While the first game started fairly efficiently at 20:34, play soon deteriorated into a malaise of farting and chat about poker etiquette. For once, consensus was reached on a number of principles underlying the myriad of rules that govern our game. These proved more interesting than the actual game and are captured later, in an expanded conversation report.
Marky showed his system was still not fully recovered from jet lag, exiting first, when his pair of 10s were overcome by Scott's AQ which hit 2 pair. The rest of us were overcome by Mark's continued brutal campaign of gas attacks, only slightly alleviated by his strategic position by the back door, which had to be opened on a regular basis. Marky was out (10th) and Sharon showed her evil side declaring "I'm really pleased about that."
Jude followed him, going all in with pockets Qs and a flush draw, comfortably ahead of Barry's pocket 7s. Barry requested a delivery of a 7 of spades, and annoyingly for Jude it arrived
on the turn to give him trip 7s and knock Jude out (9th).
IJ had a lucky escape when he was dealt pocket aces and re-raised all in. Barry deliberated for a long time with pocket deuces but ultimately backed down, only to curse his caution when the communal cards, which were dealt for curiosity's sake, included 2 further deuces.
He took vengeance out on JJ, who went all in with A4 suited and fell victim to Baz's KQ which hit a straight. JJ out (8th).
Sharon followed, when her big slick hit nothing and lost to Scott's KK. Sharon (out 7th) wasn't too pleased about that, & IJ declared that 'Justice' was done.
He soon regretted it, when he called Lee's all in after his 37 turned into a full house on the river. With only 2 cards to hit, Lee's pocket Kings hit one of them on the river, giving him a higher full house and devastating IJ. He went all in with his next hand, A9, giving Scott a compulsory call, despite only having 56. Scott hit a 5, knocking IJ out (6th) vowing to never mention the word 'justice' again.
Lee began a monster come back, which Scott claimed to have smelt (although how he could smell anything after sitting in such close proximity to Mark's arse is a mystery to me). After his brush with defeat against IJ, he knocked out both Dean and Dan in one hand. They all went all in and Lee's KQ won the race against Dan's A4 (out 5th) and Dean's A10 (out 4th).
Scott was knocked out (3rd) by Barry, his A3 not strong enough to beat Baz's Q10 which hit 2 pair.
The Jaysons' collectively celebrated the start of heads up at 23:10 by both farting in the kitchen, causing devastation around the poker table. Jude claimed this didn't break her rule about not farting in front of friends not inside her circle of trust (in relation to farting that is) as she was not in the same room. Entry to the circle is by Jude's invitation only and there is no voluntary exit.
Heads up only lasted 2 hands: Lee went all in with JJ and Barry called with KQ, hitting a Q to take victory, despite not being convinced that his call was the right one (or at least talking about it for a while).
Well done Barry, his 6th victory, maintaining his 100% heads up record this year.
Game 2 – 8 players - (1st Baz, 2nd IJ, 3rd Dean)
The first game's super speedy heads up, meant the 2nd game kicked off at 23:28, with more farting and rule discussions to follow.
Scott was the first to go home, his pocket Ks, losing to Barry's pair of aces. Scott out 8th.
Mark followed when his 62 hit a 2, but wasn't strong enough to beat JJ's KQ which hit a Q. Mark out 7th.
Lee proved that deuces never lose(s) when he hit a 2 on the flop to give him a set, doubling him up at Dan's expense. Dan got his own back when his AJ hit nothing but still beat Lee's KJ. Lee out 6th.
IJ doubled up care of JJ, who went all in with Q10 and ran into IJ's pocket Ks. JJ then went in blind and was knocked out by Baz who hit a straight on the river. JJ was out 5th and turned his attention to the kosher Burger that would be coming his way, should Barry achieve a Borehamwood double, on his own.
Baz then continued his march to victory, knocking Dean out (4th) with QQ which held up against Dean's A10. JJ could smell the burger.
Baz knocked Dan out, his J4 hitting a J to beat Dan's 78 which had hit a 7. Dan out (3rd) and JJ could hear the burger sizzling.
Heads up began at 01:21 with Barry a massive chip leader. He hit a card on virtually every flop to pummel IJ into submission. JJ could taste the burger.
Barry claimed his 2nd win of the evening and JJ's free fast food treat, when his pocket 3s hit a 3 to beat IJ's A7.
Well done Baz on a double victory.
2008 Poker Rankings Table:
Barry's 2 wins, place him squarely at the top of the table, with a very comfortable 8 point lead over last week's leader Dan.Lee remains in third but his collection of 2 points from this week and Dave's absence, widen the gap between the top 3 and the rest of us mortals to 10 points.
IJ's 2 points bring him closer to Dave, while Scott's point takes him off the bottom of the table, to join the collection of players nestling in the warmth of Vic's shadow, although none are enjoying it as much as JJ.
Conversation topics:
There were early admissions from both Dean and Dan.
Dean agreed that he was wrong for the second time this year, after telling someone to close the back door (which was open on health and safety grounds, under the Noxious Fumes Regs 1897) as it was his house. It was swiftly pointed out to Dean that it was a rented house and so was owned by the landlord, not him. He graciously backed down.
Dan's revelation was as shocking: "I'm not sexist or racist. But I am a bigot."
To put this in context, it was following his comments on Saturday night that while Dalia or Sharon would have been very happy with him as a husband, Jude wouldn't have been because he is not PC enough for her. But don't be too downhearted Jude: at least this news spares you the agony that Sharon and Dalia are going through, kicking themselves about the lives they could have lived, if only they'd married Dan. You never had that option.
