29 June (D&J's house) £20 loss – “Another good year Jonathan. Well done”

Game 1 (1st Ilan (hat trick of wins in last 3 weeks), 2nd Lee, 10 players)

The game started in dismal fashion for me walking into Lucky Lee’s QQQQA hand – an early contender for hand of the night but not the eventual winner. Lee continues to bleat that he’s no luckier than anyone else, but the last time I had four of a kind was when the Jayson’s first au pere turned up – and there’s been two more since then.

Dave went all-in early against Barry and after a lengthy wait when even the giraffe in the corner of the room had lost interest, Barry folded.

I was then KO’d by Dave’s QQ. Lewis followed shortly afterwards with A9 versus Dave’s AA.

James doubled up against Dave with a straight on the river having been ahead, behind and then ahead.

Jude (AJ) exited to Dave’s Q8. In a night for low pairs, Dean doubled up with 88 versus Lee’s AJ.

James then caught Barry shoulder-deep in cookies. A couple of hands later Dean raised £5 with KKK and Barry called with deuces. Smart cookie.

Dave (nut flush draw and pair of Aces) fell to river rat Dean who went all-in with 10 10 and hit another 10 on the river. You DB x3.

Dean spilled a glass of wine all over the table. Clearly the sexual tension in the air with Barry at that end of the table was just too much. Barry was KO’d by James (10 10) before Ilan doubled up again versus James with a nice full house.

In the hand of the night and possibly the year, James (KK) doubled up against Dean (A8). The flop came 282 and Dean rightly went all-in. James called and the turn saw another 8 giving Dean 888 22. The final card was a magical K producing a higher full house for James. Clearly on tilt, Dean exited the next hand.

Ilan (pair of Qs) then all but knocked out James (holding JJ).

Heads-up it was Lee versus IJ and Ilan (Q4) called Lee’s short-stacked all-in (A4) and hit four to a straight to take the game.

Game 2 (1st Barry, 2nd Dan), 9 players

Barry got off to a flyer knocking Dean out early on.

An Ace of hearts was found on the floor. Yellow cards all round.

Barry’s stack grew and his chips also multiplied when he hit two pairs versus IJ’s slow-played AA.

James exited to Dan’s KK. Lewis fell to Barry’s full house (444 KK).

I (55) doubled up against Dave (JJ) with a lucky straight. DB x12. I then knocked out IJ with AJ versus A7.

Dan won a nice pot against Barry with JJJ AA. Lee doubled up against me with 44 versus AK and then repeated the feat with A 10 versus Barry’s 77.

I fell to Lee’s KK when short-stacked.

Barry continues…

“Lee low on chips, me chip leader. Lee makes a bad mistake by inadvertently folding big blind. Lee takes it back after realising he is big blind. I see this and raise. Lee folds. Next hand Lee was out to Dan. Dan and me were heads-up. Pretty even chips at one point then I slowly whittle Dan down. He then goes all in with 10 5 (both hearts). I call with AA (first aces I've had in weeks)! Aces hold up, I win. Dan second.”

Conversation topics

Dave is off to Las Vegas a week on Friday to take part in the World Series and was feeling good to get a couple of bad beats out of the system.

Sue was caught going through a red light by the police. Ilan said someone he knew in a similar situation had written back to say it was their daughter from Israel driving the car and would they like her address there. The police wrote back to ask if she had a beard!

Jude was unmasked as the 21st bomber.

We discussed the positioning of mezuzot and Be’shet.

Quotes of the week

Dave: “anyone who’s dead gets to be part of the Shiva”. Profound.

Anniversaries

50th game of the year, 3 years of weekly poker games and 6 months of blogging – congrats to everyone associated with our game and long may it continue.

See Barry’s league table below (5 points for a win, 1 for a second) below for your performance in 2006. Vic – I suggest you turn away now. Mark is planning a surprise trip back towards the end of the year to take the single game win he needs to overtake you.

















Elite promotion

Ilan was promoted to Elite status following a vote of Elite members. Well done and congrats on a hat trick of wins in the last 3 weeks which has propelled you up the table.

