31 October 2007 (The Poker Suite) - "Trick or Treat for Shazza's birthday??"


Game 1 – 9 players - (1st Jude, 2nd Dave, 3rd JJ):

Scott (K9) out first to JJ's (77) flush

I won nice pot vs Sharon's A9 (9 on flop) with flush on river

Jude doubled up with AA vs Dan's JJ

Dan (QQ) all in. JJ calls with 33 but 4 2 6 on flop gives JJ straight draw, only for a 5 to come on turn and give JJ the lucky straight. Dan out.

Dave (KK) Lee (A7 - all in) Barry (KQ) - K on flop and Dave wins. Lee out

Sharon (birthday girl) all in with Q10 - JJ calls with Q10, but JJ hit a flush on the river. Sharon out. nice present from JJ

Jude all in with AQ. I call with 10 10 but Q on flop and Jude doubles up

Ilan triples up with flush vs me and Dave

I triple up vs Dave and Ilan with J9 hitting 9 on flop, but Dave's 88 knock Ilan's AQ out

I all in with A10. Dave calls with 88 - 8's hold up, and I out

JJ out next

heads up Jude has about 10% of chips, and in a big swing hand Jude (AQ) and Dave (A4) and Jude makes a monumentous comeback to take her first win since January, with a lucky straight !


Game 2 – 6 players - (1st Barry, 2nd Dan, 3rd JJ):

I won early pot with 44 vs Lee's AQ, hitting 4 on flop (Lee hit Ace)

Dave (AA) all in against Dan's QQ but a Queen on the turn sent Dave very quickly to the garden for a commiseratory fag before speedily heading home. Unlucky.

Lee out next to Dan's trip Kings

Ilan all in with AQ -- I call the extra £3.25 with J9 and a 9 on the turn sends unlucky Ilan home

JJ all in with 77 and I call with AQ - Q on turn and JJ also unlucky and going home.

Heads up with me and Dan, Dan goes all in with Q8 and I call with 10 10. 8 on flop for Dan, but no more help and I win.


Poker Rankings table for this week:






Royal Flush Pot:

Started this week. Please bring £1 coin with you every week to put in the pot. First Royal Flush, gets the cash. Good luck....... However, Dan proclaimed that if a Royal Flush ever comes on the flop, turn and river for all in the hand to share, he will dance around the table naked. Let's hope and pray that day never comes !!!


Congratulations:

Mazeltov to Sharon on her birthday, Paul and family on the birth of a son, and Ilan's brother on his engagement.



Video of the Week:

Thanks Dave:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=G1d83XOORP0

Thanks JJ:
http://nz.youtube.com/watch?v=bVq0u1BTGgE

and a nice picture from me for the boys - the cheerleaders came to London this week for the first ever competitive NFL game played outside of the USA: (click to see)




and a joke from moi:



The Jewish Parrot.

Meyer, a lonely widower, was walking home along Delancy Street one day wishing something wonderful would happen in his life, when he passed a pet store and heard a squawking voice shouting out in Yiddish, "Quawwwwk...vus machts du?"

Meyer rubbed his eyes and ears. Couldn't believe it. Perfect Yiddish. The proprietor urged him, "Come in here, fella, and check out this parrot..." Meyer did. An African Grey cocked his little head and said: "Vus? Kenst sprechen Yiddish?" In a matter of moments, Meyer had placed five hundred dollars on the counter and carried the parrot in his cage away with him.

All night he talked with the parrot. In Yiddish. He told the parrot about his father's adventures coming to America. About how beautiful his late wife, Sarah, was when she was a young bride. Ab! out his family. About his years of working in the garment district. About Florida. The parrot listened and commented. They shared some walnuts. The parrot told him of living in the pet store, how lonely he would get on the weekends. They both went to sleep.

