Game 1 (1st Dan, 2nd Scott, 8 players)
Lee and I shared the first pot with identical hands of AQ.
Shortly after a deceptively great flop AQ4 left me looking at trip Qs and thinking I was reeling in Barry. Sadly, this was the first (out of three occasions on the night) that I walked into AA. W@nk.
In the hand of the night, the flop came 222 and Lee had limped in with AA. Lee hit AAA22 on the turn but Dan had hit four 2s on the flop to decimate Lee. Nice birthday present.
Dan hit an A high flush on the river to KO both Vic and Lee.
Monster Dan then KO’d Sharon with Q10 versus Q9.
Dave KO’d me with pocket rockets.
Scott doubled up with an A high flush versus Barry’s J high flush.
Farmer Scott then milked Dan with KK.
Barry doubled up with AJ versus Dave’s QQ.
Barry was then all but KO’d by Dave’s two pair (KK 77) versus top pair (AA).
Scott finished the job by knocking out Barry with a J on the river.
Scott was then faced with a text all-in dilemma as Dalia texted to say Lia was downstairs. Scott gambled and texted back “do you want me to come home?” An anxious wait followed until the bluff paid off.
Scott doubled up versus Dave and then Dan KO’d Dave leaving a second game in a row featuring heads-up between Scott and Dan.
Dan wasn’t to be denied. A nice straight and flush won further chips from Scott. Cautious Scott then slow-played his pair of Qs allowing Dan to hit the flush on the river to take the spoils.
Game 2 (1st Lee, 2nd Vic, 8 players)
Barry won a big early pot versus Dave with top pair versus 99.
Optimistic Scott (44) was KO’d by Barry’s two pairs. Why did you call?
Vic almost tripled up with trip 8s versus Barry and Dean.
Dean tripled up versus Dave (KO’d) and Barry.
Dan got very lucky to double up against Barry with 77 versus JJ. A straight arriving on the turn. At this point, Scott helped Dan by placing his large pile of chips in piles of one.
Lee hit the nut flush to KO Dan and then KO’d Dean with pocket Ks.
I lost loads of chips to Vic with A 10 versus AQ before walking into my third lot of pocket rockets on the night held by Lee.
Lee (how you can think you are not lucky getting KK, AA, KK in about five hands is beyond me) then KO’d Barry (top pair with A kicker) with KK.
Heads-up was a three-hand marathon as Lee’s pocket 10s held up against Vic’s pocket 8s.
Conversation topics
No-one managed to get a word in all night as Dean bleated on to Scott about a new venture he’s leading (in his spare time) that requires 50 new hires.
Quotes of the night
In a strong contender for quote of the year Scott said “all right, which cunt’s go is it?”
Everyone: “You!”
Lee to Dan (after very bad beat with AAA22 versus 2222J): “You are not welcome in my house”
Dave: “No change there then”
Dean (talking about his new business venture): “From great oaks, small acorns grow”. No wonder Scott wasn’t interested.
Life at Accenture
Dan was out pimping until 1.30am the previous night.
Dean proudly boasted he was asleep at 9.30pm the previous night. Don’t think this laziness hasn’t been spotted by Accenture. Why else would they think you have the spare capacity to take on this new project?
Dean admitted to resorting to lying on his business cards to get the partner title he craves.
How to?
http://www.wikihow.com/Be-a-Slacker
The Hoff (this is amazing)
http://www.youtube.com/v/RB-wUgnyGv0 (contributed by Alexei – mazeltov on your engagement. For those that want an explanation of how this is done please email me and I will forward Alexei’s email)
Stories of the week
Take that you pesky panda:
http://today.reuters.co.uk/news/articlenews.aspx?type=oddlyEnoughNews&storyid=2006-09-21T092909Z_01_PEK289017_RTRIDST_0_OUKOE-UK-CHINA-PANDA.XML&src=rss
3 year old buys car on ebay:
http://news.sky.com/skynews/article/0,,30000-13544104,00.html
Idiot-proof Mondeo:
Ford are bringing out an "idiot-proof" Mondeo .They proudly boast that the 2007 model, which will be unveiled at next week's Paris Motor Show, will incorporate technology which will make it impossible to put petrol into a diesel tank.
Mazel tov/messages
Happy 33rd birthday to Lee.
Wishing everyone well over the fast. May everyone be inscribed in the book of life.
Brainteaser
Well done to Barry on last week’s brainteaser. The correct answer was ‘painless operation’. See below for this week’s brainteaser.
Which is the odd one out and why?
Boundaries
Chameleon
Cancerous
Librarian
Scorpions
Keyboards
20 September (J&D’s house) £20 loss – “Northern lads take the spoils”
Game 1 (1st Barry, 2nd Scott, 6 players, cozy)
Early on Jude would have hit a straight flush on the turn, but it wasn’t to be.
With a flop of 3J8 Dave and Ilan checked it down. The next two cards were 3 then 4. Dave raised, IJ re-raised and Dave re-re-raised and the bearded one called with AA versus Dave’s FH 44433.
Dave won another big pot with a 10 8 straight. Despite getting a number of straights, Dave couldn’t keep himself straight all night – repeatedly going flying on one particular piece of shiny wood flooring.
Barry (JJ) doubled up with a FH versus Dave (A 10) falling behind then going ahead on the flop which came AJ8 then 33.
