24 September 2008 (The Poker Suite) "The dream is still alive for Baz"

Game 1 – 8 players - (1st Charlie, 2nd Dan, 3rd Sharon)

As our players settled down for the evening's first game of poker at 20:43, Barry told us of what we hoped would be a prophetic dream, in which he was knocked out in a bad beat by Dan. The remaining players found themselves in the unusual position of hoping Barry's dreams came true, which would be a double nightmare for Baz: a bad beat and the potential loss of the top spot, which he has kept dominated since who knows when.
In the first major hand of the night, 7 8 10 10 J with 4 spades on the table, IJ raised £3 and was swiftly re-raised £5 by Jude. Dan then re-raised all in, which sent IJ scurrying. Jude thought about it but ultimately couldn't lay her nut flush down. The bad news for Jude was that Dan was holding a dreamy straight flush, and doubled up.
The surreal atmosphere continued producing four weird hands in a row:
Baz got KK then QQ.
Jude was then dealt AA, and Dan followed with his own AA.
All of them raised before the flop, and everyone else folded meaning they only won the blinds. How very strange...
Jude was the first casualty of the evening. Holding K9, she went all in when a K came on the flop. Charlie called with a spade flush draw, which hit to knock Jude out (8th).
Barry went all in with QK, which his nighttime nemesis Dan called with AQ. The dream came true for all (except Baz) when Dan's hand held up, knocking Baz out (7th). Baz insisted that this was not the hand from his dream, and retreated to the lounge to contemplate his potential drop to 3rd in the table, should Lee & Dan both share the evening's top spots.
Showing he was not messing around before bedtime, Charlie made a series of aggressive pre-flop raises and within a few hands became a massive chip leader, without seeing a flop.
Lee went all in, with 7 8 10 on the flop. Both JJ and Shaz called. With the turn bringing a 9, Shaz went all in and shook off JJ. She had hit a straight, knocking Lee out (6th), spoiling the opportunity of pushing Barry into 3rd.
JJ went all in, raising a fierce £1.25. Both Sharon and Dan called, but once again Sharon asserted herself, re-raising to scare Dan off and kick out JJ, who was holding 6 7, (5th).
JJ cursed his crummy luck, but given his position as a revered past league winner, perhaps he has had all his luck for the time being and is destined to be an also ran for the next 10 years?
Charlie then knocked IJ out (4th). IJ had gone all in with Q8 which Charlie had called with deuces, which hit a 2 to make trips.
In a decisive hand, Shaz, holding A8, raised £16 after the flop had brought 22A. Dan, who in his own wet dream, was holding 2 7, called. The turn brought a 4 and in her usual aggressive manner, Sharon raised another £16. Dan went all in and when the river brought a Q his trip 2s doubled him up very nicely, and sent Sharon to bed (3rd).
Charlie went into heads up ahead, and set about the business of slowly giving his chips to Dan, who managed to claw his way into a good position. All players (except Barry) were backing Dan, as only a win from him would stand a chance of waking Barry & jolting him off the top spot. But it was not to be a dreamlike finish for Dan or our table. In the only memorable hand, Charlie raised 2 piles of chips, with JQ spades. Dan re-raised all in with A9 and chancer Charlie called. The flop brought KJ6, the turn a Q giving Chas 2 pair. The river finished the job, bringing an extra J to give Charlie a full house and victory at 22:50.
Well done Charlie!

Game 2 – 6 players - (1st Baz, 2nd Dan, 3rd JJ)

The second game started at 23:00 with the countdown to midnight causing great trepidation among the players, as that was the hour that Barry's dream losing hand took place. We were conveniently overlooking the fact that the chimerical poker game took place at the Jaysons, focusing instead on the knowledge that it had seemed so real to Barry that he had woken up fucked off about the bad beat.
As Lee commented: Barry's obviously on a bad run if he can't even win in his dreams. The stats seemed to bear this out: Barry had not won since July 23rd and that was his only win since 18th June. Could it be all over for Barry???
In one of the most momentous hands of the night, producing arguably the best hand our game has ever seen, IJ hit a straight flush, 9 to K hearts. JJ raised healthily after the flop, the presence of a Q of hearts on the board and KJ hearts in his hand gave IJ an outside sniff at the Royal Flush pot and led him to call the raise, despite holding fuck all.
A 9 hearts on the turn, dashed IJ's hopes of the £300 jackpot but the 10 hearts on the river was a superb consolation prize. Unsure of what raise to put in to capture JJ's curiosity without frightening him off, IJ raised £10.50, hoping the obscure figure would entice the J. Barry laughed, saying "You've got KJ hearts!" IJ looked at his cards & smiled nervously.
Eventually JJ called declaring "I'm bi-curious" a particularly costly proclivity on this occasion.