Next morning, Meyer began to put on his Tfillin, all the while saying his prayers. The parrot demanded to know what he was doing and when Meyer explained, the parrot wanted to do the same. Meyer went out and had a miniature set of tfillin hand made for the parrot. The parrot wanted to learn to daven and learned every prayer. He even wanted to learn to read Hebrew. So Meyer spent weeks and months, sitting and teaching the parrot, teaching him Torah. In time, Meyer came to love and count on the parrot as a friend and fellow Jew.

One morning, on Rosh Hashanah, Meyer rose and got dressed and was about to leave when the parrot demanded to go with him . Meyer explained that Shul was not a place for a bird, but the parrot made a terrific argument, so Meyer relented and carried the bird to Shul on his shoulder. Needless to say, they made quite a spectacle, and Meyer was questioned by everyone, including the Rabbi and the Cantor. They refused to allow a bird into the building on the High Holy Days, but Meyer persuaded them to let him in this one time, swearing that the parrot could daven.

Wagers were made with Meyer. Thousands of dollars were bet that the parrot could NOT daven, could not speak Yiddish or Hebrew, etc. All eyes were on the African Grey during services. The parrot perched on Meyer's shoulder as one prayer and song passed - Meyer heard not a peep from the bird.

He began to become annoyed, slapping at his shoulder and mumbling under his breath, "Daven!" Nothing. "Daven...parrot, you can daven, so daven...come on, everyone is looking at you!" Nothing.

After Rosh Hashanah services were concluded, Meyer found that he owed his Shul buddies and the Rabbi over four thousand dollars.. He marched home, so upset he said nothing to the parrot. Finally several blocks from the Temple the Parrot began to sing an old Yiddish song, as happy as a lark. Meyer stopped and looked at him. "Why? After I had tfillin made for you and taught you the morning prayers, and taught you to read Hebrew and the Torah. And after you begged me to bring you to Shul on Rosh Hashana, why? WHY?!? Why did you do this to me?" "

Meyer, don't be a schmuck," the parrot replied. "Think of the odds we'll get on Yom Kippur!"



And on that note, that's all for this week.
B.

24 October 2007 (The Poker Suite) - "It's all about the poker......"

Game 1 – 8 players - (1st Barry (1st win since July !!), 2nd JJ, 3rd Sharon):

JJ (AK) should have boon out early on to James's 10 10 but hit A on river

James (QQ) out first to Ilan (AJ) after Ilan hit A on turn

Lee (44) vs JJ (J9) - 9 and a 4 on flop - but two Jacks on turn and river give JJ higher full house and Lee robbed and out.

Ilan (AK) out next to Sharon's 10 10

Dave (A10) out next to Sharon's KK after Dave hit A but Sharon hit nut flush

I (88) knock Dan (K8) out hitting trip 8's

Sharon all in with 88, I call with 10 10 and Sharon stort stacked and out soon after to JJ

Heads up - me (A5) and JJ (K8) - A and K on flop and I get first win in 14 weeks !!


Game 2 – 7 players - (1st Dave (to go top of the table), 2nd James, 3rd Ilan):

Ilan hit four 2's and won nice pot vs James's QQ

Dan got 4 cards of the 5 required for a spade Royal flush (see later). So near and yet so far.

I lost big hand with 2 pair to Dan's straight on the river

Dan (JJ) vs James (KK). First card out is a Jack and James gutted, only for next card to be a K. Dan decimated

Soon after I finish the brutal pillaging of Dan's chips, and send him home a monster hand: 5 8 J on flop and 8 on turn, gives Dan full house and me trips. Dan all in. I call. I losing big time until river card (Ace) gives me higher full house and Dan out.

James string joins

Me (JJ) vs JJ's AK - Jack on flop and I double up

next hand, JJ (AK) goes up against Dave (AJ) and 444A on board gives split pot. Lucky escape for Dave

a huge hand and a huge decision. JJ (A8) all in. James calls with AJ. I call with KK. Ace on flop and James goes all in. I have to decide if he has an Ace. After deliberating for ages, I can't lay down my KK and call. DOH. bad move. I have not very many chips left and JJ out.

next hand I all in with Q5, Dave calls with Q2, and of course Dave got lucky and hit a 2. me out.