I KO’d Mohammed Jacobs with two pairs versus a flush draw.
Barry doubled up versus Dave with another FH – this time KKKAA.
Scott was suspicious of my £5 raise and called. When I went all-in on the flop (37A) Scott somehow convinced himself to call with KJ to double me up. I had the A.
Scott came back from the dead winning a few pots in a row.
Jude then all but KO’d me. I went all-in with AJ after a flop of 44Q. Jude called with 77 to leave me with 50p. Dave finished me off with a pair of cowboys.
Scott doubled up against Dave with 88 versus A 10.
Dave hit a straight on the river but Barry had hit the flush to double up.
Scott’s AQ came really good against Jude making a FH AAAQQ to double up. Jude then exited to Barry’s KQ.
In the hand of the night, Barry hit 7777 on the flop to KO Dave.
Heads-up it was the Northern boys. Scott hit a pair of 8s on the flop but Barry then hit a Q and went further ahead with a straight on the river to take the spoils.
Game 2 (1st Scott, 2nd Dan, 7 players)
The game started with 51 cards and then a couple of bump deals from Jude – clearly not used to the exertions of a second game.
Barry hit an early straight versus Jude.
I also won some early chips versus Dan with 88 versus 77 and community cards 33449.
Chasing another nut flush that never came I called Barry’s all-in and was decimated.
I recovered slightly with a lucky 8 on the river but then was KO’d by Scott’s A9 suited. The same hand also accounted for Dave.
Barry continues…Scott KO’d Jude with A high flush versus top pair before Dan knocked out Ilan with 10s versus 4s.
Three-way Dan KO’d Barry with a lucky FH 10 10 10 33 versus Barry’s AK.
Heads-up it was the Northern boys again and after a stale to and fro battle Scott held AA and Dan went all-in after a nice looking flop Q 5 10. Game over. Scott ended the evening with a creditable 1st and 2nd.
Conversation topics
Ilan and Jude had an interesting discussion about first aid. We’re in safe hands should anything happen at the poker table with two trained operatives.
Ilan’s loyalty to his large-breasted hairdresser was his perfectly reasonable explanation for the bearded look he sported.
There was also discussion about a £800,000 car that costs £5m each to make. Now that’s a good business model.
Quotes of the night
As we got down to 3 players chip leader Scott piped up: “I’ve got to beat one of this bad boys”
Bearded one: “Who would you do? Chantelle or Jordan”
Dave: “Your mum”
Life at Accenture
Dan had worked until 1.30am the previous night. Dean, clearly not satisfied with the hours he’s putting in at Accenture, was up in Leicester on his second job as a property magnate. I look forward to the opening ceremony for Jayson Towers.
How to?
I should have read this 9 months ago.
http://www.wikihow.com/Dissuade-Yourself-from-Becoming-a-Blogger
And here’s one for Lee ahead of his trip.
http://www.wikihow.com/Survive-in-the-Woods-for-3-Days
Story of the week
You’re never too old.
http://news.sky.com/skynews/article/0,,30000-13543337,00.html
Mazel tov
Congrats to me on my second place in the HJPS charity poker tournament. See photo below of me accepting my prize. Looking at the other two in the photo, it’s easy to see why Borehamwood is associated with dwarfs (the other two are standing on boxes of poker chips as well).
Nice lob
http://video.google.co.uk/videoplay?docid=7032316303141404085&q=alonso+goal (copy and paste into browser)
Brainteaser
Congrats to Dean on winning last week’s brainteaser. Good to see you have the time for this but not lunch. The correct answer was a photo negative. See below for this week’s brainteaser.
Can you decipher this phrase:
O_er_t_o_
Early on Jude would have hit a straight flush on the turn, but it wasn’t to be.
With a flop of 3J8 Dave and Ilan checked it down. The next two cards were 3 then 4. Dave raised, IJ re-raised and Dave re-re-raised and the bearded one called with AA versus Dave’s FH 44433.
Dave won another big pot with a 10 8 straight. Despite getting a number of straights, Dave couldn’t keep himself straight all night – repeatedly going flying on one particular piece of shiny wood flooring.
Barry (JJ) doubled up with a FH versus Dave (A 10) falling behind then going ahead on the flop which came AJ8 then 33.
I KO’d Mohammed Jacobs with two pairs versus a flush draw.
Barry doubled up versus Dave with another FH – this time KKKAA.
Scott was suspicious of my £5 raise and called. When I went all-in on the flop (37A) Scott somehow convinced himself to call with KJ to double me up. I had the A.
Scott came back from the dead winning a few pots in a row.
Jude then all but KO’d me. I went all-in with AJ after a flop of 44Q. Jude called with 77 to leave me with 50p. Dave finished me off with a pair of cowboys.
Scott doubled up against Dave with 88 versus A 10.
Dave hit a straight on the river but Barry had hit the flush to double up.
Scott’s AQ came really good against Jude making a FH AAAQQ to double up. Jude then exited to Barry’s KQ.
In the hand of the night, Barry hit 7777 on the flop to KO Dave.
Heads-up it was the Northern boys. Scott hit a pair of 8s on the flop but Barry then hit a Q and went further ahead with a straight on the river to take the spoils.
Game 2 (1st Scott, 2nd Dan, 7 players)
The game started with 51 cards and then a couple of bump deals from Jude – clearly not used to the exertions of a second game.