In no way influenced by this defeat and not on tilt at all, J went all in with 8 10 clubs. Charlie called and Dan went all with Js, which Charlie also called with AQ diamonds. Miles behind his opponent, JJ managed to hit trips on the flop, winning the pot to triple up. He denied it was a reckless move, as he had a feeling. But how can you have a feeling that you are going to hit trip 10s??? Providing some consolation for Dan, his Js beat Charlie, who exited (6th).
At 12:02 the moment everyone had been waiting for arrived. 3 3 9 was on the table, a very similar hand at a very similar time to the dream, but Barry got scared and folded, not trusting his skillful play to defy his dream. This was very irritating for IJ, who had hit trip 3s.
A few hands later a top of the table clash developed. Dan re-raised Baz all in, which Baz considered for a long while, before folding, declaring that it was either the greatest ever lay down or a total fuck up that could cost him the title.
He fumed for a while, but then took his chances with A5, going all in. JJ called with A3, an unusually good hand for reckless J. Despite everyone hoping for a JJ win, they both hit 2 pair, giving Baz the double up he needed.
The game progressed slowly, with the top of the table at stake and the top placed 5 players all still in, no one was in a hurry to go to dreamland, despite the late hour.
"Fuck me!" Dan cried out as the tension mounted in the suite.
"You won't get any takers round here Dan. Not even JJ is that bi-curious" Barry disappointed him.
IJ cracked first, re-raising JJ all in with 7s. JJ called with A10 and hit a 10 knocking IJ out (5th).
Lee followed out (4th) in the next hand or so but the details are hazy.
Barry continues the saga:

At this point me and dan were equally short stacked with JJ a huge monster.
We were just waiting for the other to get beat by JJ so we could get 2nd !
But in 2 hands I won the blinds (max) and then next hand went all in vs JJ with a A5 which he called with A3 (an A and a 5 and 3 hit) and I was now huge chip leader.
A few hands later I took JJ out in 3rd with low K vs low Q.
Heads up with Dan didn’t last long and at 1.05am Dan went all in with K10, which I called with A10 - a King hit on the flop but an ace on the turn gave me first win since July 23rd !!!
Sweet.

So well done Baz - you took an enormous amount of flack last week & your position as our table leader faced it's first serious threat in a long time, but you didn't crumble. Fantastic result!

2008 Poker Rankings Table:

So Barry is still our table leader, stretching his 5 point lead into a 9 point one. He can still be caught, but it is looking like he might have at least a week's grace.

Dan has taken back 3rd place from Lee, but since the 2 of them have been sharing the 2nd & 3rd spot for as long as anyone can remember, there is nothing to see there folks.

Only other movement is Charlie, who's 1st game win propels him ahead of Scott & Jude, and 2 points away from Dean.

Conversation topics of the week:

Charlie's iphone enjoyed a very short spell as our guest ipod, but after we waited patiently for a single tune we recognised and could hum along too, it was binned & Lee's returned to its rightful place.
Dan informed us of how he lifted 4000 songs from his mate at work's ipod, and only gave him the Pogues in return. Sounds like a fair swap...
Other chat centred on the prospect of Baz losing the top spot. While ultimately pointless, we did enjoy pondering over the possibility of whether Barry was destined to only be a Best Supporting Actor rather than a Best Actor type of poker player? or perhaps he is more of a pace setter? Goes out ahead to set the pace of the tournament but ducks out towards the end....
In the interests of balance, I should say that Barry pointed out that I have never been anywhere near the top of the table all year....

Congratulations of the week:

To Lee on the occasion of both his birthday & his appointment as Head of Legal, meaning he no longer has to act. Fantastic news, but don't think that means you can continue to play with your BlackBerry & get away with it... Thanks also to Lee for informing us of the greatest job title going:
Total Head of Lubricant

News & Jokes of the week:

Thanks to JJ for this random offering:

http://uk.news.yahoo.com/afp/20080923/tod-australia-pig-offbeat-37b0eca.html

that's all folks!

ij

17 September 2008 (The Jayson's) "“Name that tune. You know, the one that goes ‘da da da da da da da da’? "

Game 1 – 9 players - (1st Lee, 2nd JJ, 3rd Dan)

With Barry distracted for the entire evening trying to work out where the ‘da da da’ tune comes from (Google, top 100 classics, 118 118, Mr Isaacson Snr all researched) it would prove to be a perfect opportunity for the chasing pack to gain yet more ground on the fat one.

