No reports.
Game 2– 8 players - (1st IJ, 2nd Lee, 3rd Mark)
Due to the Manchester United's lucky win on penalties in the Champions' League Final, play started at the exhausting hour of 23:50 with only Scott energised by the Northerner's success.
Baz's early luck proved as poor as John Terry's, laying down a KQ flush drawer after Dan aggressively raised all in. Turning the cards over Barry saw the flush that would have been and declared:
"If this game gets any worse, I'm joining Terry in the shower" to which Lee congratulated him on finding the only thing that would make John Terry's night more miserable.
On tilt, Barry then doubled up Scott, calling his all in with 2 pair that he couldn’t lay down, but which proved inadequate in face of Scott's straight.
Inspired by a toss of the dealer button, JJ called Baz's raise, despite only holding deuces. Luckily for JJ, Barry was on a stone cold bluff and deuces held up.
JJ then doubled up at Lee's expense after he hit the nut flush on the turn, with Lee too committed to lay down his 2 pair.
JJ, for the second time in the evening, was now an early monster chip leader, and the other players hoped for a repeat of his eventual decline in the first game, which would send him home penniless. Meanwhile, Lee was barely alive and Barry tried a new tactic of encouraging Dan to waste as much time as possible. Not because Baz thought he still had a chance of winning, but because he was getting up so early for his flight to Ireland that it was not worth him going to bed. Not to mention that he still had to go to the supermarket....
JJ foolishly gave Baz the ammo he needed, telling us all that Judah got 289 at bowling on the Wii. Dan was convinced that this was not possible and spent the next 30 mins pondering it: “Well it is quite complicated...” Thank the heavens that Dean wasn't there or we would all have been up all night.
Tommy went all in with Jacks. This time Barry couldn't lay down his flush draw (but then it was hearts) and jammily he hit it on the river. Tommy out (8th).
Showing his sensitive side, JJ asks jobless Mark if he is on benefits yet. Baz then chipped in, asking if Mark has been down the job centre, "Don't they do your kind of job at job centres?"
Dan finally works it out: "It is possible to get 289" proving how immutable the law is that whenever Dan says that something is wrong, you can bet your house that it'll turn out right. The only thing that varies is just how long Dan makes you suffer until he accepts it.
Having proved his usefulness, Dan exited after he re-raised Mark all in with 2 pair, 9s & 10s. Mark called with top pair but then hit a straight on the river. Dan out (7th).
Scott called IJ's raise and then backed his deuces all in. Unlike his beloved Man U, fate didn't have a lucky escape in store for him, and IJ's AJ turned into a flush on the river. Scott, still on a high, out (6th) to go home to dream of getting in the shower with Ronaldo.
JJ proved he could lose a massive chip lead twice in one night, finally getting knocked out (5th) by his fellow burger muncher.
Baz then took himself off to Tescos, after he called Lee's all in re-raise with AJ. Lee's AQ held up and Barry was out (4th).
In a decisively jammy hand for IJ, all 3 remaining players went all in. Mark had A9, Lee Jacks & IJ A3. IJ had very few cards to hit, but managed to hit them when two 3s appeared to triple him up and knock Mark out (3rd).
Heads up started at a ridiculously late 02:20 but mercifully was over in 4 mins when IJ, again luckily, came from behind to hit both a straight and a flush, and knock Lee out (2nd).
Well done IJ, second victory out of 2 games.
2008 Poker Rankings Table:
The top spot has changed hands yet again. Barry's first game victory takes him ahead of Lee, who's second place in the second game keeps the lead to a mere 2 points.
Dan's 2nd moves him slighlty further ahead of JJ, but still a long way behind the top two.
IJ's 2nd victory in as many weeks, takes him ahead of Dave, for the first time this year, and only 6 points behind JJ.
No change for the rest of the table.
