It felt good to be back in the Poker Suite, with a relatively normal game free from tense disputes over the colour, texture and general quality of the chips.
We kicked off at 20.43 and shortly after Barry was decimated, when his healthy raises with AJ, top pair, didn't dissuade IJ from backing his flush draw. The nut diamond flush hit and kicked off a miserable night of poker for Baz.
His exit to watch the football was also administered by IJ, who's pocket 10s held up against Baz's 55, and Barry was out (8th).
Dan also chose pocket 10s as his weapon of choice, using them to knock Sharon out (7th), who went all in with 66, only for Dan's pocket 10s to hold up.
The rest of the first game was dominated by Jude the Obliterator who knocked out every remaining player in a tour de force that was a joy to behold (well at least for Mrs J).
First up for a beating was Dave, who went all in with AJ, only to run into Jude's AQ which held up and knocked him out (6th).
She then turned her attention to Charlie, when they both hit top pair, but Jude's Q8 came out ahead of his Q6, and Charlie was knocked out (5th).
Not even Dan's Q high flush was good enough to get the better of Jude, who hit the nut flush and kicked him out (4th). She didn't bother bluffing - her flush was written all over her face, for anyone who cared to notice. Unfortunately for Dan, only Lee & Sharon did. She became a monster chip leader, with the grin to prove it.
Lee went all in and thought his Q10 might be enough to end Jude's rain of terror when he hit a 10. But alas, it was not to be: Jude's A6 turned into a flukey low straight on the river, knocking Lee out (3rd).
Heads up only lasted 10 minutes. Although IJ doubled up 3 times, he was no match for Jude's superior stack. In a reverse of the hand against Lee, she won with Q10 which got lucky against IJ's A6 and Jude claimed victory at 22.30.
Well played Jude!
Game 2 – 5 players - (1st IJ, 2nd Dave, 3rd Lee)
A depleted 2nd game kicked off at 22.45. In the first notable hand, 10 J K of clubs arrived on the flop. There was much excitement as IJ swallowed, convincing Barry that he had hit the Royal Flush. Charlie sensibly laid the hand down, as IJ's 9 of clubs gave him a flush, but no claim on the Royal Flush Pot.
Charlie then doubled up at Barry's expense, leaving Baz smarting after he had hit a full house on the flop but couldn't knock Charlie off the pot, despite several big raises. Charlie's persistence paid off when he hit a higher full house on the river. Baz went out (5th) shortly afterwards, when he ran into IJ's trip 6s.
Dave knocked Charlie out (4th) after he backed his up & down straight draw, which came good and beat Charlie's top pair.
IJ then dispatched Lee (3rd), hitting the nut diamond flush to destroy Lee's KQ suited.
Heads up began at 01.13 and went back and forth for a while, until eventually IJ hit a straight on the river, and beat Dave's flush draw at 01.43.
Well done IJ!
2008 Poker Rankings Table:
Our two winners are the only movers of the week, IJ and Jude overtaking Sharon to move into 5th and 6th place.The top three are unchanged, with a healthy gap ahead of the next three, who have a 5 point lead on the rest of the pack.
Conversation topics:
Crime, paedophilia and general debasement was the order of the day for our evening's conversation. I have only selected a few choice exerts for fear of falling foul of people's firewalls.
Lee revealed what early starters Essex boys are:
Charlie: "Do you remember when you were at primary school and people asked you if you were a virgin?"
Lee: "Well at primary school the answer was always NO!"
Echoing Martyn Lewis, Grandpa Charlie was very upset about the fact that all the news these days is always bad, full of stories about murder, rape and paedos. What kind of a world is he bringing his children into?
This prompted Barry to reveal the paucity of suitable childminders in Borehamwood, posing the question: "Who would you rather babysit for your children: a paedo or a murderer?"
The general consensus was a paedo, assisted by the knowledge that he would probably do it for free.
Baz then declared that he had looked into getting a tracker device fitted to his children, but found it impractical. He was untroubled by the privacy implications, explaining that although he wouldn't tell them about its constant presence in their lives until they were 16, in the unlikely event that one of his kids asked him about it, he wouldn't lie about it. Well that should reassure them Barry.
In his defence, Barry did point out that such a tracking device would have saved Jamie Bulger. This argument didn't quite stack up on the facts, but does that matter?
Discussion also focused on more serious questions including: "Who would you rather sleep with: Mother Theresa alive or the Princess of Wales dead?"
Charlie observed that while he wouldn't do Princess Di, he would have a wank.
Dave joined in with a comment that the punishment for necrophilia should be life in prison
We knew we'd reached a new surreal low, when speculation turned to who was more likely to walk through the door of the poker suite: Jesus Christ or Osama Bin Laden?
Quickly discounting the Jesus option, we moved onto consideration of the more likely (!) scenario
and the further questions this would pose:
If Osama did walk in, alone and unarmed, and gave himself up, would we get in trouble for killing him?
And more importantly, would we still be entitled to the $25 million reward???