Game started at 8.40 and with IJ away Dan picked up a pen and paper and assumed the blogger’s position. How hard can it be right? Wrong! It’s a sodding pain in the arse.
On with the game. 1st hand was Sharon’s who gladly took the bonus chips. It was then that Dean turned up (though not playing). Not only was he unwilling to deal for us but he also refused to make a cup of tea for his guests (well Dan anyway). He wondered round the kitchen/diner area for a little while and presumably disappeared to do something more interesting. We didn’t see him again.
Charlie developed a £5 raise fetish, first with 3Qs on the board versus Sharon who looked like she was giving it all the ‘Hollywood’ but fooling us all when she disappointedly laid down. Charlie got rewarded soon after when his £5 raise was, this time, called by Sharon. Sadly for her the AQ she was holding didn’t improve and Charlie’s’ JJ held firm.
Lee was last to arrive at about 9.10pm and immediately left his mark winning two biggish hands against Dave and Dan. But the biggest impression he made was probably to Bea who had to endure watching him eat Shwarma and rice in front of her for 10 minutes - Bea’s tail wagging away and making several unsuccessful attempt to leap up and grab a tasty morsel. Dave eventually put her out of her misery with some doggy snacks (and a clout round the head for one too many leaps). Lee rewarded Bea by letting her lick the grease off his hands. How selfless.
Jude was out first when short-stacked her all-in wasn’t enough to scare off Dan (holding Q10 in the big blind). Jude was ahead with A8 until a Q on the flop gave Dan a pair and consigned Jude to spend her evening with Dean. It could be worse Jude, the rest of us had to spend our evening with Barry and flatulent Charlie. Jude out 9th.
Sharon quadrupled up from short stack (£1.75) to give her a few more minutes of torture.
Vic proved (not for the last time that night) that Big Slick is called Big Slick for a reason. He re-raised all-in after a shit flop but ran into Charlie’s’ tripped up 88. Top tip for Vic: if someone raises big after a flop and all you’ve got is AK, you’re probably losing. Vic out 8th.
Dave followed Vic fairly quickly. His all-in was called by Charlie with pocket pair and J with AQ. The AQ hit and beat Dave’s AJ. Charlie laid his pair down before the river. Dave out 7th.
Dave promptly gathered Bea and her feces and departed for an early night. Sharon ran out of chips moments later and was forced to call Dan’s raise from big blind. That put Sharon all-in with only a suited J7 in her hand. It was no match for Dan’s cowboys. Sharon out 6th.
All sorts of confusion surrounded the next big hand as Dan realized he hadn’t written any notes since Vic was knocked out. Meanwhile Baz, J and Lee were involved in a monster with chips flying around all over the place. After some deciphering and help from Vic of all people it became apparent that following a 224 on the flop J raised £6.50 which Lee called. Baz then went all-in (a further £19.25). J called but Lee then went all-in over the top. JJ thought about it for a while but then rightly decided he was behind and possibly drawing very thin indeed and so made a very expensive lay down. Baz showed J2 but Lee showed a magical 24. The turn and river didn’t help Baz who lost despite having trips. Baz out 5th.
Charlie was next to depart when his flush draw didn’t hit. Lee’s did, and gave him the nuts. Charlie out 4th.
With the blinds now at the max and Dan grateful for the point having not had many notable hands he went all-in with 910 after a JQ2 came on the flop. J called with Q10 which held up. Dan out 3rd.
Heads up started at 10.50pm with a fair distribution between Lee and J. It was a long winded affair with the chip stacks swinging one way then the other. The first big hand saw lee’s AQ vs JJs K10 which hit an Ace. The final hand saw Lee’s K6 defeat J’s K2 with a K on the flop. J was all-in after the turn. But with the board pairing J declared ‘Higher than a 5’ – thinking the pot would be split. He got what he wanted but what he wanted was not what he needed. The river was a 6 which gave Lee two pair. Game over at 11.40pm.

Game 2 – 6 players - (1st JJ, 2nd Lee, 3rd Dan)

The second game started somewhat later than hoped given that we were heads up at 10.50. It burst into life though in only the second hand when some raises and re-raises between J and Baz culminated in a £19.25 raise from J (in your face Baz). With QJ2Q4 on the board Barry though for a moment and then called showing AQ (trips). J shows JJ (full house) and Baz is very short stacked.
Dan then took a fair few chips off Vic who showed two pair. “Take your pick. Straight or Flush” was Dan’s response. The straight came on the turn and flush on the river.
Baz for the second time in the night hit trip 2s on the flop but went out to Vic who hit the nut flush on the turn. Baz’s third losing set of the night – what comes around goes around Bazza. Baz out 6th.
Charlie went all-in with KQ spades against J’s 33 which tripped up. Charlie out 5th.
J was very large chip leader but he frittered most of it away in two hands. The first to Dan who raised pre-flop with the ladies. JJ called and then went all-in after the flop (which was all low) holding 6s. Dan called and the Qs held up.
Then in almost the next hand J raised £7.50 which was called by Lee and Dan with JQ9 (all spades) on the board. The turn brought a red 4 which was checked round. The river brought a red 2 which induced J to raise £12 holding a Q. Dan called with a Q and a 9 and Lee folded. J becomes the short stack.
In the next act of charity (this time Dan and Vic to Lee). Lee went all-in after the turn which Vic called despite only having another £5 in chips left. Dan, convinced that Lee had probably hit trips, decided that the chance of knocking out two people was too much of an opportunity to miss and called with QK (top pair Qs). Indeed Lee had hit trips (a set of 4s) on the flop and had slow played his way to being tripled up. Nice hand.
In the next hand J went all-in after the flop. Dan possibly reeling from his poor judgment in the previous hand called with second pair of 10s but lost to J’s top pair of Aces.
Vic still in despite having fewer chips than the big blind went blindly all-in in the next hand which J called. Vic showed 93 but was in bad shape when J revealed A9. Vic out 4th.
So here we were again. Lee, J and Dan battling it out for the points. It was far quicker than the first game. Dan was out 3rd when he re-raised Js 2 pile of red with A9 diamonds. J’s AQ was better going in and more so after the Q came on the flop.
Heads-up lasted about 10 minutes until Lee threw caution to the wind going all-in with 10 3. J called with K10 which improved to a pair of kings. All over by about 1.30am.
Well done Lee and J who shared the spoils (less a tenner anyway). There was some debate about how Lee and JJ could both walk away with £70 each despite Lee having won a 9 player game and JJ only a 6 player game but thems are the rules.

