5 April (J&D's house) £20 loss – “Shitting Forecast: One Armed Bandit will be shat on from a great height”

Game 1 (1st Lee (again), 2nd Jude, 10 players)

Early on I held KK versus Ilan and showing the sort of inspiration that made GE ‘lure’ him in, Ilan announced “if I’d have hit anything, I’d have had you”. He followed this up insisting a short while later that he had the bigger kicker when the kicker was irrelevant. Are you Dan in disguise?

Not wanting to be outdone, Dan (with JJ) cranked it up a notch or three by spilling most of his drink over the floor when the flop came J62. Jude went all-in with a nut flush drawer and hit the 10 on the turn to decimate Dan’s chips. With just £2.75 left, Dan went all-in with 10 10 only for Lee to call with AQ. As I dealt the cards I announced is Dan going to sweat it out to the end? The computer said ‘No’ as the first card dealt was an A.

Ilan and Dave exited soon afterwards. I then lost lots of chips to perv Lou who’d hit 2 pairs on the flop -the ‘dirty bastard’.

Jude then despatched Vic and me hitting trip 4s on the flop.

Barry doubled up against Lou.

At this point Dan said “I’ve got a request from my dad to…” “Shut up – came the instant response from Barry Schumacher.

Barry (AK) then walked into AA (Lee) and was knocked out – making Lee the monster chip leader.

Dean arrived just in time to play two hands and lost to Jude (who hit a pair of 8s and then a pair of Ks just to rub it in).

Lou was then shat on from a great height with 10 10 versus K 10 (Jude) – two further Kings came. This was so cruel you could almost feel the shit being massaged into Lou’s grey hairs.

Heads-up saw Jude versus Lee. The new pair of glasses had not changed Lee’s play and eventually (after about 30 mins of inactivity) Lee checked top pair, Jude went all-in with middle pair and it was game over.

Game 2 (1st Dave, 2nd Lee, 9 players)

Dave won some early chips with KK.

I gained some early chips when I hit top two pair versus Dan. Vic then doubled up against Barry with a straight on the turn and then returned the favour doubling Barry up. Vic then managed to double up again with AA versus Barry Senna’s KK.

Ilan was first out at 1.16am. Lee quickly knocked out Barry and decimated Vic (JJ) with AQ.

I then made Dave monster chip leader by going out with K6 (flop was 336). Dave had KK and called my large all-in.

Lewis hung around for ages like a bad smell – which is not surprising given what Jude did to him earlier.

Dave used my chips to good advantage to take the win against Lee in the heads-up. Well done.

Conversation topics

The conversation was of the highest quality. How would you define a Kit Kat, who is responsible in the home for removal of mice/other small animals, how many companies have we all worked for.

Barry arrived with the taste of the policeman’s helmet in his mouth – anything to avoid 3 points on his license for speeding in his new car.

There was a strong musical theme throughout the night. Barry drove ‘like a bat out of hell’. Lou revealed how Sue had bumped into Fergal Sharkey’s car. He should have let her off too as there was hardly a mark on the car, but as we know ‘a good heart is hard to find’. Gene Pitney died – end of (literally). Vic belted out ‘my old man’s a dustman’ – like father like son. Dean fell asleep at the table and was woken by the Geoff Show playing ‘cheer up sleepy Dean’.

Former Enron-employee, Vic revealed he’d signed an £8m deal today (sorry was it £17m?).

One armed bandit Lou showed off his erotic chat and then wondered why his son is showing the early signs of Tourette’s.

Arsenal made it through to the semi-finals for the first time ever. Taking defeat ever so well, the Italians set their stadium on fire.

With my job under threat, tactics were discussed. Today’s update is that we’ve made him an offer as Manager (not Assistant Manager) but he’ll report into me. Hopefully, he will refuse.

Announcements

Mazel tov to Ilan on being ‘lured‘ to GE Money as its first (and probably last) UK Head of Government Relations.

The poker suite is ready. The opening ceremony will be in 3 weeks time.

Congrats to Sharon on finally returning to work.

Fact of the week

A jumper is not just something you wear when it’s a bit cold. It’s also a ‘small connector used to make temporary electrical connections’.

Did you know? (posed by Ilan)

The major difference between the Sunnis and the Shi'a has to do with the issue of succession after the Prophet (S). That is to say, who had the prerogative to lead the Muslim community in temporal and religious affairs after the demise of the Prophet. Our view is that the Prophet (S) explicitly appointed (nass-ul-jali) Imam Ali (a.s.) as his successor in accordance with the divine instruction. We envision the Imam as someone who is endowed with grace and benevolence (lutf), who can guide the community in all spheres without commiting any mistake or error because he is infallible (ma'soom)[Shaykhs Mufid and Saduq were of the opinion that the Imams are prone to committing small errors]. The doctrine of Imamate is at the heart of the issue which divides the Sunnis and the Shi'a. Of course, there are many other differences between these two main branches of Muslims but they are derived from the basic disagreement on the question of succession to the Prophet (S). In contrast, the Sunnis view the seat of the caliph as a political function that can be entrusted to a competent and trustworthy individual without any explicit appointment from the Prophet (S).

Research challenges of the week (posed by Dean who’d woken up at this point)

1) Details of 14 deaths in Eastenders. See http://www.theintelli.com/Dry-to-Ecs/EastEnders.php – disasters in Walford section.

2) Number of people called Jonah born in 2002. Not very many as it has not appeared in the UK top 100 list since 2001 http://www.statistics.gov.uk/specials/babiesnames_boys.asp

3) Number of circumcised cocks in the Premiership. There are approx. 4,000 registered players in the Premiership and Football League. Assuming a circumcision rate of 6.5% (see article and great photo at http://www.malehealth.co.uk/userpage1.cfm?item_id=1352), one could estimate that 260 footballers fall into this category.