Jokes/Sites of the week
Thanks to Baz for news of this incredible bet:
http://www.thisislondon.co.uk/sport/article-23482135-details/Newcastle+owner+Ashley+wins+%C2%A31.3m+on+one+spin+of+roulette+wheel/article.do
JJ has provided this story, demonstrating that the XXXX adverts aren't so far from the truth:
http://news.sky.com/skynews/article/0,,91059-1315823,00.html
and JJ's email claims that these are genuine clips from council complaint letters:
1. My bush is really overgrown round the front and my back passage has fungus growing in it.
2. He's got this huge tool that vibrates the whole house and I just can't take it anymore.
3. It's the dog mess that I find hard to swallow.
4. The man next door has a large erection in the back garden, which is unsightly and dangerous.
5. I want some repairs done to my cooker as it had backfired and burnt my knob off.
6. And their 18 yr old son is continually banging his balls against my fence.
7. I wish to report that tiles are missing from the outside toilet roof. I think it was bad wind the other night that blew them off.
8. My lavatory seat is cracked, where do I stand?
9. Please send a man with the right tool to finish the job to satisfy my wife.
10. Will you please send someone to mend the garden path? My wife tripped and fell on it yesterday and now she is pregnant.
11. I request permission to remove my drawers in the kitchen.
12. Our kitchen floor is damp. We have 2 children and would like a third, so please send someone round to do something about it.
13. I am still having problems with smoke in my new drawers.
14. The toilet is blocked and we cannot bath the children until it is cleared.
15. Will you please send a man to look at my water, it is a funny colour and not fit to drink..
16. I am writing on behalf of my sink, which is coming away from the wall.
17. I want to complain about the farmer across the road, every morning at 6 a.m. His cock wakes me up and its now getting too much for me.
18. I wish to complain that my father hurt his ankle very badly, then he put his foot in the hole in his back passage.
19. 50% of the walls are damp, 50% have crumbling plaster and 50% are plain filthy.
20. I am a single woman living in a downstairs flat and would you please do something about the noise made by the man on top of me every night.
21. Our lavatory seat is broken in half and is now in three pieces.
22. I have had the clerk of works down on the floor 6 times but I still have no satisfaction.
Dave has supplied this one:
Moshe is waiting on the platform at the station. He notices a Jewish man standing nearby and asks him for the time. But the man ignores him.
Moshe then asks him again, and the man responds in the same way.
Frustrated, Moshe asks 'Excuse me, but I've asked you for the time twice, why are you ignoring me?'
Suddenly, the man looks up and says, 'We're both waiting for the train, if I answer you, then when we get on the train you will come and sit next to me, we will probably start talking, and I may invite you to my house for Shabbat, there you will meet my daughter, you will probably like her, you may eventually want to marry her, and to be honest with you, WHY WOULD I WANT A SON IN LAW WHO CAN'T AFFORD A WATCH?'
--------
Morty visits Dr. Saul, the Vet, and says, "My dog, has a problem."
Dr. Saul says, "So tell me about the dog and the problem."
"It's a Jewish dog. His name is Irving and he can talk", says Morty.
"He can talk?" the doubting doctor asks.
"Watch this!" Morty points to the dog and commands, "Irving, Fetch!"
Irving, the dog, begins to walk towards the door, then turns around and says,
"So why are you talking to me like that? You always order me around like I'm nothing. And you only call me when you want something. And then you make me sleep on the floor, with my arthritis. You give me this fahkahkta food with all the salt and fat, and you tell me it's a special diet. It tastes like dreck!. YOU should eat it yourself!! And do you ever take me for a decent walk? No, it's out of the house, a short push, and right back home. Maybe if I could stretch out a little, the sciatica wouldn't kill me so much! I should roll over and play dead for real for all you care."
Dr. Saul is amazed, "This is remarkable! What could be the problem?"
Morty says, "Can't you tell, he has a hearing problem! I said, "Fetch, not Kvetch."
Think that is all for this week folks!
ij