2008 Poker Rankings Table:


The net result on the night is that it looks like Lee has jumped back into 2nd spot with the gap closed to 5 points behind Baz. Dan is 2 points further adrift with JJ now only 10 points off 3rd place.
Squeaky bum time Mr Isaacson!














Conversation topics of the week:

With Lehman Brothers going bust, AIG falling into the hands of the US government and HBoS being sold to LTSB this week there was surprisingly no discussion about the state of the economy or job security.
Instead we were all perplexed by the ‘Da da da da’ question. What was the name of that damned classical piece and who wrote it? It took until almost 11.30 before Barry found the answer – it’s Vivaldi’s Four Seasons (Spring) which Vic had guessed initially by the way. If only we’d listened to the full 40 minutes on the iphone we’d have been spared hours of torment. But no, Barry and Charlie decided based on the first few bars of the track that it couldn’t be. Wankers!


Jokes of the week:

Some pre Yom Tovim humour supplied by Dave:

During the last holiday season, many individuals expressed concern over the seating arrangements in the synagogue. In order for us to place you in a seat which will best suit you, we ask you to complete the following questionnaire and return it to the synagogue office as soon as possible.
1. I would prefer to sit in the ... (Check one)
______Talking section
______No talking section

2. If talking, which category do you prefer? (indicate order of interest)
_____Stock market
_____Sports
_____Medicine
_____Congregate's secret medical tragedies
_____General gossip
_____Specific gossip (choose)
_____ The Rabbi
_____ The cantor
_____ The cantor's voice
_____ The cantor's wife
_____ The rabbi's wife
_____ The cantor's wife's voice
_____ The rabbi's "secretary"
_____ Fashion news
_____ What others are wearing
_____ Why they look awful
_____ Your neighbors
_____ Your neighbor's relatives
_____ President Bush
_____ Sex (Preference:______)
_____ Who's cheating on/having an affair with whom
_____ Other: ___________________________________

3. Which of the following would you like to be near for free professional advice?
_____ Doctor
_____ Dentist
_____ Nutritionist
_____ Psychiatrist
_____ Child psychiatrist
_____ Mother in law
_____ Podiatrist
_____ Chiropractor
_____ Stockbroker
_____ Accountant
_____ Lawyer _____ Criminal _____ Civil
_____ Real estate agent
_____ Architect
_____ Plumber
_____ Buyer (Specify store:_____________)
_____ Sexologist
_____ Golf pro (tentative: we're still trying to find a Jewish one)
_____ Other:_____________________________

4. I want to be seated (Indicate order of priority)
_____ On the aisle
_____ Near the exit
_____ Near the window
_____ In Aruba
_____ Near the bathroom
_____ Near my in-laws
_____ As far away from my in-laws as possible
_____ As far away from my ex in-laws as possible
_____ Near the pulpit
_____ Near the Kiddush table
_____ Near single men
_____ Near available women
_____ Near anyone who's available - I'm bisexual or just not particular
_____ Where no one on the bimah can see/hear me talking during services
_____ Where no one will notice me sleeping during services
_____ Where I can sleep during the rabbi's sermon (Additional Charge)

5. Orthodox only - I would like a seat where:
_____ I can see my spouse over the mechitza
_____ I cannot see my spouse over the mechitza
_____ I can see my friend's spouse over the mechitza
_____ My spouse cannot see me looking at my friend's spouse over the mechitza

6. Please do not place me anywhere near the following people:
(limit of 6: if you require more space, you may wish to consider joining another congregation)

Your name: ______________________

Building fund pledge: _______________________

-------------------------------------------------------------------
Thanks also to Dave for sharing this site:

Click on: World Clock

Finally, some pictures representing the world post financial crisis:

the New LLoyds logo....