Lee out next, followed by Ilan, and heads up, Dave overturns huge chip lead of James's and wins to go top of the table.



Poker Rankings table for this week:




Idea of the Week:

AT LAST. A discussion about the Poker Elite emblem (spade royal flush) finally reaped rewards as Lee suggested that we each put in £1 a week, and the first person to get a Royal flush (any suit) will win the pot. Nice idea. Starts next year.

No extras this week, as, after all, it's all about the poker !!!

And on that note, that's all for this week.
B.

17 October 2007 (The Poker Suite) - "Give me two fives on the flop....."

Game 1 – 8 players - (1st Lee, 2nd Baz the Aged, 3rd Jude):

JJ hit four 8's and wins big pot vs Jude's full house

I won huge hand vs Dan with JJ vs Dan's bluff straight draw

Charlie won big with straight vs JJ's trip 5's

Sharon (58) doubled up with 2 pair vs Charlie's pair of 8's

Dave (A10) all in. Lee calls (AA). Dave out first

Dan (KK) all in. JJ (A3) all in after river. Charlie (AJ) calls after hitting Jacks. Dan triples up. JJ out

Sharon & Jude both double up.

I knock Dan out with pair of 8's vs flush draw

Lee wins shed loads of chips with nut flush vs Sharon

I knock Sharon out with AA hitting additional A on flop !

Jude (KQ) all in - Charlie calls with AQ. K on flop - Jude doubled up

Charlie out next to Lee

I lost lots to Lee - both with straight flush draw but Lee hit straight

I double up twice vs Lee and Jude to become chip leader, but then lost most of them !

I got lucky with K7 hitting 7 on flop. Jude all in with QQ - but 7 on turn and I double up.

Jude doubles up with J10 vs Lee's 99 after hitting J on turn

Jude out next in 3rd to Lee's straight, and heads up with Lee (77) I go all in with 55. Lee wins. me second.



Game – 6 players - (1st Dave, 2nd Baz the Aged, 3rd JJ):

Charlie (AK) all in. Lee calls (Q10) all in. Dave calls (K5). Charlie hits flush. Lee out

Charlie all in with A10. Lucky Dave calls with A4 - but lucky 4 4 on board and Charlie unluckily sent packing home

JJ knocked Dan out next

JJ (AJ) all in. Lucky Dave (A5) calls, and asks for two fives on the flop. As luck would have it, two fives DID appear on the flop and JJ sent packing

Heads up with me and Dave - I all in with A6. Dave calls with A7. 6 on flop, followed by a 7 and Dave wins.



Poker Rankings table for this week:





Quote of the night:

Dan: "I've got an ipod in me!"

Greenday (lyrics) : "get me the fuck right out of here"


Extras of the Week:


A woman sitting in an Adelaide restaurant suddenly began to cough.
After a few seconds it became apparent that she was in real distress.
And two locals, Kenzie and Brian sitting at the next table turned to look at her.
"Kin ya swaller?", asked Kenzie.
The woman signalled "No!", desperately shaking her head.
"Kin ya breathe?", asked Brian.
The woman shook her head "No!!!"
With that, Kenzie walked behind her, lifted up the back of her dress, yanked down her knickers and ran his tongue up and down her bum.
This shocked the woman into such a violent spasm that the obstruction flew out of her mouth and she began to breathe again.
Kenzie swaggered back to his table and took a deep swig of his beer.
Brian said in admiration, "Ya know Kenzie, I'd heard of that Bloody Hind Lick Manoeuvre, but that's the first time I ever seen somebody do it.





Remember Lemmings? Now you can play all the original levels online. love it:

http://www.elizium.nu/scripts/lemmings/




Joke time....