Jokes of the week
Thanks to Dave for:
Stella Awards -
It's time again for the annual "Stella Awards"! For those unfamiliar with these awards, they are named after 81-year-old Stella Liebeck who spilled hot coffee on herself and successfully sued the McDonald's in New Mexico where she purchased the coffee. You remember, she took the lid off the coffee and put it between her knees while she was driving. Who would ever think one could get burned doing that, right?
That's right; these are awards for the most outlandish lawsuits and verdicts in the U.S. You know, the kinds of cases that make you scratch your head. So keep your head scratcher handy. Here are the Stella's for the past year:
7TH PLACE: Kathleen Robertson of Austin, Texas was awarded $80,000 by a jury of her peers after breaking her ankle tripping over a toddler who was running inside a furniture store. The store owners were understandably surprised by the verdict, considering the running toddler was her own son.
6TH PLACE: Carl Truman, 19, of Los Angeles, California won $74,000 plus medical expenses when his neighbour ran over his hand with a Honda Accord. Truman apparently didn't notice there was someone at the wheel of the car when he was trying to steal his neighbor's hub caps.
5TH PLACE: Terrence Dickson, of Bristol, Pennsylvania, was leaving a house he had just burglarized by way of the garage. Unfortunately for Dickson, the automatic garage door opener malfunctioned and he could not get the garage door to open. Worse, he couldn't re-enter the house because the door connecting the garage to the house locked when Dickson pulled it shut. Forced to sit for eight, count 'em, EIGHT, days on a case of Pepsi and a large bag of dry dog food, he sued the homeowner's insurance company claiming undue mental Anguish. Amazingly, the jury said the insurance company must pay Dickson $500,000 for his anguish.
4TH PLACE: Jerry Williams, of Little Rock, Arkansas, was awarded $14,500 plus medical expenses after being bitten on the butt by his next door neighbor's beagle - even though the beagle was on a chain in its owner's fenced yard. Williams did not get as much as he asked for because the jury believed the beagle might have been provoked at the time of the butt bite because Williams had climbed over the fence into the yard and repeatedly shot the dog with a pellet gun.
3RD PLACE: Third place goes to Amber Carson of Lancaster , Pennsylvania because a jury ordered a Philadelphia restaurant to pay her $113, 500 after she slipped on a spilled soft drink and broke her tailbone. The reason the soft drink was on the floor: Ms. Carson had thrown it at her boyfriend 30 seconds earlier during an argument.
2ND PLACE: Kara Walton, of Claymont, Delaware sued the owner of a night club in a nearby city because she fell from the bathroom window to the floor, knocking out her two front teeth. Even though Ms. Walton was trying to sneak through the ladies room window to avoid paying the $3.50 cover charge, the jury said the night club had to pay her $12,000....oh, yeah, plus dental expenses.
1ST PLACE: This year's runaway First Place Stella Award winner was Mrs. Merv Grazinski, of Oklahoma City, Oklahoma, who purchased a new 32-foot Winnebago motor home. On her first trip home from an OU football game, having driven onto the freeway, she set the cruise control at 70 mph and calmly left the driver's seat to go to the back of the Winnebago to make herself a sandwich. Not surprisingly, the motor home left the freeway, crashed and overturned. Also not surprisingly, Mrs. Grazinski sued Winnebago for not putting in the owner's manual that she couldn't actually leave the driver's seat while the cruise control was set. The Oklahoma jury awarded her, are you sitting down, $1,750,000 PLUS a new motor home. Winnebago actually changed their manuals as a result of this suit, just in case Mrs. Grazinski has any relatives who might also buy a motor home.
from Baz: Why men don't write advice columns...
Dear Ted,
I hope you can help me here. The other day I set off for work leaving myhusband in the house watching the TV as usual. I hadn't gone more than amile down the road when my engine conked out and the car shuddered to a halt.I walked back home to get my husband's help.
When I got home I couldn't believe my eyes. He was in the bedroom with a neighbor lady making madpassionate love to her. I am 32, my husband is 34 and , we have been married for twelve years.
When I confronted him, he tried to make out that he went into the backyard and heard a lady scream, had come to her rescue but found her unconscious. He'd carried the woman back to our house, laid her in bed, and began CPR. When she awoke she immediately began thanking him and kissing him and he was attempting to break free when I came back.
But when I asked him why neither of them had any clothes on, he broke down and admitted that he'd been having an affair for the past six months.
I told him to stop or I would leave him. He was let go from his job six months ago and he says he has been feeling increasingly depressed and worthless. I love him very much, but ever since I gave him the ultimatum he has become increasingly distant. I don't feel I can get through to him anymore.
Can you please help?
Sincerely,
Susie Fox
Dear Susie,
A car stalling after being driven a short distance can be caused by a variety of faults. Start by checking that there is no debris in the fuelline. If it is clear, check the clips holding the vacuum lines onto the inlet manifold for air leaks.
If none of these approaches solves the problem, it could be that the fuel pump itself is faulty, causing low delivery pressure to the carburettor float chamber.
I hope this helps.
Ted
that's all for this week folks!
ij