New $ bills:

that's all for this week folks - & a tremendous thanks to Dan for stepping up to the plate & supplying a high quality blog in a very timely fashion.

ilan

10 September 2008 (The Youngs') "Old Scott returns, but only after New Scott claims 2nd win"

Game 1 – 10 players - (1st Scott, 2nd Mark, 3rd Dave)

Jude was dealt a gorgeous pair of Aces in the first hand of the first game, which kicked off at 20:50. Play was painfully slow for the first hour or saw, bringing sarcastic remonstrations from Sharon. It may have had something to do with the England Croatia match that was distracting the players. Shaz found herself wishing her household was one of the 28 million where the game was unavailable, due to a lack of Setanta.
Mark arrived and immediately got himself into trouble for not bringing any photos of Lani. He silenced the critics with his poker, virtually wiping Lee out in a major hand. With Q6KA8 on the board, Lee went all in after some monster raises had failed to scare off the new Dad. Lee turned over trip Aces, but Mark had hit the nut flush on the river. Pocket Aces proved costly once gain.
Sharon, who was exhausted before play had even started, spilt her tea on the table. Thankfully we were not in the poker suite, although Dave helpfully pointed out that her tea would never have come so near to the poker table, had we been in the suite.
Lee refused to die, going all in with AK against Jude's KQ. Doubling up brought him back to a respectable level of chips, proving one of the few enduring rules of our poker game: Never write off the comeback king. If Lee has a chip, he has a chance.
In a further heroic act of survival, Lee raised £2.50 and then called JJ's £5 re-raise. After the flop Lee went all in with AJ, needing runner runner for a flush. JJ thought he was safe with AK, but the board saved Lee, splitting the pot much to JJ's consternation.
In a heated dispute, both Jude & Barry claimed to have put the blinds in correctly, and yet there was 50p missing from the pot. Despite no one believing him, Barry was adamant that he had put his 50p in. Displaying world class diplomatic skills, Jude proposed a compromise, suggesting they chuck in 25p each. Barry begrudgingly accepted the deal and allowed the game to continue, much to the relief of Sharon, who was falling asleep at the table. A warm glow engulfed our players. After all, if such momentous issues can be overcome without further ill feeling, perhaps there's hope for some of the more intractable conflicts around the globe. Jude smiled and declared:
"I believe in peace"
"I want my 25p back" was Barry's reply.
JJ was fast becoming a nervous wreck, jumping out of his seat on a number of occasions, in response to Bea's advances. Lee, who was sitting next to JJ, continued to play with Bea, encouraging her excitable scampering, which J found so unnerving. Sharon pleaded for the game to continue, blaming the England game for slowing everything down. But was it Bea's antics or Walcott's hat-trick that was delaying play?
Lee & JJ went at each other again. With A4Q on the table, Lee went all in, called by JJ, who had raised pre-flop. JJ cursed his Ks, which were firmly behind Lee's AJ (pair of Aces). Lee was very much back in the game, while his brother in law's chip stack was devastated. Sharon found the strength from somewhere to knock JJ out (10th).
Meanwhile, post truce skirmishes broke out between Jude and Barry, who refused to accept that it could have been his blind that was 50p short.
K61010 on the table brought an all in from Lee, who was holding AK. Scott didn't use his psychic abilities on this hand, calling with KJ. Only one of 3 remaining Js in the pack could help Scott and in an outrageously lucky escape, the jammy bastard hit one on the river. Lee went out (9th) grumbling that this kind of bad beat always happens to him.
Scott then kicked IJ out (8th), who had gone all in with 8s. Scott had called with AJ and hit a J on the first card. IJ's question "Should Scott be allowed to play anymore?" met with general murmured agreement.
Going above & beyond the requirements of peace, former protagonists Jude & Baz were heard laughing and giggling together. Jude denied she was flirting and a smiling Baz agreed, claiming she had merely been giving him a hand job under the table.
Mark spoiled Barry's fun, going all in with 8s, which Jude called with A5. Baz didn't try to hide his disappointment as Jude went out (7th).
A pre-deal ejaculation of cards from dealer Dan, brought much mirth from around the table, with leery references to Dan's pre-cum. The smuttier tone of the second game had arrived early, despite the presence of ladies, although Sharon was the only one left and she was half asleep.
569 on the flop, brought an all in from Dave, with 34, straight draw. Shaz called with AQ. Missing his straight, Dave nevertheless got lucky, hitting a 3 on the river, to send a weary Sharon to bed (6th).
Dan's KJ went up against Mark's AK, which held up. Dan went out (5th) admitting his all in was a little reckless, but then trying to justify the move by arguing about how it was all in or fold. He failed to convince any of the players, since a raise of a pile of reds or so would have told him he was well behind.
Mark, with a monster chip stack (but no photo of his new born) took on Barry's Q7, with J2. He hit 2 pair to knock a satisfied Barry out (4th) and create more space for his chip battalions, which were now 2 piles deep.
4Q3 on the flop brought at all in from Dave, with 25 and another straight draw. Mark was already ahead with Q10 and ended up hitting 2 pair, denying Dave a 2nd lucky escape. Dave out (3rd).
Heads up began at 23:11, with Scott a mere chip minnow against Mark, the chip blue whale. Fresh from his win last week, Scott showed impressive resilience, as well as a healthy dose of luck. He went all in with Q9, only to find himself a big underdog to Mark's AQ. Mark should have had it sewn up, but Scott hit 2 pair to make a super jammy escape.
The chip lead changed in another great hand for Scott. He went all in with QJ, after hitting 2 pair. Mark, holding KQ, had hit top pair on the river, encouraging him to call, to double Scott up.
At 23:30, Scott completed an impressive turnaround with another golden piece of luck. He went all in with A9, once again a big underdog to Mark's AJ. With only 3 cards to hit, Scott hit a 9 and claimed victory, leaving Mark to wonder what had happened.
Well done Scott on your 2nd win in a row!

