wasn't too far behind with 2 hours a night plus some extra on the weekend. We concluded that it was for tele addicts like these 2, that Sky created a box with a terabyte of memory. That's 1600 hours of tv, or almost 70 days.
Scott got academic, enquiring whether "What's in your soul?" would be a good philosophy exam question. IJ thought it might be bette for theology students but there were none available to ask.
Finally, pondering the philosophy of poker we pondered: 'What is the true meaning of a bad beat?"

News, videos & Jokes of the week:

Thanks to Baz for news of this very consderate way to end your own life:

http://www.thisislondon.co.uk/news/article-23528839-details/Businessman+uses+Aston+Martin+to+decapitate+himself+in+horrific+suicide+as+revenge+against+his+ex-wife/article.do


Thanks to Dave for some Jewish humour:

Nothing like a yiddisher kop ! (for those that do no understand: Jewish Brains)

Jews have survived for millennia, with a little help from> their brains, not to mention their humour:

The President of Iran was wondering who to invade when his telephone rang.

'This is Mendel in Tel Aviv. We're officially declaring war on you!'
'How big is your army?' the president asked.
'There's me, my cousin Moishe, and our pinochle team!'
'I have a million in my army,' said the president.
'I'll call back!' said Mendel.
The next day he called.
'The war's still on! We have now a bulldozer, Goldblatt's tractor plus the canasta team!'
'I have 16,000 tanks, and my army is now two million.'
'Oy gevalt!', said Mendel. 'I'll call back.'
He phoned the next day. 'We're calling off the war'
'Why?'
'Well,' said Mendel, 'we've all had a little chat, and there's no way we can feed two million prisoners.'


Special Feature: Crime Nation

After Wednesday's night's game, JJ returned to his car, only to find the window smashed and theives had made off with the lead to his Sat nav (perhaps hoping that he had foolishly left his sat nav somewhere in the car. But JJ is no fool...)

As if this wasn't bad enough, a few days later, the north London crime spree spread from suburban East Finchley to leafy Hampstead. IJ witnessed a police chase in his street on Saturday complete with an escaped suspect & full man hunt. Check out the photos:




After a chase round Frognal, the 3 suspects were blocked in by at the Finchley Road. They crashed into the police car, crushing a policewomen who was trying to get them to stop. As she screamed in pain, one of the suspects got out of the car and ran up the road, chased by 2 overweight police officers, passing a meter in front of IJ...


The suspect was too fast for the policemen & he vanished into the front garden of a block of flats. The police closed off the area and stood around for a while wondering where he was....


They brought in a dog & then a chopper, flying low over Hampstead, but still couldn't spot him...



Until a girl spotted him in her back garden, & climbed on this low roof to escape & alert police..

...and eventually the police grabed him, discovering a gun and a load of cash from the armed robery, committed in Swiss Cottage, that afternoon....

They dragged him off....

..... and bundled him into the back of a van...

.... much to the relief of terrified local residents....

not sure I can take any more excitement - think that will have to be all for this week folks!

ilan

30 July 2008 (The Young's) "Careless words cost points for Barry"

Game 1 – 10 players - (1st Charles, 2nd Baz, 3rd Shaz)