Refuah Shlaimah

To me, who’s suffering from playing squash, tennis then squash on three consecutive days. It’s tough at the top. The personalised message in my salary review this week should make me feel better – ‘another good year Jonathan, well done.’ Lewis, who was playing with 5 stitches in his shoulder, dealt for over an hour and warmly embraced the new twin-pack shuffling routine.

With sympathy

It is my sad duty to report that the two frogs pictured in a previous blog have croaked. Yisgadal…

Life at Accenture

The hard work sadly got to one of Dean’s colleagues who passed away this week from a heart-attack aged 34. The funeral will be held at midnight after next year’s planning session. Dean was too busy to attend his corporate hospitality day at Wimbledon. Dan fought back when asked to produce a re-plan at 9pm for the following morning. Now he’s got a whole day to produce it.

World Cup quote

Lovely quote from a commentator in China:
http://www.sky.com/skynews/picture_gallery/picture_gallery/0,,30000-1225865,00.html

22 June (S&L's house) £60 profit – “Dave’s shuffling idea proves a winner”

Game 1 (1st JJ, 2nd Dave, 10 players)

On the longest day of the year, the game kicked off at 8.10pm with 5 players all keen to try out Dave’s radical shuffling innovation. It worked like a dream with the first game wrapped up by 10pm.

Scott started brightly winning the first 3 hands for a total of maybe £2. Dave (AA) took chips off Charlie (10 10) early on. Scott then won a large pot against Ilan hitting a full house versus Ilan’s nut flush.

Ilan then KO’d Charlie and Lee with KQ.

Jude won a large pot against Dave with a full house (888 10 10).

Dean (10 10) then exited to Dave (QQ) before I raised a suspicious sounding £10.75 to Ilan who called with 999 (hit on the river) versus my nut flush (hit on the river).

Barry (22) fell to Ilan (top pair).

I then repeated my stupidity of the previous week by repeatedly raising against Scott with nothing. Scott called my final £7 raise with second pair.

Sharon arrived with three red chips and three black chips and went on an incredible run that took her into the final three. Sharon first doubled up with 55 versus Jude’s K7. Jude was then KO’d by Dave (10 10).

Sharon then hit 99 (turn and river) to double up against me (paired Aces). Sharon repeated the feat a minute later against Ilan hitting a straight on the river and knocking him out.

I then doubled up against Scott with AK versus 9 10 before Sharon doubled up again versus Dave with 88 versus 66. Yet again Sharon doubled up against me (99) with a lucky flush on the river and once more doubled up against Dave.

In the key hand of the night I held AQ and raised pre-flop two piles of reds. Scott called and got lucky on the flop hitting top pair (KK). I assumed he hadn’t hit anything and went all-in. I then got a tad lucky to hit an A and knock out Scott.

Dave then doubled up against Sharon before the hand of the night saw Sharon double up for the 7th time against me. Holding 72 versus my 62 the cards came 7676K. Astonishing scenes in East Finchley.

Dave finally knocked out Sharon leaving us heads-up. One or two hands later it was all over. Dave went all-in with a flush draw and I called with bottom pair (22) to take the game.

Game 2 (1st Ilan, 2nd Dave, 10 players (the same ones as the first game)

Dave started brightly with AA in the first hand.

I also won a nice early pot against Barry who raised £3 with 23 (suited!) and I called with second pair.

Scott wound Dean up but was not prepared for the response. In a move yet to be seen on the World Poker Tour, Dean marched round the table and farted on Scott’s head.

I departed after hitting a lovely flush on the flop (plus a straight flush draw). Dave raised £4.50 twice and then went all-in. I reluctantly called suspecting the higher flush. Dave had hit a higher flush on the flop with Q5 diamonds and became the early chip leader.

Guest author Lee continues:

The blogs guest writer enters at the point that JJ hangs his head and troops out claiming to be “happy” that he will get an early night - the look on his face suggests he may not get to sleep for a while!

Barry wipes the tear away as his buddy leaves and then gives a substantial amount of chips to Lee as a self penitence – he’ll be joining opus dei soon.

Scott was next out - no-one quite remembers how but his flatulence was not missed.

Jude was then floored when her 10 10 was greeted by a K K - however she was happy to have played 2 games – good for you Jude - it’s the taking part not the winning!!