Game 2 – 8 players - (1st Dan, 2nd Mark, 3rd IJ)

Mark celebrated the start of the 2nd game at 23:40 with a return to his farting form. He assured us that Lani has inherited his impressive farting skills (and let's hope her mother's looks).
With a rare 3 aces on the flop, Barry made a knee jerk raise, unable to resist the lure of a pot made for a bluffer. Dave & JJ went with him, Dave quietly thanking the creator for the Ace in his hand, praying that one of the other's will hit a full house and try and take on his 4 aces.
Scott assumed the Mr Magoo mantle for this week, confusing how many diamonds were on the table. In a later hand, he confused a 6 for an 8, leading him to wrongly believe IJ had a straight. There was a collective sigh of relief that the new Scott, complete with psychic abilities and balls of steel, was gone and the old Scott, with precious little ability and dodgy eyesight, was back.
New Scott's luck hadn't abandoned him: he got lucky to turn big slick into a straight. JJ's aggressive raises had failed to shake Scott's faith in his AK, leaving JJ mightily fucked off and cursing the Mancunian Flukester: "It's like playing with a fucking idiot."
Scott didn't care. He had a very healthy pile of chips, looked like he might have a shot at a rare 3 wins in a row and had only turned up to watch the football in the first place.
Flouting his confidence in everyone's faces, Scott declared that he was going to win the next hand before he had even looked at his cards. JJ duly went all in with deuces and Scott called with 10s, while Baz got the hell out of the way with 6s. Sure enough, Scott's 10s held up to knock JJ out (8th), who left us with the parting words "Enjoy gentlemen. I hope it's a late one" which just goes to show how well JJ takes these things.
Baz lost a load of chips to Dan, after his Js were outclassed by Dan's aces. Mark then finished Baz off. who again had Js. Mark's K10 hit a K to destroy Baz by a whole 25p (which hasn't been a lucky amount for him of late..) Baz out (7th). As he followed JJ to Borehamwood, Baz cheerily wished "I hope it's a 4 o'clocker!"
Lee was out next when his KQ failed to hit against Mark's 7s. Lee out (6th).
Dave went all in with A2, which Scott called with A4. Dave got lucky and hit a 2, to knock Scott out (5th) shattering his dream of a third consecutive win. Scott left us with the wisdom of his game plan: it was a good call and he was glad he made it, even though he lost, since it meant he could go home at 01:28.
IJ went all in with A10 and was unhappy to see Mark turnover AK. IJ only had 2 10s to hit, since Dan had selfishly thrown one of them. In a lucky escape, IJ hit a 10, doubling up to make a nice dent in Mark's chip stack.
Mark went all in with AQ which Dave called with Qs. Mark proved himself as jammy a bastard as every other player, hitting one of the 3 aces he needed to double up and crippled Dave.
Clearly on tilt, Dave went all in next hand with K9, which Dan called with AQ. The better hand held up, doubling Dan up leaving Dave to despair "I can't win when I'm ahead and I can't win when he's ahead." (Please refer to earlier hands A2vA4 and even 4 Aces if you are at all suspicious of this statement.)
After a couple of double ups that he didn't want, Dan hit a straight flush to knock Dave out in style. Dave took Bea home (4th), who had graciously left the Youngs a foul smelling gift on the lawn.
IJ went out (3rd) after his Q7 hit a Q, but was no match for Dan's pair of Aces.
Mark began his 2nd heads up of the night at 01:45, this time against Dan and well behind in chips. After a heads up battle that lacked energy Dan won at 01:58.
Well done Dan!

2008 Poker Rankings Table:

Another week without points cut Barry's hold on the top spot to single digits for the first time in months. Dan's late night victory delivered him second place, turning his 2 point deficit behind Lee, to a 4 point lead. Only 8 points stand between Dan and first place.
Dave's third saw him crawl a point closer to IJ, and Mark's consolation for his 2 second places is that he moves 4 points closer to Sharon.
Scott's 2nd win of the year meant he made further progress away from the irregular players. He has overtaken Charlie in one bound and is only 4 points behind Jude.





