6 September (S&L’s house) £10 loss – “Shut Yo face Uncle Fucka”

Game 1 (1st Dan, 2nd Dave, 10 players)

Cheers to guest bloggers Barry then Dan.

In a huge first hand Sharon won early chips with AQ versus Barry’s AK and Lewis’s A 10. The flop included a Q and 10. This was followed with a big second hand of the night as 2 pair Jude came up short against Dan’s straight on the river.

Dave built an early lead with a straight versus Lewis.

Short-stacked Lewis went all in and with a flop of AA6 Lewis must have been worried. Sharon held 22, Lewis held 44 and Barry held JJ. Incredibly the turn and the river brought two more Js giving Barry JJJJA (photo to come).

Jude doubled up with KK before exiting shortly afterwards.

Barry came unstuck to another straight from Dave and was KO’d the following hand with 10 7 despite hitting a 10 on the flop. Charlie scared Dave off and then revealed a weak looking up and down straight draw before hitting the A to send Barry to the sofa.

In a big pot, Dan and Dave both hit straights but Dan had the higher one. Dan then doubled up versus Dave.

Dean fell to Dave’s pocket rockets. Incredibly Dean hit a King high flush on the turn but the river gave Dave the nut flush. Adios amigos.

Lee was out next hand with 2 pairs versus llan’s trip Qs. If anyone is reading this they must surely know that 2 pairs is a crap hand that fucks you royally virtually every time. Shame I didn’t learn from this in game 2.

Charlie was given the old one-two by Sharon. First she smelt a bluff with an A to a straight on the board and called a big raise to decimate Charlie. Sharon then finished Charlie off with a pair of Js.

Ilan was then out with 88 versus Sharon’s A4 hearts – 2 pairs holding up for once.

I arrived to take over blog recording and seemed to be the kiss of death for monster chip leader Dave.

Sharon fell very unluckily to Dan – both had J8 suited but runner runner clubs brought Dan the flush to take us heads up.

In a massive swing hand, Dave raised 2 piles of reds after a flop of 5 10 3 (2 spades) and Dan called. After the turn Dave raised 3 piles of reds and Dan went all-in and Folding Golding folded.

The final hand saw Dan’s top pair KK versus Dave’s bottom pair and flush diamond draw. The Ks held up. Well done to the both of you.

Game 2 (1st Dean, 2nd Charlie, 9 players)

I hit two pairs on the turn (77 88) and raised only for Dave to re-raise and then go all-in on the river. Dave had hit the nut straight with a deceptively cuntish 8 on the turn.

I was out the next hand with A8 and top pair on the flop. Lee and Charlie both needed a 5 to make a straight and they both got it to share my chips. The dirty bastards.

With a flop of 459 Barry and Charlie exchanged £5 raises and Charlie won a big pot with 9s and Ks.

Lee disappeared for about 20 minutes to find a CD.

Barry beater (aka Charlie) KO’d Barry with another one-two combination. The final hand saw Charlie’s 33 up against Barry’s AQ. The flop came Q (Barry rather pleased with himself), 3 (Charlie even more pleased with himself), 5, 2, J.

Dave then used his second pocket rockets of the night to good effect to KO Lewis.

Lee continues without notes….

Remaining was Dave, Dean, Charlie, Lee, Dan & Ilan.

Next major hand saw Dave and Dan betting into each other - Dan went all in pre-river. Dave called with the nut flush - Dan showed 2 pairs - river came to pair the board and give Dan a full house - at which point Dave had a little chuckle before threatening to kill Dan, his family, friends, pets, friends of pets etc..

Lee was short stack, small blind and it was time for a move - 3 players call, Ilan went all in, lee
called, Dan & Dave called - Ilan hit top pair lee the straight to ko Ilan.

There followed much moaning and groaning - admissions of defeat all round etc the usual reaction to lee winning a big pot - completely forgetting that it was probably only the third hand he won all night!

Dave was next to exit - Dan followed having taken a verbal volley from an outraged Dean - who
should now thank Dan as it served to wake him from the semi coma he was about to enter - if Dean was now awake - the next hand he was something close to alert and battle ready..

Dean & Charlie in the hand - flop brings 5 5 8 Charlie & dean keep pulling each others plonkers
(raising, calling) turn comes 5 - more pulling - river nowt - (at this point Deans end of the
table has risen (yet his hands are both on the table??) Dean goes all in - Charlie fails to spot
the table position or Deans high pitch voice and calls with an 8 (full house) - Dean shows him the
fourth 5 - to take a monster lead.

next hand Charlie and lee tangle - flop is KK5 small bets - turn is Q river A - lee's all in
shows KKK - Charlie has hit a straight with J 10 - looks confused - says thank you - nearly gets glassed - we are heads up.