Jude then perched on Dean’s shoulder and Dean was very soon after getting the salmon from the fridge and he was out of there (if anyone wants to own up to knocking him out - please do)
Time check - we are down to 6 out of 10 - its 11.45 - looking good - Dave’s two pack idea is paying off.

Bazra pipes up with an all in with AJ – Shaz thinks she has a tell on Baz - his chips are in - he must be bluffing - she calls with A 3. The poker gods smile and Basra is packing his bags as a 3 hits the flop - with nowt else to help him.

Ilan - hanging about like a Scott (nasty smell) makes a couple, of all in maneuvers taking chips of Dave and Charlie.

Lee makes the usual run of raises mid game – builds chips then loses them in a hand to Charlie and is back in the poopa.

Two decks still working well - the cards are flying.

Ilan (AK) is all in – Charlie (now insignificant stack) calls - (7 8 suited) - Shaz calls – J K - flop brings 9’s A – a cowboy then appears - Charlie is out - Shaz is crippled .

Shaz then does the obligatory all in (A 8). Dave calls with K 7 two kings on the flop - Shaz is gutted and berates Dave for being a lucky chump – Dave retaliates that she has won a pot from the worst hand - a quick but severe tongue lashing from Shaz is enough to see Dave back down.

Then there were three - its 12.20 - looking good.

IJ goes all in with A 2 off suite - Lee calls with J 8 suited IJ hits the nut flush on the river – we are heads up - its 12.40!

12.41 and we are done – IJ – 9 –3 DG Q 2 - flop has a 9 and a 2 and Dave has a flush draw he does not hit. IJ punches the air puts himself in the Lotus flower position and rejoices!

Conversation topics

No time for talking as the shuffling was so intense.

Quotes of the week

Barry: “you can’t get Scotty off a potty”

Dean commenting on how to avoid Dan crowing over the shuffling idea: “Just don’t let him play again”

Dean: “Has my DVD come yet?”
Barry: “What, Breakback Mountain?”

Jude to Scott: “I hear your kn0b is small”
Scott: (no response and just went red)

Top tip

Following last week’s situation where I had to wake Yael up at 3am having forgotten my keys, Lee provided a useful top tip.

Simply phone 20 mins before you’re due home and ask the missus to leave the keys outside. That way you don’t end up having the face them and if you’re very lucky they might not remember in the morning.

Family Fortunes

We asked 100 people who came up with the innovative shuffling idea employed in last night’s game.

The answer was:

David Golding (100%)

Refuah Shlaimah

To Dan who has been suffering all week. Amazing how taxing paragraph and sentence formatting can be. I hope you’ve taken lots of parasentemol.

Congratulations

Congrats on my work highlight of the year beating an annoyingly fit squash player at work that I’d lost to on all previous occasions. It makes it all worthwhile. The lengthy warm-up clearly paid off. I must be due a good bonus.

World Cup stories

From JJ: http://today.reuters.co.uk/news/newsarticle.aspx?type=oddlyEnoughNews&storyid=2006-06-21T053558Z_01_PEK13377_RTRIDST_0_OUKOE-UK-SOCCER-WORLD-CHINA.XML&src=rss

From Ilan: http://www.koreaherald.co.kr/SITE/data/html_dir/2006/06/20/200606200048.asp

13 June (S&L's house) £0 profit – “Barry launches safe-deposit box service”

Game 1 (1st Ilan, 2nd JJ, 10 players)

Out of 10 players only 5 were there when the game kicked off about 9pm. That said, credit to the ladies (Sharon, Jude and Scott) for coming straight from book club. This week’s book ‘confessions of a bad mother’ was a good choice as Sharon and Jude rushed off early to get their poker fix.

In an early contender for hand of the night Scott held QQ and hit four of a kind.

Short-stacked I doubled up against Scott (optimistic flush draw) after hitting QQQ on the flop. I then exacted a small amount of revenge on Barry by going all-in with top two pairs on the flop (77 66). Barry called and was knocked out with K7.

Ilan (KK) won lots of chips from Dan (straight) with KKKJJ.