Conversation topics of the week:

The woeful failure of Sky or the BBC to win the rights to the England World Cup qualifier, led to some debate about how shite Setanta are and how disgusting it is that they have even hogged the highlights. All present agreed a boycott of Setanta was a great idea.
There was a brief discussion about phobias and their origins. Sharon explained some of the psychology behind the irrational fears while Barry reminisced about how he was scared of buttons when he was a wee nipper.
Is Dean suffering from sleep apnea? He falls asleep as soon as the car starts moving, although Jude reassured us that this is only when he is a passenger. He can stay awake for at least 5 minutes when he's driving...
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Sleep_apnea
Dan requested that players exercise more care when dealing, so as to not create duff hands when he is on the blind. You know how he feels about duff hands...
Finally, there was some pondering as to who would write next year's blog? While no obvious candidate emerged, the discussion did produce some creative suggestions to preserve the blog's future. How about a split blog, with each game written up by different players, opening up the possibility of one of the girls taking up the strain for the first game?

Jokes of the week:

Here's the Oasis concert clip I was going on about - check out Liam the hard man..
http://uk.youtube.com/watch?v=CX5JBsKih0c

And for those of you interested in some US political satire, here's the voicemail McCain left asking Palin to be his VP:
http://www.236.com/blog/w/lee_camp/mccains_voice_mail_to_palin_le_8644.php

that's all for 2 weeks now folks,
ij

3 September 2008 (The Poker Suite) "Psychic Scott mind reads to first win of the year"

Game 1 – 9 players - (1st Sharon, 2nd Jude, 3rd Dan)

Our first game was delayed by the presence of an evil moth in the poker suite. Jude earned herself a round of applause after she successfully captured the moth in between a cup & a tenner, taking the mantle of top insect catcher from Dan, who's clapping technique was found wanting.
Once play kicked off at 20:43 Julian bet big on Qs, but thought twice about chucking it all in and going out in the first hand, a repeat of the last time he played. Since Dan had hit a full house, Jule's caution saved him to play a few more hands. ....
....But his survival wasn't long lived, after he went all in with 10s and was called by JJ with AQ, having hit a Q. Sharon handily informed us that she had chucked a 10, meaning Jules only had a single card to hit, which unsurprisingly he didn't and went out (9th).
Dave went out next, going all in with QJ, which JJ called with Qs, which held up to knock Dave out (8th).
It was at this point that Barry started to see flashing lights in front of his eyes, a sure sign of an incoming migraine (or perhaps madness?). He went all in with 8s, which Jude called with AJ. Jude hit a J to knock Baz out (7th) but IJ had laid down 5s, which would have tripped up. This was one of the first hands where the evil 5s started to do their despicable work. Meanwhile, Barry retired to the lounge, claiming that this was the first time that he actually wanted to lose. He lay down on the sofa and hid his face from the light, trying to resist the madness, I mean migraine.
Lee went all in with 10s, only to be called by Sharon who was outgunned with 7s, but hit a full house. Lee was knocked out (6th) for the second week running by his wife getting lucky, although this week she didn't crow about it as much.
JJ went all in with A9, only to be pipped to the pot by Jude with A10. JJ out (5th).
Jude then used the scary 5s to beat IJ's pathetic 42 all in and knock him out (4th).
Down to her last few chips earlier on and promising Dean that she'd be home soon, at this point Jude had amassed a huge pile of chips and become chip leader.
She went on to kick Dan out (3rd), after her Ks beat his Q10, to begin the first heads up battle of the bitches in a long while.
Due to Andy Murray's gripping US Open quarter final, the boys left Jude & Shaz to get on with it. It didn't take too long and was all over by 23:10. Sharon hit a pair of 6s and went all in, enticing a call from Jude who had a straight draw which never came.
Sharon's second victory in a row - well done Shaz!

Game 2 – 7 players - (1st Scott, 2nd Lee, 3rd JJ)