We had a full house for the first time in weeks, and kicked off at 20:39 with JJ mightily relieved that Bea was absent, as was Dave, who had difficulties settling her in time to make the start of the game.
In what proved to be a dreadful night for IJ, he hit 3Ks and called JJ's £8.50 raise after the river. Sneaky JJ had hit a full house, also with trip Ks & IJ was lucky to survive.....
.....But not for very long, as the scenario re-occured shortly afterwards, with IJ hitting trips 9s, only to be mullered by James' A9 full house. IJ had a sense of dread as he called James' £5 raise, only to get hit twice by lightening.
Jude was nearly out & went all in with AQ, which Barry called with KQ. He hit 4 diamonds, but the lack of the fifth, helped Jude double up and get right back in the game.
IJ finally hit his full house, going all in with AJ and getting tripled up by James & Barry.
Jude continued her comeback, going all in with Ks which tripped up, only to be recklessly called by Shaz with 89, a pair and a straight draw. Jude doubled up again.
Charlie finally knocked IJ out after IJ went all in when his Q10 hit a Q. Charlie called with QJ, which held up. IJ out (10th).
JJ proved that it wasn't just Bea that puts him off his game, chucking his cards, only to realise that he was the big blind. While this happens often to Dean without disturbing the rest of the game, JJ couldn't remember his cards, but refused to hand over his blind without retrieving his hand from the middle. After a lot of pointless discussion, Lee (ever the patient adjudicator) somehow resolved the matter and convinced JJ he had found his hand, which JJ accepted and then immediately folded. Bring back Bea - someone needs to be slobbered over....
In a move that had to be learnt from Paul, the master of the early exit, James looked at the clock and went all in with 4s. Sharon called with 9s but Lee went all in with A6, hitting an Ace on the first card and knocking James out (9th). Bad news for James, but worse news for the rest of us as Baz started going on and on about how he would have won with A8.
Charlie continued to amass chips, calling JJ's all in with Qs in his hand, which held up against JJ's Js, and knocked him out (8th). But guess what? This time Sharon would have won with AK.
The next major hand turned Charlie into a monster chip leader. Lee went all in with AJ, as did Mark with AQ. Charlie called them both with 7s, and hit a full house, which took out both Lee (7th) and Mark (6th). This ignited a dispute between Baz and Lee as to whether Charlie's move was a good call or not. Baz contributed the insightful 'It was with hindsight'.
The nasty tone of the game continued, when Shaz knocked Dan out (5th) after her 6s tripped up, beating his J10, pair of Js. As the river sealed Dan's fate Sharon showed that she can always find the right words for the occasion, exclaiming "Serves you fucking right!" Dan sheepishly left the table.
Charlie took another scalp, calling Jude's all in with K4, which held up against her Q3. Jude out (4th).
With Baz, Shaz & Chas all in the money spots, the remaining players predicted a crap shoot, which was fairly accurate, but there were some entertaining moments.
Shaz put in a large raise after the turn, when her miserable 78 became a straight draw. Charlie called, despite having a pathetic 78 himself. Turns out, they both hit the straight & split the pot, but Sharon couldn't believe that Charlie called when he had so little in his hand.
Continuing her usual aggressive play, Sharon went all in with AQ, despite the flop giving her nothing. Charlie called and again he had the same hand, AQ, splitting the pot, and once again confounding Sharon as to why on earth he called? Can anyone knock this man off a pot?
Bluffer Barry got bored of not being involved in any action and went all in with K2, after he hit a 2. Sharon called with J9, but K2 held up, doubling the Bluffer up.
Baz won the race to heads up, when his 10s became a full house, beating Shaz's K9, which had hit a K. Shaz was out (3rd) and heads up, or the clash of the iphones, arrived at 22:56.
Baz started off behind but fought valiantly, doubling up after his Q10 hit a Q and overcame Charlie's 9s.
He went all in again with Q4 and Charlie called with KQ. Baz hit a full house and doubled up, but Charlie tried to take his chips back, claiming that he thought he'd hit a Q and split the pot. Luckily we were on to him.
Charlie spent the next few hands complaining that he didn't know what was going on, he was so confused about the split pot that wasn't. But in the end, it was Baz's confusion which ended the game.
In a hand that began uneventfully, Charlie had A2 and raised 2 piles of red. Baz felt lucky and called with 108, which proved a fortuitous punt as he hit top pair on the turn. Charlie, who had not hit anything, raised another 2 pile of red and Barry called. He immediately regretted it, saying that he had meant to go all in but the word 'call' had slipped out. JJ helpfully said 'Let's hope he doesn't hit anything.'
This turned out to be a vain hope, as the river brought an Ace, and when Baz finally remembered to go all in, Charlie's hand was made.
Charlie won at 23:18.
Baz's mistaken call, cost him the game. 'I can't believe I said the wrong thing' he kept repeating, despite claiming that he wouldn't be kicking himself later on.
Well done Charlie & hard luck Barry - let's hope that you don't lose the title by 5 points or less....

Game 2 – 6 players - (1st Dan, 2nd JJ, 3rd Lee)

Play started for the second game at 23:23, with 6 players but only 5 tenners. It turned out the Youngs had both claimed Sharon's 3rd place winnings.
The game was a trying one for Barry, with the other players constantly checking whether he meant to say 'check' each time he did.
The pressure eventually showing, he raised £5 with 4 clubs on the table. Lee re-raised £5 and Baz laid it down, admitting that although he had trips and could have hit a full house, it was not worth another fiver.
IJ finished off an abysmal night of poker, going all in with AK, only to be called by Dan with QJ, which had already hit a Q. IJ out (6th) - first out in both games. Dreadful.
Charlie, followed, going all in with A3, which hit a 3. Dan called after his A6 hit a 6. Dan eventually hit 2 pair and knocked Charlie out (5th).