Barry hit an early straight versus Jude.
I also won some early chips versus Dan with 88 versus 77 and community cards 33449.
Chasing another nut flush that never came I called Barry’s all-in and was decimated.
I recovered slightly with a lucky 8 on the river but then was KO’d by Scott’s A9 suited. The same hand also accounted for Dave.
Barry continues…Scott KO’d Jude with A high flush versus top pair before Dan knocked out Ilan with 10s versus 4s.
Three-way Dan KO’d Barry with a lucky FH 10 10 10 33 versus Barry’s AK.
Heads-up it was the Northern boys again and after a stale to and fro battle Scott held AA and Dan went all-in after a nice looking flop Q 5 10. Game over. Scott ended the evening with a creditable 1st and 2nd.
Conversation topics
Ilan and Jude had an interesting discussion about first aid. We’re in safe hands should anything happen at the poker table with two trained operatives.
Ilan’s loyalty to his large-breasted hairdresser was his perfectly reasonable explanation for the bearded look he sported.
There was also discussion about a £800,000 car that costs £5m each to make. Now that’s a good business model.
Quotes of the night
As we got down to 3 players chip leader Scott piped up: “I’ve got to beat one of this bad boys”
Bearded one: “Who would you do? Chantelle or Jordan”
Dave: “Your mum”
Life at Accenture
Dan had worked until 1.30am the previous night. Dean, clearly not satisfied with the hours he’s putting in at Accenture, was up in Leicester on his second job as a property magnate. I look forward to the opening ceremony for Jayson Towers.
How to?
I should have read this 9 months ago.
http://www.wikihow.com/Dissuade-Yourself-from-Becoming-a-Blogger
And here’s one for Lee ahead of his trip.
http://www.wikihow.com/Survive-in-the-Woods-for-3-Days
Story of the week
You’re never too old.
http://news.sky.com/skynews/article/0,,30000-13543337,00.html
Mazel tov
Congrats to me on my second place in the HJPS charity poker tournament. See photo below of me accepting my prize. Looking at the other two in the photo, it’s easy to see why Borehamwood is associated with dwarfs (the other two are standing on boxes of poker chips as well).
Nice lob
http://video.google.co.uk/videoplay?docid=7032316303141404085&q=alonso+goal (copy and paste into browser)
Brainteaser
Congrats to Dean on winning last week’s brainteaser. Good to see you have the time for this but not lunch. The correct answer was a photo negative. See below for this week’s brainteaser.
Can you decipher this phrase:
O_er_t_o_
13 September (S&L’s house) £40 profit – “Swings and roundabouts”
Game 1 (1st Sharon, 2nd Jude, 7 players)
I arrived late and slow-played my straight and straight flush draw to Dave and Sharon. A four on the turn made my low end straight look a lot weaker and Dave won early chips with a 7 high straight as well as a higher straight flush draw. Sharon also had the low straight.
I then showed good instincts to lay down 88 versus Dave’s 33 after a flop of 763. I shouldn’t have bothered as I was out next hand.
Dan doubled up against Sharon with AA versus QQ (the Queen taketh) following a flop of 4 6 10.
Barry made an £8 raise to Jude which everyone read as an over-bet. Jude showed cool instincts to call and decimate Barry’s stack.
Sharon went all-in with 85 and Jude and Dave (QQ) called. A lucky straight arrived to double up Sharon. The Queens giveth.
Sharon repeated the old double up trick with two pairs. Jude showed a different side to her game by raising with absolutely nothing.
Barry (K3 suited) came back from the dead doubling up against Dave (A3) with three more hearts.
Dave doubled up against Sharon with 33 versus A9.
Barry (KK) then was very unlucky to be KO’d by Dave’s 99. Trip 9s arrived on the turn.
Lee doubled up with A7.
In an exciting hand (for Sharon) both Sharon and Dave held AA and it was no surprise they were both all-in pre-flop. Sharon hit 4 spades for a flush. Ouch!
In yet another big hand, Jude went all-in with 33 and Lee went all-in with AA. The flop was 3 6 K but an A arrived to Lucky Lee’s delight on the river to double him up.
Jude went all-in with AJ and doubled up versus Sharon. Jude (A 10) repeated the feat versus Dan’s 77 hitting two pairs.
Dan tripled up with pocket 8s.
Sharon doubled up against Dan by hitting two pairs versus Dan’s straight and flush draw. Sharon was on a roll and KO’d Dave with JJ versus 33.
Dan then fell to Jude with 55 versus 99.
Lee was KO’d by partner in crime Sharon leaving just the bitches for the finale of a very long but interesting game.
The heads up contest looked like Jude would win but Sharon (watched by me) played strongly to fight back – a key hand was when Sharon hit trip 9s before the end came with a K high straight for Sharon versus Jude’s two pairs. Finish time 12.05am.
Game 2 (1st JJ, 2nd Lee, 7 players)
IJ won a big early pot versus Barry and then Dave did the same.
Dean was excited to hit a straight on the flop but the following cards screwed him royally and he lost to Lee’s full house JJJKK.
Barry went all-in with J8 (top pair) and exited to Dean’s AK.
Dave and Dan clashed with Dan getting a lucky 10 on the river to double up.
Dean was massively on tilt having laid down a hand to me and was then KO’d by Dave’s two pair.