Our intrepid poker players tore themselves away from Andy Murray's quarter final to start the second game at 23:26, joined by Scott and a slightly recovered Baz.
In an early hand, Dan was blessed with Aces and raised £1.25, as he said 'to get rid of the shits.' Unfortunately for Dan, the biggest shit was not to be put off, which is understandable given that JJ was holding an unfoldable 56. The flop brought 345, giving JJ top pair (although a pretty miserable one) which he duly raised a Jackson special £7.50. Dan called, which was perfectly rational, given he was holding a monster over pair. When the turn brought another 5 to give J trip 5s, he raised £9.50. Dan re-raised all in which JJ obviously called. JJ already had Dan sewn up but just to teach him a lesson, the river gave JJ a flush to double him up and leave Dan very pissed off.
To provide some light relief Barry (recovered slightly) asked:
"What do you call a cunt with a headache?"
Scott provided the only answer possible: "Barry."
"I set you up for that one" said Barry.
"Anyone could have guessed the answer to that one" replied Scott.
"What even Bob in Frankfurt?" asked the genius Isaacson.
"Is there a 'Bob in Frankfurt'?" asked Scott.
Interrupting this gripping intellectual discourse, Dan went all in with Aces. He was still reeling from his earlier defeat with Aces but the excitement wasn't over for him quite yet. Lee called with Qs and the flop delivered KJ1o, to keep Dan ahead. His heart racing, the turn brought an Ace to give him trip Aces, but it also gave Lee a straight, creating a tense atmosphere around the table. The river put Dan back on top, bringing a 10 to give him a full house. Would you believe it? Getting paid for his 2nd pocket Aces, enabled Dan to get over his previous loss. What he'd have done if he'd lost twice with them is anyone's guess.
Barry's migraine took a turn for the worse and he consulted our resident Doctor:
"What does it mean when you've got a pain in the left side of your head?"
Jules: "You've got a headache."
JJ: "You're dying."
JQK of hearts on the flop brought more excitement, and Scott's £5 raise gave nothing away, since he has been excluded from the Royal Flush pot. Barry, sweating somewhat, managed a call. The turn was a J which brought an all in from Scott. Baz called and flipped over the Ace of hearts. He only needed the 10 of hearts to take home £300, which would have cured his migraine (but not his madness). His eyes, already suffering from the migraine, bulged out of his bald head, as the river card flashed a red 10 .... but it was diamonds. He sat down, exhausted declaring that he almost touched cloth when he saw that 10.
IJ confidently went all in with K9 after he hit trip 9s, only to have the smile wiped off his face by Scott's A9. IJ knocked out (7th)with trips by a cunt with trips and a better kicker.
A much weakened Baz went all in with 7s. Scott called with K10 and hit a K to treat Barry like the bitch that he is. Baz out (6th). Barry shrugged off IJ's 'I told you so' reminder that he should have taken his migraine home before the 2nd game and saved himself a tenner. He sniffed "You can only go in ahead". Lee tried to console him: "Scott did you a favour really. You weren't feeling well." He went home claiming that it was all worthwhile just to hit that 10.
Dan went all in with a JJ style 46 straight draw. Scott gave another demonstration of his psychic reading abilities, calling with A8, which held up to knock Dan out (5th).
Jules got over excited with his own A8 and went all in out of turn. Scott called, since his K8 had already become top pair. Jules could only say "Oh fuck" when Scott hit an 8 to give him two pair which knocked the good doctor out (4th).
Having knocked every single player out, Scott was by now a monster chip leader. JJ had accumulated chips early on in the game, and had managed to keep virtually the same size stack of chips ever since. His undoing was trying to bluff mind reader Scott, going all in with J10. Scott thought for a while and then made another amazing call, with his favourite A8, which held up. JJ was knocked out (3rd) and was incredibly annoyed that Scott had the audacity to call with nothing, despite Scott's nothing being better than JJ's total nothing.
Heads up began at 1am, with Lee trying to hide his thoughts from psychic Scott. He could only hold out for 12 minutes, at which point Scott hit a low straight,which we almost missed, to beat Lee's pair of Aces.
Well done Scott on your first win of the year!

2008 Poker Rankings Table:


Migraine inflicted Barry collected no points this week, but his position as our table leader remains secure. Lee's 2nd place & Dan's 3rd means their separation has widened slightly, with JJ 10 points behind in 4th.
Sharon's 2nd win in a row moves her 8 points clear of Mark and the remaining players, but she is still 18 points behind Dave, a massive gap to close at a maximum rate of one game a week.
Jude's 2nd place takes her 2 points closer to her beloved, but our week's biggest mover is Scott, whose first win of the year propels him ahead of Vic & Jules. Come on Scottie - 1 more point and your in double figures...




Conversation topics of the week:

There was some more chat about evil neighbours. Lee & Sharon's had quite reasonably asked their kids to keep quiet when playing in the garden during the afternoons (remember vampires and she-devils like to sleep during daylight hours.)
If that wasn't bad enough, Dave reported that his bitch of a neighbour had come round to complain about Bea (how dare she!) and wished her dead.
There was unrelated chat about what was more important to wear: tzit tzit or a kippah? According to JJ tzit tzit were in the torah, but then a kippah is a lot simpler and easier, and covers bald patches more effectively.
The most monumental news of the week was provided by the girls, who reported that Gaby didn't like the book at book club. Apparently this is the first time she has reacted strongly to any book ...
Finally, IJ and Baz annoyed everyone by a totally pointless conversation about what would IJ do if Barry won the euro millions lottery draw. This got so bad, that at one point Scott offered IJ 10p to shut up, which Lee raised to 20p. I can only apologise for inflicting such unforgivable dullness on everyone.

Jokes of the week:

After last week's high point in the humour stakes thanks to Dave, we are reduced to these anagrams from him:

agony onrush
porn markets
inane eulogy (had to add a middle name to get something from this one)
anus ninja joyed
bother cats
joins cabal
annoys jade
rainy boar sacs
valid dodging
grim anal head

That is basically all the regulars except JJ who, apparently, has a very difficult name to make anagrams of.

Thanks to Dave for this photo of how the credit crunch is affecting Britain:

that's all for this week folks,

ij