Lee doubled up (I have this phrase in my cut and paste as it happens so many times) versus Dean hitting AA KK. Scott then KO’d Dean who announced he felt like a rabid dog being put down.

I knocked out Sharon with AAA66 on the flop versus trip Aces. Jude knocked out Dave with 10 10.

Lee doubled up (there it is again) against Jude with AA QQ before Ilan (straight) KO’d slow-playing Scott (QQ).

Dan doubled up against Jude before falling to Lee.

Lee’s luck finally ran out in bizarre circumstances when hitting the flush on the river also gave Ilan a full house (AAA 55) and the end also saw the end for Jude.

Heads-up versus Ilan I pulled back to nearly level until going all-in on the flop with top pair. Ilan had hit a flush on the flop and it was all over. Dean – you owe Ilan £10.

Game 2 (1st Barry, 2nd Dan, 7 players plus a couple of moths)

Barry lost chips early on to Ilan (nut straight).

Dave doubled up against me and came from behind to hit JJ. I then went all-in when it was checked all the way down. Both Dan (flush) and Ilan (pair on the river) called to knock me out.

Scott got lucky with a flush on the river versus Dave’s two pairs to double up and then built a big lead (we all know what happened next) with AA versus Dan’s AK. The next hand saw lucky Lee also get AA. Scott’s decline began losing with 66 to Dan and with A5 to Lee’s QQ.

Ludicrously lucky Lee then got AA again versus Scott’s KK to double up.

Barry KO’d Dave with top pair (KK) before Lee doubled up yet again with not 2, not 3 but 4 Aces (I’m thinking of having your sleeves checked for Aces). Sitting out the next hand, Lee would have hit 3333.

At this point 2.10am I realised I’d left my keys at home and would have to wake Yael up. I sobered up.

Lee was finally KO’d by Dan (JJJ).

Heads-up Barry was short-stacked but pulled back before hitting runner runner to make a straight following an all-in bluff.

Conversation topic

Barry was made to relive the WT fiasco and creative suggestions were offered from around the table.

Quotes of the week

JJ: when questioned on why the WTs needed to be photographed “People like to see that you’ve got them”. Scott: “well you don’t.

“The fact that Arsene Wenger took everybody to the Champions League final apart from Walcott says a lot. He even took the tea-lady." (Ossie Ardiles on the selection of Theo Walcott)

Barry: after piling his chips up high announced “just replicating my kn0b”.
Dave: “is it made of chips?”
Barry: “no, it’s black”.

Ilan: “Don’t say if you know, but how many WC squads have all their players playing in the domestic league”
Dave: “I know one, but I can't remember the name of the other one”
Everyone: “So, it’s two then”.
The answer is Saudi Arabia and surprisingly Italy (clearly the Italians are not good travellers).

Musical interlude (provided by Ilan and Jude)

Ilan: “It’s getting hot in here”.
Jude: “So don’t take off all your clothes”.

Family Fortunes

We asked 100 people what they’d trust Barry with. The top answer was:

1. A paperclip (100%)

This week’s paranoia

Scott was convinced that Dean had hidden his keys before finding them on the table. Great hiding place.

Refuah Shlaimah

To the poker table which has developed some worrying lumps. A visit to the well-table clinic has been booked for next week.

8 June (S&L's house) £60 profit – “Oooh, what lovely paragraphs”

Game 1 (1st JJ, 2nd Lee, 10 players)

The table was evenly split with spectacled players on one side and the freaks on the other. The game started minus our hard-working Accenture friends. Dan arrived last – one paragraph proving a little too difficult to test. I can see where all the hours go.

Early on I gained some chips with AA versus Lee.

Dean threw 77 only to see 77 come on the flop. D’oh. Dean’s poker face was something to behold.

Dan got lucky with AK versus Sharon’s AA (and a royal flush draw). 10 on the river gave Dan a straight. Sharon was not impressed.

Ilan hit trip Qs on the river against Charlie’s two pairs (KK 22) to win lots of chips.

Jude then fell with AK versus my 99.

Barry (99) was similarly unimpressed with Dean (33) when Dean hit runner runner for a straight.

Dave (10 10) was KO’d by Lee’s QQ which tripped up.