With four players left and Dean’s parting words ringing in my ears (I hope you get a massive lead and then come third) I was a tad over-cautious when Dan re-raised my raise all-in. I laid down QQ (probably shouldn’t have shown this in hindsight). Dan had AQ and I would have won.
Short-stacked IJ (A5) was KO’d by Dave’s 10 4 but seemed more disappointed with the recycling takings this week.
Lee hit a monster with AQ making a full house AAAQQ versus Dan.
Dave got lucky against Dan hitting four to a flush to double up.
Lee doubled up against Dave hitting a full house on the flop.
Dave went all-in with an up and down and I called with trip Ks to KO Dave.
Heads up I did my usual suicide bluff with AK and two Qs on the flop. Lee had a Q and doubled up.
In an astonishing hand Lee went all-in with 33 and I had QJ suited. The flop was 3 J J followed by 9 and Q. Lovely.
Lee came back from the dead doubling up with A6 hearts versus my top pair on the flop.
Lee repeated this trick once more hitting two spades for a flush.
The final hand saw Lee with J9 versus my K9 with a 9 on the flop. The K kicker held up.
Conversation topics
With the rain teeming down and thunder/lightening there was a real danger to the smokers standing outside under the metal umbrella. Dan was encouraged to find something in the middle of the garden.
Total is sending Lee on a moor by himself in October to reflect for the night.
Life at Accenture
Dean revealed he is feeling the effects of being a junior executive as he admitted to no longer having lunch. As I went to sleep at 3am, I gained some small comfort that Dean was getting up at 4am to check on some new system he’s spent 6 months working on.
Dwarftastic
Anyone for basketball?
http://today.reuters.co.uk/tv/videoStory.aspx?isSummitStory=false&storyId=4f7f7a9a01bfea4cfbbde36c7f3329d7be15cb88&WTmodLoc=NewsArt-R4-WatchVideos-2
How to?
Recent events have shown the importance of this ‘how to’.
http://www.wikihow.com/Treat-a-Stingray-Sting
There’s now no excuse for not knowing your pot odds.
http://www.wikihow.com/Calculate-Pot-Odds-Quickly-in-Hold-'Em-Poker
Letter of the week (contributed by Dave)
Dear Audrey,
I know the counsellor said we shouldn't contact each other during our "cooling off" period, but I couldn't wait anymore. The day you left, I swore I'd never talk to you again. But that was just the wounded little boy in me talking. Still, I never wanted to be the first one to make contact. In my fantasies, it was always you who would come crawling back to me. I guess my pride needed that. But now I see that my pride's cost me a lot of things. I'm tired of pretending I don't miss you. I don't care about looking bad anymore. I don't care who makes the first move as long as one of us does. Maybe it's time we let our hearts speak as loudly as our hurt. And this is what my heart says... "There's no one like you, Audrey." I look for you in the eyes and breasts of every woman I see, but they're not you. They're not even close. Two weeks ago, I met this girl at Flamingos and brought her home with me. I don't say this to hurt you, but just to illustrate the depth of my desperation. She was young, maybe 19, with one of those perfect bodies that only youth and maybe a childhood spent ice skating can give you. I mean, just a perfect body. Jugs you wouldn't believe and an ass like a tortoise shell. Every man's dream, right? But as I sat on the couch being blown by this stunner, I thought, look at the stuff we've made important in our lives. It's all so superficial. What does a perfect body mean? Does it make her better in bed? Well, in this case, yes. But you see what I'm getting at. Does it make her a better person? Does she have a better heart than my moderately attractive Audrey? I doubt it. And I'd never really thought of that before. I Don't know, maybe I'm just growing up a little. Later, after I'd tossed her about a half a pint of throat yoghurt, I found myself thinking, "Why do I feel so drained and empty?" It wasn't just her flawless technique or her slutty, shameless hunger, but something else. Some niggling feeling of loss. Why did it feel so incomplete? And then it hit me. It didn't feel the same because you weren't there, Audrey, to watch. Do you know what I mean? Nothing feels the same without you. Jesus, Audrey, I'm just going crazy without you. And everything I do just reminds me of you. Do you remember Carol, that single mum we met at Pontins last year? Well, she dropped by last week with a pan of lasagne. She said she figured I wasn't eating right without a woman around. I didn't know what she meant till later, but that's not the real story. Anyway, we had a few glasses of wine and the next thing you know we're banging away in our old bedroom. And this tart's a total monster in the sack. She's giving me everything, you know like a real woman does when she's not hung up about her weight or her career and whether the kids can hear us. And all of a sudden she spots that tilting mirror on your grandmother' old vanity. So she puts it on the floor and we straddle it, right, so we can watch ourselves. And it's totally hot, but it makes me sad too. 'Cause I can't help thinking, "Why didn't Audrey ever put the mirror on the floor? We've had this old vanity for what, 14 years, and we never used it as a sex aid." Saturday, your sister drops by with my copy of the restraining order. I mean, Vicky's just a kid and all, but she's got a pretty good head on her shoulders and she's been a real friend to me during this painful time.