England were playing the Springboks, and after the half-time whistle blew they found themselves ahead 50-0, with Jonny Wilkinson kicking out of his skin. The rest of the team decided to head for the pub instead of playing the second half, leaving Jonny to go out on his own.

"No worries," Jonny told them, "I'll join you later and tell you what happened." After the game Jonny headed for the pub where he told his teammates the final score: 95-3.

"What!!!!" said a furious Phil Vickery, "How did you let them get three points??!"

Jonny replied apologetically, "I was sent off with 20 minutes to go!"




and finally, what a great video of a market in Bangkok !

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1aZFetrUEo0





And on that note, that's all for this week.
B.




10 October 2007 (J&D's) - "Only 11 more blogs to go...."


Game 1 – 8 players - (1st Dave, 2nd Ilan, 3rd Vic):

In a big hand, Dean hit trip 6's (nicely predicted by me) to JJ's AQ (nothing hit) - odd call by JJ.
Shazza also had AQ but folded it earlier)

JJ (77) out soon after to Jude (A8) when an 8 hit on the board

I go all in with 10 10 - Vic calls with A8 (???) and hits a lucky A on river (twat). Me out.

Dean out next, followed by Sharon and Jude

Vic huge chip leader but blows it big time to finish in 3rd.

After what seemed like another 4 hours, Dave beat Ilan heads up.


Game 2 – 5 players - (1st JJ, 2nd Dave, 3rd Barry):

With Dean asleep on the couch, game 2 began...

I (K10) won big hand vs Dave (AA) after hitting K and a 10 on the flop.

Me and Ilan, bored and short stacked decided to go all in blind. Ilan (9 10) wasnt happy when he saw my A K, and Ilan left with £1.25

Ilan out next hand !

Vic followed and I doubled up 3 times from just above big blind sized stack of chips.

However, lucky wanker JJ called my all in (KK) with A 10 and afgter I hit a K on the flop he started to leave. But the Q and J on turn and river gave the lucky c*nt a straight to send me home.

He beat Dave heads up, soon after.


Poker Rankings table for this week:







Extras of the Week:

Most other people play Wii or watch tv once knocked out. Oh no - that's not good enough for JJ.
Caught on camera. Knocked out, or knocking one out ? You decide.....







This was posted on an online City dating site in London . Check the reply from the Morgan Stanley boy.... the most fantastic application of efficient markets I've ever seen!


What am I doing wrong?

Okay, I'm tired of beating around the bush. I'm a beautiful (spectacularly beautiful) 25 year old girl. I'm articulate and classy. I'm not from New York . I'm looking to get married to a guy who makes at least half a million a year. I know how that sounds, but keep in mind that a million a year is middle class in New York City , so I don't think I'm over reaching at all. Are there any guys who make 500K or more on this board? Any wives? Could you send me some tips? I dated a business man who makes average around 200 - 250. But that's where I seem to hit a roadblock. 250,000 won't get me to central park west. I know a woman in my yoga class who was married to an investment banker and lives in Tribeca, and she's not as pretty as I am, nor is she a great genius. So what is she doing right? How do I get to her level?

Here are my questions specifically:- Where do you single rich men hang out? Give me specifics- bars,restaurants, gyms-What are you looking for in a mate? Be honest guys, you won't hurt my feelings-Is there an age range I should be targeting (I'm 25)?- Why are some of the women living lavish lifestyles on the upper eastside so plain? I've seen really 'plain jane' boring types who have nothing to offer married to incredibly wealthy guys. I've seen drop dead gorgeous girls in singles bars in the east village. What's the story there?- Jobs I should look out for? Everyone knows - lawyer, investment banker, doctor. How much do those guys really make? And where do they hang out? Where do the hedge fund guys hang out?- How you decide marriage vs. just a girlfriend? I am looking for MARRIAGE ONLY

Please hold your insults - I'm putting myself out there in an honest way. Most beautiful women are superficial; at least I'm being up front about it. I wouldn't be searching for these kind of guys if I wasn't able to match them - in looks, culture, sophistication, and keeping a nice home and hearth.

