26 April (S&L's house) £0 profit – “Lesbo Night”

Game 1 (1st David, 2nd JJ, 9 players)

The early manoeuvrings saw Sharon (AA) clash with Dave (J10). Dave was behind with two Js but pulled ahead with two pairs when a 10 came on the turn. Sharon then won on the river as the board paired 9s.

Sharon (A of spades and Q) then doubled up against Charlie (K8 spades). The flop came 7 9 10 spades and Charlie raised a suspicious pile of blacks. The Q spades hit on the turn to dent Charlie’s piles. More on piles later.

Les bowed out first followed by Charlie who lost unluckily on the river to me. Les kindly offered to deal to speed up the game, but after dealing 30 straight hands he was worn down by dealing tiredness, amnesia (Ilan was sitting to your left by the way) and the plague of the firstborn.

Lee then tripled up against Dave and Sharon. Sharon then doubled up against Dave.

Jude then fell to Dave and I knocked short-stack Dan out with 67 suited versus KJ. Sweet.

Dave then went on a great run knocking out Sharon and Lee in quick succession.

Heads-up and massively short-stacked against Dave I hit a lovely lucky full house (JJJ AA) to double up, but then called Dave’s all-in with a straight draw that never came.

Game 2 (1st Dan, 2nd Lee, 7 players)

Scott stormed into a super-monster early chip lead.

Dan (Q and 5 spades) knocked out Dave with an outrageous amount of luck. The flop came A5A (hitting trip As for Dave). Running spades (2 and 9) gave Dan an early indication that it might be his night. The dirty bast@rd.

Scott announced he’d lose his chips in an hour to Dan.

I won a decent pot against Scott to gain some chips but Charlie was flushed when he folded his flush draw and it came on the river.

Scott revealed he’d folded big slick following a £4.50 raise from Dan prompting Charlie to show his depth of knowledge of the game by saying “what, you threw Aces”.

Scott (10 9) must have thought his luck had changed when 10 A 10 came on the flop. He exchanged about 4 re-raises with Lee (10 4) who got very lucky when a 4 came on the river to make a full boat.

The end of Les was nigh as he beat his time by 11 minutes in a fantastic display of poker profligacy. As predicted, Dan became the chip leader knocking Scott out with a higher kicker as both hit top pair on the flop.

Lee KO’d Ilan with AQ versus A2 and then held AA against Charlie’s 88.

In a massive pot I went out to Lee. Similar to the trip 10s hand earlier, we both hit a set of 7s on the flop. Believing I was reeling Lee in, I called all his raises then went all-in only to be out-kickered by a K versus my J. At this point Lee was monster chip leader and I left.

Lee adds the following summary:

It was a travesty!! Me Charlie and Dan all left - I had the chip lead. Charlie was the small stack and goes all in with an A 4 spades. Dan goes all in with a pair of Q's and I go all in with a pair of K's. Should be job done, but the flop brings up 8,9,10 with a J on the river. Dan fluked it - the very dirty ba#tard! I was still in but just left chips in until he finally called an all in and won. Don’t begrudge Dan some luck but he did not deserve it the filthy swine (and you can leave that in!)

Conversation topics

After a three week lay-off, it was lesbo night at the Youngs while the poker suite opening was delayed until the Queen is available for the opening ceremony. Jude was quick to tell us to turn to channel 925 on Sky as she was missing the 10 minute all girl free view. Dean – now you know what your wife gets up to when you’re away ‘on business’ and why the au pair left. To say Jude went red as channel 925 popped up would be a massive understatement.

I’d just seen a really fat and really thin lesbian couple on a train journey and this provoked a lengthy discussion about strange pairings such as two shags affair with his much younger secretary. Blunkett’s dog must have seen a whole load of action recently.

Ilan had just finished reading a book about his new employer and was more than a little shocked to discover that GE sack the bottom 10% of their staff each and every year. 127,000 people in total over the years. Brings a whole new meaning to the phrase ‘you’re fired’. Suddenly, being lured is not quite so appealing.

Announcements

Good luck to Ilan who starts his new job at GE next week.
Lost returns next week. Get R’ing.

Dan-isms

“All-in always wins tonight” – incredibly this was spot-on for an awfully long time as anyone who went all-in doubled up and anyone who was all-in but had announced it as a raise lost. Every dog has his day.

Dan then announced he’s “always happy to help smooth your piles”. No-one took him up on the offer.

Gayest phone ring (new feature)

Ilan – by a comfortable distance.

Rudest flop

J 4 K – that’s a Jack Fuck1ng for those without a creative mind.

Stupid road names feature

There is a road in Leeds called Street Lane Gardens.