She's given me lots of good counsel about you and about women in general. She's pulling for us to get back together, Audrey, She really is. So we're drinking in a hot bath and talking about happier times. Here's this teenage girl with the same DNA as you and all I can do is think of how much she looked like you when you were 18. And that just about makes me cry. And then it turns out Vicky's really into the whole anal thing and that gets me to thinking about how many times I pressured you about trying it and how that probably fuelled some of the bitterness between us. But do you see how even then, when I'm thrusting inside your baby sister's cinnamon ring, all I can do is think of you? It's true, Audrey. In your heart you know it. Don't you think we could start over? Just wipe out all the grievances and start fresh? I think we can. If you feel the same please please please let me know, otherwise, can you let me know where the Sky remote control is, I've looked everywhere.
Paul
Stories of the week
Man forced to marry goat http://news.bbc.co.uk/1/hi/world/africa/4748292.stm
For richer for paw-er http://news.sky.com/skynews/picture_gallery/picture_gallery/0,,30000-1233680,00.html
Charlie spotted an update on the threesome story of a few months back. See article below.
Internet sex gambler wins threesome but loses gal to third woman!
London, Sept 11 -- Next time you have those wild sexual ideas, like wife-swapping or a threesome, think twice for in the bargain you may lose your own partner forever, as happened in case of Richard Green. The Internet sex gambler had laid a bet, whereby he got his girlfriend Katie Greenwood to promise him a three-in-a-bed romp if his website got five million hits. And though he won it, he lost his lover after she left him for the girl they had a threesome with. Katie, who's an admin worker from Warrington, Cheshire, kept her word and went for it, but now she has dumped Green for pretty dancer Holly Henderson, the girl who made his fantasy come true. The 21-year-old claims that after their romp Richard became madly jealous.
"It was his idea to have the threesome, but I went along with it to keep him happy and now it's bitten him on the bum," Newsoftheworld quoted her, as saying.
"Afterwards he became a nightmare. I couldn't even go to the shop without him following, thinking I was seeing someone.
"I turned to Holly as a friend to get me through a difficult patch and things progressed from there," she added. Richard, 30, a former Lancashire county cricketer, who posted pictures of the romp on www.makethishappen.com admitted: "As soon as we'd had the threesome I knew it was a mistake. I just couldn't trust her any more."
What beer is for?
Brainteaser
Congrats to Dave on winning last week’s tricky brainteaser – that’s two in a row. The correct answer was roman numerals. See below for this week’s brainteaser.
I am where the sky is orange;
I am where the grass is red;
I am the land of violet bananas
and the home to blue oranges.
What am I?
I arrived late and slow-played my straight and straight flush draw to Dave and Sharon. A four on the turn made my low end straight look a lot weaker and Dave won early chips with a 7 high straight as well as a higher straight flush draw. Sharon also had the low straight.
I then showed good instincts to lay down 88 versus Dave’s 33 after a flop of 763. I shouldn’t have bothered as I was out next hand.
Dan doubled up against Sharon with AA versus QQ (the Queen taketh) following a flop of 4 6 10.
Barry made an £8 raise to Jude which everyone read as an over-bet. Jude showed cool instincts to call and decimate Barry’s stack.
Sharon went all-in with 85 and Jude and Dave (QQ) called. A lucky straight arrived to double up Sharon. The Queens giveth.
Sharon repeated the old double up trick with two pairs. Jude showed a different side to her game by raising with absolutely nothing.
Barry (K3 suited) came back from the dead doubling up against Dave (A3) with three more hearts.
Dave doubled up against Sharon with 33 versus A9.
Barry (KK) then was very unlucky to be KO’d by Dave’s 99. Trip 9s arrived on the turn.
Lee doubled up with A7.
In an exciting hand (for Sharon) both Sharon and Dave held AA and it was no surprise they were both all-in pre-flop. Sharon hit 4 spades for a flush. Ouch!
In yet another big hand, Jude went all-in with 33 and Lee went all-in with AA. The flop was 3 6 K but an A arrived to Lucky Lee’s delight on the river to double him up.
Jude went all-in with AJ and doubled up versus Sharon. Jude (A 10) repeated the feat versus Dan’s 77 hitting two pairs.
Dan tripled up with pocket 8s.
Sharon doubled up against Dan by hitting two pairs versus Dan’s straight and flush draw. Sharon was on a roll and KO’d Dave with JJ versus 33.
Dan then fell to Jude with 55 versus 99.
Lee was KO’d by partner in crime Sharon leaving just the bitches for the finale of a very long but interesting game.
The heads up contest looked like Jude would win but Sharon (watched by me) played strongly to fight back – a key hand was when Sharon hit trip 9s before the end came with a K high straight for Sharon versus Jude’s two pairs. Finish time 12.05am.
Game 2 (1st JJ, 2nd Lee, 7 players)
IJ won a big early pot versus Barry and then Dave did the same.
Dean was excited to hit a straight on the flop but the following cards screwed him royally and he lost to Lee’s full house JJJKK.
Barry went all-in with J8 (top pair) and exited to Dean’s AK.
Dave and Dan clashed with Dan getting a lucky 10 on the river to double up.
Dean was massively on tilt having laid down a hand to me and was then KO’d by Dave’s two pair.
With four players left and Dean’s parting words ringing in my ears (I hope you get a massive lead and then come third) I was a tad over-cautious when Dan re-raised my raise all-in. I laid down QQ (probably shouldn’t have shown this in hindsight). Dan had AQ and I would have won.
Short-stacked IJ (A5) was KO’d by Dave’s 10 4 but seemed more disappointed with the recycling takings this week.
Lee hit a monster with AQ making a full house AAAQQ versus Dan.