Didn’t last long Dean 10 9 - Charlie 10 6 - 10 on the flop - good night from Charlie and Dean is
quietly clawing his way back.

Conversation topics

With Labour MPs and aides dropping like flies it provoked plenty of discussion. Some prat (Dean) got Lewis started on mobile phones and there was a long discussion about the crapness of Dean’s Motorola phone. At least none of you have resorted to this. See http://today.reuters.co.uk/news/articlenews.aspx?type=oddlyEnoughNews&storyid=2006-09-07T050713Z_01_N06184750_RTRIDST_0_OUKOE-UK-LIFE-SALVADOR-PRISONERS.XML&src=rss

Dean read some interesting titbits from local paper ‘The Archer’.

Life at Accenture

Dan kept on muttering about having 3 hours work to do. Dean was reading a couple of completely unintelligible documents.

Musical interlude

We were serenaded by South Park songs including La Resistance Medley, Uncle Fucka and Blame Canada (which was actually nominated for an Oscar). See lyrics below for the Uncle Fucka song.

Terrance: Shut your fucking face uncle fucka
You're a cock sucking ass licking uncle fucka
You're an uncle fucka, yes its true
Nobody fucks uncles quite like you

Phillip: Shut your fucking face uncle fucka
You're the one that fucked your uncle, uncle fucka
You don’t eat or sleep or mow the lawn,
You just fuck your uncle all day long

(farting noises)
Terrance: Hmm!
(farting noises)
(laughing)
(farting noises)
Policeman: What's going on here?
(farting noises)
People: OOOoooooooooooooh
Fucker fucker uncle fucka uncle fucka fucka fucka fucka
T & P: Shut your fucking face uncle fucka (Terrance: uncle fucka)

Terrance: You're a boner biting bastard uncle fucka
Phillip: You're an uncle fucka I must say
Terrance: Well you fucked your uncle yesterday
Everyone: (laughing)
People: Uncle fucka... thats
Everyone: U-N-C-L-E fuck you Uncle
Fuckaaaaaa tonight...

Phillip:Suck my balls

In researching the blog, I came across the following, which is quite interesting.

The show's opening theme song is an original musical score performed by alternative rock band Primus. The song has been remixed twice in the course of the series, and certain lines have been altered (see below).

Kenny's lines in the song, like the rest of his speech in the show (with the exception of two lines in episode 807, The Jeffersons, and when he says "Goodbye, you guys" in South Park: Bigger, Longer, and Uncut) are muffled by his parka hood, which covers his entire face except for his eyes. Kenny actually says from season 1 to 2 "I like women with big vaginas. I'm also a fan of big, fat titties," in season 3-4 he says, "I've got a 10-inch penis. Use your mouth if you want to clean it," and then from season 7 on he says "Some day I'll be old enough to stick my dick in Britney's butt." The general unintelligibility of Kenny's lines has helped them avoid being censored by television networks on a number of occasions, although the gist of it can usually be understood. It is sometimes easy to comprehend the lines, given the context in which they are delivered.

More info at http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/South_park

Jewish first base

This is quite amusing.

http://www.veoh.com/videoDetails.html;jsessionid=602BE0E131AED13C0BD97C1E14D65B54?v=e107067WHhNhRh4

Mazel tov

Congrats to Dave on back-to-back top 2 finishes in online poker in just 8 days. Last week’s win was followed with a second place at the weekend and Dave has now amassed $3688 in his Vegas fund beating over 1,500 other players along the way.

Mazel tov to Lewis on his great new job at FFW.

How to?

I wrote this one myself.

http://www.wikihow.com/Do-Nothing

Quote of the night

Lee: “We (Total) do more for the environment than a lot of companies”
Lewis: “Yeh, Buncefield”

Article of the week (from Vic for Barry)

http://business.scotsman.com/index.cfm?id=1290842006

Brainteaser

Congrats to Dave on winning last week’s brainteaser. The correct answer was D. Poison – replace the word ‘times’ with ‘X’. See below for this week’s brainteaser.

As you are finding these too easy, here’s a slightly more tricky one. Cheating Charlie need not respond.

Eight and five, last name and given,
We are one six six six even;
The first in cow, the last in oxen
Three in damsel, three in vixen.

Question: What are we called?