------------------------------------
Dan continues:

From memory:

I knocked out Baz when he went all in with A9 versus my A10 which held up. Baz out (4th)
I knocked out Lee (although JJ really did the hard work for me) with an over card that hit – Queen I think. He was holding rags with less than a small blind and was small blind. Lee out (3rd)
Heads up didn’t last too long. JJ was massively short stacked but doubled up (about 3 big blinds worth) when I went all in holding a raggy Ace and he held AK which hit a few more Kings if I remember correctly. The hope though was short lived as I knocked JJ out when flop came 359. He had 56 and went all in, I had 89 and called. It held up and it was game over at a respectable 12.48.

So well done Dan - seems like you knocked everysingle player out yourself, & earned a well deserved victory.

For anyone who cares (and I seriously doubt anyone will), Dan adds:

"My first payout since 20th Feb for a second game and first win since 6th Feb. Hoodoo over!"


2008 Poker Rankings Table:

Barry enters August top of our table, a position he has clung onto since May, despite carelessly forfeiting games like this week. His second place moves him a further 2 points ahead of Lee.
Dan's second game result after a couple of weeks off, sends a strong signal to JJ that he is not to be ignored in the title race. He moves into third place, at even points with JJ.
Sharon gains a point, to share 8th spot with Dean, while Charlie's first game result moves him ahead of Vic.









Conversation topics of the week:

Despite Dean's absence, there was lots of tv chat, with serious issues raised such as "When's the 3rd series of Dexter starting?" Charlie helpfully informed us that he is not looking forward to the 4th series of Prison Break.
Mark seemed to prefer playing labryinthe on the iphone than poker. His performance was certainly better at it.
Are the non-kosher M&Ms really any different from the kosher ones?
JJ went to see Mama Mia & loved it (Gaylord).
As did James (bender).
JJ came out singing the tunes, but then he also liked KungFu Panda.
Suggestions were given for a CD of our top 10 poker tunes.
These lined up as follows:

10. The theme tune to Button Moon
9. Anything from 'South Park: The Movie'.
8. Some cheesy 80s shit from Sharon & Jude's favourite 80s mix.
7. Paint it Black - as found on many of our old mobile tones.
6. The theme tune from the A Team.
5. The Ace of Spades.
4. Another one Bites the Dust.
3. The theme tune from Prisoner Cell Block H (as sung by Baz & Dave)
2. Just the 2 of us.
1. Raise me up - how could it be any other???

Congratulations of the week:

To Scott & Dalia Haber on their 10th Anniversary on Saturday, 9th August.

News, videos & Jokes of the week:

Thanks to Baz for news of how absent minded some frummers can be:

http://news.bbc.co.uk/1/hi/world/middle_east/7540112.stm

This one is a bit sickly:

http://videos.komando.com/2008/06/26/christian-the-lion/

& thanks to Dave, for this contribution while on holiday in Italy:

This is a story about a popular young Rabbi who, on Sabbath Eve, announces to his congregation that he will not renew his contract. He explains that he must move on to a larger congregation that will pay him more.

There is a hush. No one wants him to leave.

Sol Epstein, who owns a couple of Toyota and Lexus dealerships in the city stands up and proclaims 'If the Rabbi stays, I will provide him with a new Lexus every year and his wife with a Toyota Sienna to transport their children!'

The congregation sighs in appreciation, and applauds.

Sam Goldstein, a successful entrepreneur and investor, stands and says: 'If the Rabbi will stay on here, I'll personally double his salary, and also establish a foundation to guarantee the college education of all his children!!'

More sighs and loud applause.

Sadie Goldfarb, age 88, stands and announces with a smile,
'If the Rabbi stays, I will give him sex!'

There is total silence. The Rabbi, blushing, asks her:

'Mrs. Goldfarb, whatever possessed you to say that?'

Sadie's 90 year old husband Jacob is now trying to hide, holding his forehead with the palm of his hand and shaking his head from side to side while his wife replies:

'Well, I just asked my husband how we could help, and he said, 'Fuck the Rabbi!''.



and finally, thanks to Dave for this one too:

that's all folks!

ij