Dave got lucky against Dan hitting four to a flush to double up.
Lee doubled up against Dave hitting a full house on the flop.
Dave went all-in with an up and down and I called with trip Ks to KO Dave.
Heads up I did my usual suicide bluff with AK and two Qs on the flop. Lee had a Q and doubled up.
In an astonishing hand Lee went all-in with 33 and I had QJ suited. The flop was 3 J J followed by 9 and Q. Lovely.
Lee came back from the dead doubling up with A6 hearts versus my top pair on the flop.
Lee repeated this trick once more hitting two spades for a flush.
The final hand saw Lee with J9 versus my K9 with a 9 on the flop. The K kicker held up.
Conversation topics
With the rain teeming down and thunder/lightening there was a real danger to the smokers standing outside under the metal umbrella. Dan was encouraged to find something in the middle of the garden.
Total is sending Lee on a moor by himself in October to reflect for the night.
Life at Accenture
Dean revealed he is feeling the effects of being a junior executive as he admitted to no longer having lunch. As I went to sleep at 3am, I gained some small comfort that Dean was getting up at 4am to check on some new system he’s spent 6 months working on.
Dwarftastic
Anyone for basketball?
http://today.reuters.co.uk/tv/videoStory.aspx?isSummitStory=false&storyId=4f7f7a9a01bfea4cfbbde36c7f3329d7be15cb88&WTmodLoc=NewsArt-R4-WatchVideos-2
How to?
Recent events have shown the importance of this ‘how to’.
http://www.wikihow.com/Treat-a-Stingray-Sting
There’s now no excuse for not knowing your pot odds.
http://www.wikihow.com/Calculate-Pot-Odds-Quickly-in-Hold-'Em-Poker
Letter of the week (contributed by Dave)
Dear Audrey,
I know the counsellor said we shouldn't contact each other during our "cooling off" period, but I couldn't wait anymore. The day you left, I swore I'd never talk to you again. But that was just the wounded little boy in me talking. Still, I never wanted to be the first one to make contact. In my fantasies, it was always you who would come crawling back to me. I guess my pride needed that. But now I see that my pride's cost me a lot of things. I'm tired of pretending I don't miss you. I don't care about looking bad anymore. I don't care who makes the first move as long as one of us does. Maybe it's time we let our hearts speak as loudly as our hurt. And this is what my heart says... "There's no one like you, Audrey." I look for you in the eyes and breasts of every woman I see, but they're not you. They're not even close. Two weeks ago, I met this girl at Flamingos and brought her home with me. I don't say this to hurt you, but just to illustrate the depth of my desperation. She was young, maybe 19, with one of those perfect bodies that only youth and maybe a childhood spent ice skating can give you. I mean, just a perfect body. Jugs you wouldn't believe and an ass like a tortoise shell. Every man's dream, right? But as I sat on the couch being blown by this stunner, I thought, look at the stuff we've made important in our lives. It's all so superficial. What does a perfect body mean? Does it make her better in bed? Well, in this case, yes. But you see what I'm getting at. Does it make her a better person? Does she have a better heart than my moderately attractive Audrey? I doubt it. And I'd never really thought of that before. I Don't know, maybe I'm just growing up a little. Later, after I'd tossed her about a half a pint of throat yoghurt, I found myself thinking, "Why do I feel so drained and empty?" It wasn't just her flawless technique or her slutty, shameless hunger, but something else. Some niggling feeling of loss. Why did it feel so incomplete? And then it hit me. It didn't feel the same because you weren't there, Audrey, to watch. Do you know what I mean? Nothing feels the same without you. Jesus, Audrey, I'm just going crazy without you. And everything I do just reminds me of you. Do you remember Carol, that single mum we met at Pontins last year? Well, she dropped by last week with a pan of lasagne. She said she figured I wasn't eating right without a woman around. I didn't know what she meant till later, but that's not the real story. Anyway, we had a few glasses of wine and the next thing you know we're banging away in our old bedroom. And this tart's a total monster in the sack. She's giving me everything, you know like a real woman does when she's not hung up about her weight or her career and whether the kids can hear us. And all of a sudden she spots that tilting mirror on your grandmother' old vanity. So she puts it on the floor and we straddle it, right, so we can watch ourselves. And it's totally hot, but it makes me sad too. 'Cause I can't help thinking, "Why didn't Audrey ever put the mirror on the floor? We've had this old vanity for what, 14 years, and we never used it as a sex aid." Saturday, your sister drops by with my copy of the restraining order. I mean, Vicky's just a kid and all, but she's got a pretty good head on her shoulders and she's been a real friend to me during this painful time.
She's given me lots of good counsel about you and about women in general. She's pulling for us to get back together, Audrey, She really is. So we're drinking in a hot bath and talking about happier times. Here's this teenage girl with the same DNA as you and all I can do is think of how much she looked like you when you were 18. And that just about makes me cry. And then it turns out Vicky's really into the whole anal thing and that gets me to thinking about how many times I pressured you about trying it and how that probably fuelled some of the bitterness between us. But do you see how even then, when I'm thrusting inside your baby sister's cinnamon ring, all I can do is think of you? It's true, Audrey. In your heart you know it. Don't you think we could start over? Just wipe out all the grievances and start fresh? I think we can. If you feel the same please please please let me know, otherwise, can you let me know where the Sky remote control is, I've looked everywhere.