PostingID: 432279810 THE ANSWER

Dear Pers-431649184:

I read your posting with great interest and have thought meaningfully about your dilemma. I offer the following analysis of your predicament. Firstly, I'm not wasting your time, I qualify as a guy who fits your bill; that is I make more than $500K per year. That said here's how I see it. Your offer, from the prospective of a guy like me, is plain and simple a crappy business deal. Here's why. Cutting through all the B.S., what you suggest is a simple trade: you bring your looks to the party and I bring my money. Fine, simple. But here's the rub, your looks will fade and my money will likely continue into perpetuity...in fact, it is very likely that my income increases but it is an absolute certainty that you won't be getting any more beautiful!

So, in economic terms you are a depreciating asset and I am an earning asset. Not only are you a depreciating asset, your depreciation accelerates! Let me explain, you're 25 now and will likely stay pretty hot for the next 5 years, but less so each year. Then the fade begins in earnest. By 35 stick a fork in you! So in Wall Street terms, we would call you a trading position, not a buy and hold...hence the rub...marriage. It doesn't make good business sense to "buy you" (which is what you're asking) so I'd rather lease. In case you think I'm being cruel, I would say the following. If my money were to go away, so would you, so when your beauty fades I need an out.

It's as simple as that. So a deal that makes sense is dating, not marriage.Separately, I was taught early in my career about efficient markets. So, I wonder why a girl as "articulate, classy and spectacularly beautiful"as you has been unable to find your sugar daddy. I find it hard to believe that if you are as gorgeous as you say you are that the $500K hasn't found you, if not only for a tryout. By the way, you could always find a way to make your own money and then we wouldn't need to have this difficult conversation.With all that said, I must say you're going about it the right way. Classic "pump and dump."I hope this is helpful, and if you want to enter into some sort of lease, let me know.

Humbert de Liedekerke Beaufort
Morgan Stanley Fixed Income



And on that note, that's all for this week.
B.


2 October 2007 (J&D's) - "Cream Tea, Anybody ?"

Game 1 – 7 players - (1st Dan, 2nd Dave, 3rd Ilan):

JJ lost lots of chips to Dave - both had nothing except straight draw

JJ wins huge pot with A9 vs my all in JQ spades, Scotts AJ suited and Ilan's A10 suited - only a 9 hit (I had straight flush draw after flop). Me out

I bowled a great Wii game - hitting all pins for spares and strikes exvept last pin (DOH) - for score of 179, and made tea for all using my special 'cream'

Scott out to Dans Flush

JJ out to Dan

Ilan out in 3rd to Dan

Dave, heads up with Dan, lost 2 big hands - A vs K diamond flush and then 2 pair vs higher 2 pair. Dan winner


Game 2 – 6 players - (1st Ilan, 2nd Dave, 3rd Barry):

I won big pot vs JJ and Scott with 2 pair (on turn and river)

JJ out first with 99 vs AK of Ilan and K hit

I (AK) knock Scott out with A10 and hit straight

I (QQ) knock Dan out (A9) hitting A on flop and a Q

I (low straight and straight flush draw) get knocked out by lucky Ilan with a higher straight

Heads up, Ilan beat Dave.


Poker Rankings table for this week:




Conversation Topics:

Jude's house, cream teas, Wii bowling, Dean's Singaporean whore, plus other irrelevant drivel


Quotes of the Night:

Dan: "Your go, c*nt breath"
Scott: "I assume you're talking to me"
Dan "You're the only one that's been sucking gash"


Extras of the Week:

Stick Man fighting game. Quite good
http://www.killsometime.com/Games/Game.asp?ID=634



(click to see large pictures)













And on that note, that's all for this week.
B.