My early lead took a massive dent when I went all in with JJ only for Barry to have KK and double up.

Ilan was then unlucky to fall with AK versus my AQ. Lee knocked Dean out with AK versus AQ.

In the key hand of the game, Bluffer Barry went all-in with Q4 (are you sure your vision is 20:20?) and Lee called with JJ and I went all-in with AA to take down a monster pot (ending up with AAA 10 10).

Dan then exited leaving Lee and I heads-up. I hit two pair (AA 33) and Lee’s flush and straight draw didn’t come off making it a happy return from my mid-season break.

Game 2 (1st Basra Barry, 2nd Lee, 8 players)

Barry gained an early lead hitting a straight versus Dave’s two pairs. I sensibly folded a lower two pairs. Barry then won 4 pots out of 5 gaining a large early lead.

Dave was first out followed quickly by Dan who fell to Barry’s AAA KK. Barry got revenge on Dean for the first game with both players hitting straights on the flop, only for 4 diamonds to provide a remarkable flush. Put that one in your calculator Vic!

Ilan doubled up against me and then repeated the trick shortly after. Lee then doubled up with AA versus Barry’s AK.

In the lay-down of the night, Charlie let AA go with 4 clubs on the board. Barry had the 8.

My luck seemed to have turned when having hit a pair of Ks on the flop versus Ilan’s AJ, he then hit three runners in a row to make a miracle straight. The dirty bastard. Lee was feeling confident when he saw I had Q6 (spades) versus QQ only for 3 more spades to double me up. Lee then doubled up against Barry with two pairs. Charlie (A3 spades) then doubled up against Ilan (QQ) with a lucky flush. Lee then doubled up against Charlie with a straight on the flop and finished him off with 99 versus Charie’s A 10. It wasn’t looking good for Lucky Lee when a 10 came on the flop. A 9 on the turn though saw Lee through to a heads-up against nemesis Barry.

Barry had the monster of all leads (the biggest I think we’ve ever seen) but Lee hunted him down with his weapons of mass destruction. Lee started his comeback with four 9s on the board winning with an A kicker and built a big lead to Basra’s obvious distress. The turning point was when Barry freed his ass from the rogering Lee was giving him with KK versus Lee’s A8 to double up. The game was all over shortly after making it two wins for Borehamwood and celebratory burgers next week.

Conversation topics

The reason for Dean’s late working hours was finally revealed as it turns out that Accenture promotions are announced at 10.50pm on a random night each year and if you’re not around then you have to wait for the following year.

Charlie’s geek status was threatened – first he provided out of date information on HDTV, then he managed to dislodge the TV’s scart cable before failing in his ‘fix Lee’s PC’ challenge. Dean then feigned interest in Charlie’s career – when all he was interested in was to pitch for some work.

The most interesting topic of discussion was to how to watch Shabbat World Cup games without compromising your principles. Barry’s Shabbat Shmodesh idea was the clear winner. Shabbat Shmodesh occurs every 4 years in the summer and allows one to watch TV (football games only, no children’s crap) in peace.

Quote of the week

Shell-shocked at being outed by Dean, Dan could not perform any Danisms, so Charlie and Basra Barry stepped up to the plate.

Charlie: “Flushes have to come on the river”.

Barry: “we used to call each other Basra Barry and Kandahar Kandice – an Iranian theme”. Clearly you must have dropped geography before GCSEs - or O Levels in your time.

This week’s definition

Burgering – verb, to spit roast a dwarf.

This week’s trivia

Dave raised the debate of whether a person whose hands were chopped off and reattached on the opposite hand would remain right/left-handed.

Evil babysitters

I recounted the tale of our evil babysitter in Israel who spent $14 on phone calls from our hotel room and ate half a massive bar of Dairy Milk (a present for Yael’s Grandma) and half the kid’s pick-and-mix sweets. Yael got her own back by telling her mum and an apology with sweets and cash was received. Jude topped this by recounting that once in Tel Aviv they returned to find their hotel babysitter fast asleep in their bed. .