Paul
Stories of the week
Man forced to marry goat http://news.bbc.co.uk/1/hi/world/africa/4748292.stm
For richer for paw-er http://news.sky.com/skynews/picture_gallery/picture_gallery/0,,30000-1233680,00.html
Charlie spotted an update on the threesome story of a few months back. See article below.
Internet sex gambler wins threesome but loses gal to third woman!
London, Sept 11 -- Next time you have those wild sexual ideas, like wife-swapping or a threesome, think twice for in the bargain you may lose your own partner forever, as happened in case of Richard Green. The Internet sex gambler had laid a bet, whereby he got his girlfriend Katie Greenwood to promise him a three-in-a-bed romp if his website got five million hits. And though he won it, he lost his lover after she left him for the girl they had a threesome with. Katie, who's an admin worker from Warrington, Cheshire, kept her word and went for it, but now she has dumped Green for pretty dancer Holly Henderson, the girl who made his fantasy come true. The 21-year-old claims that after their romp Richard became madly jealous.
"It was his idea to have the threesome, but I went along with it to keep him happy and now it's bitten him on the bum," Newsoftheworld quoted her, as saying.
"Afterwards he became a nightmare. I couldn't even go to the shop without him following, thinking I was seeing someone.
"I turned to Holly as a friend to get me through a difficult patch and things progressed from there," she added. Richard, 30, a former Lancashire county cricketer, who posted pictures of the romp on www.makethishappen.com admitted: "As soon as we'd had the threesome I knew it was a mistake. I just couldn't trust her any more."
What beer is for?
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Brainteaser
Congrats to Dave on winning last week’s tricky brainteaser – that’s two in a row. The correct answer was roman numerals. See below for this week’s brainteaser.
I am where the sky is orange;
I am where the grass is red;
I am the land of violet bananas
and the home to blue oranges.
What am I?
6 September (S&L’s house) £10 loss – “Shut Yo face Uncle Fucka”
Game 1 (1st Dan, 2nd Dave, 10 players)
Cheers to guest bloggers Barry then Dan.
In a huge first hand Sharon won early chips with AQ versus Barry’s AK and Lewis’s A 10. The flop included a Q and 10. This was followed with a big second hand of the night as 2 pair Jude came up short against Dan’s straight on the river.
Dave built an early lead with a straight versus Lewis.
Short-stacked Lewis went all in and with a flop of AA6 Lewis must have been worried. Sharon held 22, Lewis held 44 and Barry held JJ. Incredibly the turn and the river brought two more Js giving Barry JJJJA (photo to come).
Jude doubled up with KK before exiting shortly afterwards.
Barry came unstuck to another straight from Dave and was KO’d the following hand with 10 7 despite hitting a 10 on the flop. Charlie scared Dave off and then revealed a weak looking up and down straight draw before hitting the A to send Barry to the sofa.
In a big pot, Dan and Dave both hit straights but Dan had the higher one. Dan then doubled up versus Dave.
Dean fell to Dave’s pocket rockets. Incredibly Dean hit a King high flush on the turn but the river gave Dave the nut flush. Adios amigos.
Lee was out next hand with 2 pairs versus llan’s trip Qs. If anyone is reading this they must surely know that 2 pairs is a crap hand that fucks you royally virtually every time. Shame I didn’t learn from this in game 2.
Charlie was given the old one-two by Sharon. First she smelt a bluff with an A to a straight on the board and called a big raise to decimate Charlie. Sharon then finished Charlie off with a pair of Js.
Ilan was then out with 88 versus Sharon’s A4 hearts – 2 pairs holding up for once.
I arrived to take over blog recording and seemed to be the kiss of death for monster chip leader Dave.
Sharon fell very unluckily to Dan – both had J8 suited but runner runner clubs brought Dan the flush to take us heads up.
In a massive swing hand, Dave raised 2 piles of reds after a flop of 5 10 3 (2 spades) and Dan called. After the turn Dave raised 3 piles of reds and Dan went all-in and Folding Golding folded.
The final hand saw Dan’s top pair KK versus Dave’s bottom pair and flush diamond draw. The Ks held up. Well done to the both of you.
Game 2 (1st Dean, 2nd Charlie, 9 players)
I hit two pairs on the turn (77 88) and raised only for Dave to re-raise and then go all-in on the river. Dave had hit the nut straight with a deceptively cuntish 8 on the turn.
I was out the next hand with A8 and top pair on the flop. Lee and Charlie both needed a 5 to make a straight and they both got it to share my chips. The dirty bastards.
With a flop of 459 Barry and Charlie exchanged £5 raises and Charlie won a big pot with 9s and Ks.
Lee disappeared for about 20 minutes to find a CD.
Barry beater (aka Charlie) KO’d Barry with another one-two combination. The final hand saw Charlie’s 33 up against Barry’s AQ. The flop came Q (Barry rather pleased with himself), 3 (Charlie even more pleased with himself), 5, 2, J.
Dave then used his second pocket rockets of the night to good effect to KO Lewis.
Lee continues without notes….
Remaining was Dave, Dean, Charlie, Lee, Dan & Ilan.
Next major hand saw Dave and Dan betting into each other - Dan went all in pre-river. Dave called with the nut flush - Dan showed 2 pairs - river came to pair the board and give Dan a full house - at which point Dave had a little chuckle before threatening to kill Dan, his family, friends, pets, friends of pets etc..
