13 June (S&L's house) £0 profit – “Barry launches safe-deposit box service”

Game 1 (1st Ilan, 2nd JJ, 10 players)

Out of 10 players only 5 were there when the game kicked off about 9pm. That said, credit to the ladies (Sharon, Jude and Scott) for coming straight from book club. This week’s book ‘confessions of a bad mother’ was a good choice as Sharon and Jude rushed off early to get their poker fix.

In an early contender for hand of the night Scott held QQ and hit four of a kind.

Short-stacked I doubled up against Scott (optimistic flush draw) after hitting QQQ on the flop. I then exacted a small amount of revenge on Barry by going all-in with top two pairs on the flop (77 66). Barry called and was knocked out with K7.

Ilan (KK) won lots of chips from Dan (straight) with KKKJJ.

Lee doubled up (I have this phrase in my cut and paste as it happens so many times) versus Dean hitting AA KK. Scott then KO’d Dean who announced he felt like a rabid dog being put down.

I knocked out Sharon with AAA66 on the flop versus trip Aces. Jude knocked out Dave with 10 10.

Lee doubled up (there it is again) against Jude with AA QQ before Ilan (straight) KO’d slow-playing Scott (QQ).

Dan doubled up against Jude before falling to Lee.

Lee’s luck finally ran out in bizarre circumstances when hitting the flush on the river also gave Ilan a full house (AAA 55) and the end also saw the end for Jude.

Heads-up versus Ilan I pulled back to nearly level until going all-in on the flop with top pair. Ilan had hit a flush on the flop and it was all over. Dean – you owe Ilan £10.

Game 2 (1st Barry, 2nd Dan, 7 players plus a couple of moths)

Barry lost chips early on to Ilan (nut straight).

Dave doubled up against me and came from behind to hit JJ. I then went all-in when it was checked all the way down. Both Dan (flush) and Ilan (pair on the river) called to knock me out.

Scott got lucky with a flush on the river versus Dave’s two pairs to double up and then built a big lead (we all know what happened next) with AA versus Dan’s AK. The next hand saw lucky Lee also get AA. Scott’s decline began losing with 66 to Dan and with A5 to Lee’s QQ.

Ludicrously lucky Lee then got AA again versus Scott’s KK to double up.

Barry KO’d Dave with top pair (KK) before Lee doubled up yet again with not 2, not 3 but 4 Aces (I’m thinking of having your sleeves checked for Aces). Sitting out the next hand, Lee would have hit 3333.

At this point 2.10am I realised I’d left my keys at home and would have to wake Yael up. I sobered up.

Lee was finally KO’d by Dan (JJJ).

Heads-up Barry was short-stacked but pulled back before hitting runner runner to make a straight following an all-in bluff.

Conversation topic

Barry was made to relive the WT fiasco and creative suggestions were offered from around the table.

Quotes of the week

JJ: when questioned on why the WTs needed to be photographed “People like to see that you’ve got them”. Scott: “well you don’t.

“The fact that Arsene Wenger took everybody to the Champions League final apart from Walcott says a lot. He even took the tea-lady." (Ossie Ardiles on the selection of Theo Walcott)

Barry: after piling his chips up high announced “just replicating my kn0b”.
Dave: “is it made of chips?”
Barry: “no, it’s black”.

Ilan: “Don’t say if you know, but how many WC squads have all their players playing in the domestic league”
Dave: “I know one, but I can't remember the name of the other one”
Everyone: “So, it’s two then”.
The answer is Saudi Arabia and surprisingly Italy (clearly the Italians are not good travellers).

Musical interlude (provided by Ilan and Jude)

Ilan: “It’s getting hot in here”.
Jude: “So don’t take off all your clothes”.

Family Fortunes

We asked 100 people what they’d trust Barry with. The top answer was:

1. A paperclip (100%)

This week’s paranoia

Scott was convinced that Dean had hidden his keys before finding them on the table. Great hiding place.

Refuah Shlaimah

To the poker table which has developed some worrying lumps. A visit to the well-table clinic has been booked for next week.