Evil Ibuprofen

CC (Conspiracy Charlie) revealed that Ibuprofen can give you have a heart attack, while someone else pointed out that when you jump out of a plane your heart rate is higher than it would be in a heart attack. A comforting thought for the table’s unlikely sky divers (Dean and Ilan) – make sure you hold hands and whatever you do don’t take any Ibuprofen beforehand.

Evil baby

A baby weighing 6lbs 6oz was born on 06/06/06 and was named Damian. See http://www.sky.com/skynews/article/0,,91059-1223965,00.html

This week’s news (contributed by Ilan)

Ilan told the tragic story of parents of a car crash victim in the US who started a blog to pray for their badly injured daughter. The only problem was it wasn’t their daughter, but hey, you win some you lose some. See http://news.bbc.co.uk/1/hi/world/americas/5037536.stm

Ilan then told everyone about the guy who bet his girlfriend a threesome if he could produce a website and get a million hits. See http://www.helpwinthisbet.com/404/

Ilan's final story related to the guy who sold a dodgy computer on ebay but then probably regretted he hadn't. See http://www.amirtofangsazan.blogspot.com/

31 May (S&L's House) - "Pussy Play á la Dan"

guest writers: Barry, Ilan


First Game (1st Dan, 2nd Dean)

Dean had promised Jude (again !) that he would be sat at the poker table by 9.00pm. Jude commented that she totally believed him and would put money on him being there on time. When he phoned Jude at 8.55 to tell her he was just leaving the office, Dean must have sensed her anger, as 20 minutes later he turns up, after hailing a cab to get to Poker in extra quick time.

In the first big hand of the night, Dan outkickered Barry Q10 Vs Q4 with Queen on Flop, Ilan and Dave stayed in the hand for a while with a flush and straight draw respectively.

Barry's AK bt Sharon's straight draw when an A came on the turn.

The Young's had a battle in one hand when Lee got out very cheap by folding pocket 7's - This time Sharon had hit a straight on the turn.

The biggest hand of the game [Flop: KK9 (2 spades) ] saw 3 all in's - Jude (10 10) Dave (Kh 8h) Barry (AsQs) - Barry needed one more spade, which didn't come, and so Dave knocked both Barry and Jude out.

Ilan then got knocked out - all in with A9, Sharon calls with KK, Dean calls with AJ. 9 on the flop, followed by and Ace, but on the river Dean hit a Jack (dirty bastard!)

Dave (straight draw) then raised it large in a big hand with Dean (pair of Queens) - Dean had a feeling Dave was talking shit, so called. Good call. Straight never arrived. Dave out.

Dan then had a go at Deans huge chip lead. Dan (AQ) raises, Dean calls (K9). K on flop, Dan all
in, Dean calls. Q on turn and A on river. Dan Doubles up.

Dean then gets a K high flush (2nd nuts) - goes over the top all in over Lee. Lee lays down straight and flush (not nuts) - excellent lay down again by Lee.

Heads up - Dan and Dean. Dean has 55, dan 9 10. Both all in. first card out = 5. Dean hits trips. but next 3 cards are J Q, and finally an 8 to give Dan a very lucky straight vs Dean's trip 5's


Game 2, (1st Lee, 2nd Barry) - 5 players

main details coming soon (probably never) from IJ.

down to 3 - Dean, Lee, Barry.

Dean KJ all in, Barry AK. A on flop. Dean out.

Heads up: (Barry goes in huge chip leader)

Hand 1: Lee all in with 8s9d. Barry calls with Ks9s. K on flop, but 4 diamonds come out, Lee gets lucky lucky lucky lucky lucky flush.
Hand 2: Lee Kd7d Barry 8d4d. both get flush, both all in. Lee has higher flush and snatches victory. Lucky Bastard !

Conversation Topics
Not much this week actually. The question: "Is there any thing as bad publicity ?" was discussed briefly, as was a tiny bit about big brother. Barry watched 3 episodes of 24 on his laptop whilst waiting for game 2.

Mazeltov...
..to Dave on his absolute beauty of a new car - black shiny BMW Z4. lovely !

AND A NEW RECORD :
2nd game started at 12.25am. A new record. Only because Dean, Lee and Dan in first game spent 90 mins trying to get to heads up.

JJ still on holiday. no £5 specials for a while.........