8 June (S&L's house) £60 profit – “Oooh, what lovely paragraphs”

Game 1 (1st JJ, 2nd Lee, 10 players)

The table was evenly split with spectacled players on one side and the freaks on the other. The game started minus our hard-working Accenture friends. Dan arrived last – one paragraph proving a little too difficult to test. I can see where all the hours go.

Early on I gained some chips with AA versus Lee.

Dean threw 77 only to see 77 come on the flop. D’oh. Dean’s poker face was something to behold.

Dan got lucky with AK versus Sharon’s AA (and a royal flush draw). 10 on the river gave Dan a straight. Sharon was not impressed.

Ilan hit trip Qs on the river against Charlie’s two pairs (KK 22) to win lots of chips.

Jude then fell with AK versus my 99.

Barry (99) was similarly unimpressed with Dean (33) when Dean hit runner runner for a straight.

Dave (10 10) was KO’d by Lee’s QQ which tripped up.

My early lead took a massive dent when I went all in with JJ only for Barry to have KK and double up.

Ilan was then unlucky to fall with AK versus my AQ. Lee knocked Dean out with AK versus AQ.

In the key hand of the game, Bluffer Barry went all-in with Q4 (are you sure your vision is 20:20?) and Lee called with JJ and I went all-in with AA to take down a monster pot (ending up with AAA 10 10).

Dan then exited leaving Lee and I heads-up. I hit two pair (AA 33) and Lee’s flush and straight draw didn’t come off making it a happy return from my mid-season break.

Game 2 (1st Basra Barry, 2nd Lee, 8 players)

Barry gained an early lead hitting a straight versus Dave’s two pairs. I sensibly folded a lower two pairs. Barry then won 4 pots out of 5 gaining a large early lead.

Dave was first out followed quickly by Dan who fell to Barry’s AAA KK. Barry got revenge on Dean for the first game with both players hitting straights on the flop, only for 4 diamonds to provide a remarkable flush. Put that one in your calculator Vic!

Ilan doubled up against me and then repeated the trick shortly after. Lee then doubled up with AA versus Barry’s AK.

In the lay-down of the night, Charlie let AA go with 4 clubs on the board. Barry had the 8.

My luck seemed to have turned when having hit a pair of Ks on the flop versus Ilan’s AJ, he then hit three runners in a row to make a miracle straight. The dirty bastard. Lee was feeling confident when he saw I had Q6 (spades) versus QQ only for 3 more spades to double me up. Lee then doubled up against Barry with two pairs. Charlie (A3 spades) then doubled up against Ilan (QQ) with a lucky flush. Lee then doubled up against Charlie with a straight on the flop and finished him off with 99 versus Charie’s A 10. It wasn’t looking good for Lucky Lee when a 10 came on the flop. A 9 on the turn though saw Lee through to a heads-up against nemesis Barry.

Barry had the monster of all leads (the biggest I think we’ve ever seen) but Lee hunted him down with his weapons of mass destruction. Lee started his comeback with four 9s on the board winning with an A kicker and built a big lead to Basra’s obvious distress. The turning point was when Barry freed his ass from the rogering Lee was giving him with KK versus Lee’s A8 to double up. The game was all over shortly after making it two wins for Borehamwood and celebratory burgers next week.

Conversation topics

The reason for Dean’s late working hours was finally revealed as it turns out that Accenture promotions are announced at 10.50pm on a random night each year and if you’re not around then you have to wait for the following year.

Charlie’s geek status was threatened – first he provided out of date information on HDTV, then he managed to dislodge the TV’s scart cable before failing in his ‘fix Lee’s PC’ challenge. Dean then feigned interest in Charlie’s career – when all he was interested in was to pitch for some work.

The most interesting topic of discussion was to how to watch Shabbat World Cup games without compromising your principles. Barry’s Shabbat Shmodesh idea was the clear winner. Shabbat Shmodesh occurs every 4 years in the summer and allows one to watch TV (football games only, no children’s crap) in peace.

Quote of the week

Shell-shocked at being outed by Dean, Dan could not perform any Danisms, so Charlie and Basra Barry stepped up to the plate.

Charlie: “Flushes have to come on the river”.

Barry: “we used to call each other Basra Barry and Kandahar Kandice – an Iranian theme”. Clearly you must have dropped geography before GCSEs - or O Levels in your time.

This week’s definition

Burgering – verb, to spit roast a dwarf.

This week’s trivia

Dave raised the debate of whether a person whose hands were chopped off and reattached on the opposite hand would remain right/left-handed.

Evil babysitters

I recounted the tale of our evil babysitter in Israel who spent $14 on phone calls from our hotel room and ate half a massive bar of Dairy Milk (a present for Yael’s Grandma) and half the kid’s pick-and-mix sweets. Yael got her own back by telling her mum and an apology with sweets and cash was received. Jude topped this by recounting that once in Tel Aviv they returned to find their hotel babysitter fast asleep in their bed. .

Evil Ibuprofen

CC (Conspiracy Charlie) revealed that Ibuprofen can give you have a heart attack, while someone else pointed out that when you jump out of a plane your heart rate is higher than it would be in a heart attack. A comforting thought for the table’s unlikely sky divers (Dean and Ilan) – make sure you hold hands and whatever you do don’t take any Ibuprofen beforehand.

Evil baby

A baby weighing 6lbs 6oz was born on 06/06/06 and was named Damian. See http://www.sky.com/skynews/article/0,,91059-1223965,00.html

This week’s news (contributed by Ilan)

Ilan told the tragic story of parents of a car crash victim in the US who started a blog to pray for their badly injured daughter. The only problem was it wasn’t their daughter, but hey, you win some you lose some. See http://news.bbc.co.uk/1/hi/world/americas/5037536.stm

Ilan then told everyone about the guy who bet his girlfriend a threesome if he could produce a website and get a million hits. See http://www.helpwinthisbet.com/404/

Ilan's final story related to the guy who sold a dodgy computer on ebay but then probably regretted he hadn't. See http://www.amirtofangsazan.blogspot.com/