There was a great deal of discussion about the calorific content of the Krispy Kreme Donuts that we were enjoying. Scott reckoned he could eat 6, but after a quick whip round produced offers of a tenner each if he would, he quickly backed down. For those who are interested, Barry has provided the answer to what that might have done to Scott's currently lithe waistline:
http://www.krispykreme.co.uk/krispy/assets/pdfs/Updated%20Nutritional%20Leaflet%20Jan%2008.pdf
After polishing off only 1 donut, Scott declared that to mark the arrival of British Summer Time on Sunday morning, he was wearing a T shirt. Yes, the countdown to summer has finally arrived and with it we look forward to lighter evenings, lazy weekends in the park and Scott's summer wardrobe. In July he will come to poker in sandals and/or shorts (but thankfully he has promised not to wear socks with his sandals). Indeed, so excited is Scott about summer he has pledged that should the temperature ever reach 35 degrees during the day, he will wear his string vest to poker. Well that is something for us all to look forward to. Another highlight of the summer that springs to mind is that it is about that time that Dean starts counting down the weeks to Christmas....
The poor air quality in the poker room led to a debate about whose arse you would rather smell. This was at a point when the smell in the room was at its most pungent. Dean had added his own contribution to Mark's fart, from the other end of the room, capturing the rest of us in a pincer movement of noxious fumes. The pong was so dreadful that Lee cleared off to the downstairs toilet, which at least only smelled hideously of wee. He returned armed with air freshener which added a delightful grapefruit fragrance to the mix. Dean declared that he would rather smell the air freshener than Kate Moss' arse, ignoring the obvious advantages of being so close to the supermodel's derriere. Barry would be interested in being close to Bella Emberg's arse (and yes, he is aware that she is dead...)
The Poker Elite Constitution
We the regular poker players, the self proclaimed 'Elite', do declare that our game of poker values commitment above equality, as it is our regular commitment and dedication that ensures that 2 games of poker are held every week.
The rules and conventions that we have developed maintain the order and smooth running of our game, and are founded upon the spirit of commitment that our players display. All players who accept these rules are welcome and all those who abide by them are free to slag them off and argue over them continuously.
While a commitment to 2 games a week is the standard we expect of all elite members (hereafter called 'members'), we recognise that on occasion it may be necessary, in certain circumstances, for members to miss the second game, particularly if it starts at some ungodly hour. These circumstances are not prescribed but must be exceptional, a judgement which will be made by the remaining members.
If a game is oversubscribed and a member decides not to play a second game for a frivolous reason, this will be judged as 'conduct unbecoming of a member of the elite'. Offenders will receive an official warning, recorded in the blog, and repeat offenders will forfeit their elite membership and automatic right to a weekly place around the table.
Other behaviours may be ruled 'conduct unbecoming' from time to time. Presently, farting and saying 'I'll put you all in' are examples of such behaviour.
Any member may allege another member has displayed 'conduct unbecoming' at any time. The matter will be put to a members' vote in the usual manner and such action taken as deemed necessary.
Membership can be suspended while a player is away for an extended period of time, but upon return the member must demonstrate their commitment to the game over a 6 week period. During said period, members on probation may miss a second game but their reason better be really exceptional.
The weekly game, all proposals for rule changes, the electoral process and other duties will be conducted by the Hon Secretary of the Elite, currently Lee.
A full rule book may be issued by the Hon Secretary from time to time.
Jokes of the week
Thanks to Barry for this word of warning if anyone is planning any DIY this weekend..
Man Shoots Wife Dead Trying To Install TV
A man who tried to use a gun to install a satellite television system ended up shooting his wife dead by accident. Ronald Long tried to make a hole in the exterior wall of his house in Missouri, US, to install the dish for the system. After several unsuccessful attempts, he got a .22-calibre handgun and blasted two holes in the wall. The second bullet hit his wife, Patsy, in the chest, fatally wounding her. She was standing outside the house at the time, but Long reportedly thought she was inside.
(see http://news.sky.com/skynews/article/0,,30200-1310857,00.html )
He said "I got the telly working!"
'Spend, spend, spend' from JJ:
JJ also provided this one for the Northerners among us:
An American decided to write a book about famous churches around the world, so he bought a plane ticket and took a trip to Rome. On his first day he was inside a church taking photographs when he noticed a golden telephone mounted on the wall with a sign that read $10,000 per call.
The American, being intrigued, asked a priest who was strolling by, what the telephone was used for. The priest replied that it was a direct line to Heaven and that for $10,000 you could talk to God. The American thanked the priest and went along his way.
His next stop was in Moscow. There, at a very large cathedral, he saw the same golden telephone with the same sign under it. He wondered if this was the same kind of telephone he saw in Rome and he asked a nun what its purpose was. She told him that it was a direct line to Heaven and that for $10,000 he could talk to God. "OK. Thank you," said the American.
He then travelled to France, Israel, Germany and Brazil. In every church he saw the same golden telephone with a "$10,000 per call" sign under it.
The American finally decided to travel to the UK to see if the British had the same telephone. He arrived in York and again, in the Minster, there was the same golden telephone, but this time the sign under it read "20p per call". The American was surprised so he asked the priest about the sign.
"Reverend, I've travelled all over the world and I've seen this same golden telephone in many churches. I'm told that it is a direct line to heaven, but everywhere I went the price was $10,000 per call. Why is it so cheap here?"
The priest smiled and answered, "You're in Yorkshire now son. It's a local call."
Best of all, thanks to Barry for supplying a snap of JJ in his Purim outfit:
I'm not sure there is anything I can add to that, so I will sign off.
ij