Lee was short stack, small blind and it was time for a move - 3 players call, Ilan went all in, lee
called, Dan & Dave called - Ilan hit top pair lee the straight to ko Ilan.
There followed much moaning and groaning - admissions of defeat all round etc the usual reaction to lee winning a big pot - completely forgetting that it was probably only the third hand he won all night!
Dave was next to exit - Dan followed having taken a verbal volley from an outraged Dean - who
should now thank Dan as it served to wake him from the semi coma he was about to enter - if Dean was now awake - the next hand he was something close to alert and battle ready..
Dean & Charlie in the hand - flop brings 5 5 8 Charlie & dean keep pulling each others plonkers
(raising, calling) turn comes 5 - more pulling - river nowt - (at this point Deans end of the
table has risen (yet his hands are both on the table??) Dean goes all in - Charlie fails to spot
the table position or Deans high pitch voice and calls with an 8 (full house) - Dean shows him the
fourth 5 - to take a monster lead.
next hand Charlie and lee tangle - flop is KK5 small bets - turn is Q river A - lee's all in
shows KKK - Charlie has hit a straight with J 10 - looks confused - says thank you - nearly gets glassed - we are heads up.
Didn’t last long Dean 10 9 - Charlie 10 6 - 10 on the flop - good night from Charlie and Dean is
quietly clawing his way back.
Conversation topics
With Labour MPs and aides dropping like flies it provoked plenty of discussion. Some prat (Dean) got Lewis started on mobile phones and there was a long discussion about the crapness of Dean’s Motorola phone. At least none of you have resorted to this. See http://today.reuters.co.uk/news/articlenews.aspx?type=oddlyEnoughNews&storyid=2006-09-07T050713Z_01_N06184750_RTRIDST_0_OUKOE-UK-LIFE-SALVADOR-PRISONERS.XML&src=rss
Dean read some interesting titbits from local paper ‘The Archer’.
Life at Accenture
Dan kept on muttering about having 3 hours work to do. Dean was reading a couple of completely unintelligible documents.
Musical interlude
We were serenaded by South Park songs including La Resistance Medley, Uncle Fucka and Blame Canada (which was actually nominated for an Oscar). See lyrics below for the Uncle Fucka song.
Terrance: Shut your fucking face uncle fucka
You're a cock sucking ass licking uncle fucka
You're an uncle fucka, yes its true
Nobody fucks uncles quite like you
Phillip: Shut your fucking face uncle fucka
You're the one that fucked your uncle, uncle fucka
You don’t eat or sleep or mow the lawn,
You just fuck your uncle all day long
(farting noises)
Terrance: Hmm!
(farting noises)
(laughing)
(farting noises)
Policeman: What's going on here?
(farting noises)
People: OOOoooooooooooooh
Fucker fucker uncle fucka uncle fucka fucka fucka fucka
T & P: Shut your fucking face uncle fucka (Terrance: uncle fucka)
Terrance: You're a boner biting bastard uncle fucka
Phillip: You're an uncle fucka I must say
Terrance: Well you fucked your uncle yesterday
Everyone: (laughing)
People: Uncle fucka... thats
Everyone: U-N-C-L-E fuck you Uncle
Fuckaaaaaa tonight...
Phillip:Suck my balls
In researching the blog, I came across the following, which is quite interesting.
The show's opening theme song is an original musical score performed by alternative rock band Primus. The song has been remixed twice in the course of the series, and certain lines have been altered (see below).
Kenny's lines in the song, like the rest of his speech in the show (with the exception of two lines in episode 807, The Jeffersons, and when he says "Goodbye, you guys" in South Park: Bigger, Longer, and Uncut) are muffled by his parka hood, which covers his entire face except for his eyes. Kenny actually says from season 1 to 2 "I like women with big vaginas. I'm also a fan of big, fat titties," in season 3-4 he says, "I've got a 10-inch penis. Use your mouth if you want to clean it," and then from season 7 on he says "Some day I'll be old enough to stick my dick in Britney's butt." The general unintelligibility of Kenny's lines has helped them avoid being censored by television networks on a number of occasions, although the gist of it can usually be understood. It is sometimes easy to comprehend the lines, given the context in which they are delivered.
More info at http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/South_park
Jewish first base
This is quite amusing.
http://www.veoh.com/videoDetails.html;jsessionid=602BE0E131AED13C0BD97C1E14D65B54?v=e107067WHhNhRh4
Mazel tov
Congrats to Dave on back-to-back top 2 finishes in online poker in just 8 days. Last week’s win was followed with a second place at the weekend and Dave has now amassed $3688 in his Vegas fund beating over 1,500 other players along the way.
Mazel tov to Lewis on his great new job at FFW.
How to?
I wrote this one myself.
http://www.wikihow.com/Do-Nothing
Quote of the night
Lee: “We (Total) do more for the environment than a lot of companies”
Lewis: “Yeh, Buncefield”
Article of the week (from Vic for Barry)
http://business.scotsman.com/index.cfm?id=1290842006
Brainteaser
Congrats to Dave on winning last week’s brainteaser. The correct answer was D. Poison – replace the word ‘times’ with ‘X’. See below for this week’s brainteaser.
As you are finding these too easy, here’s a slightly more tricky one. Cheating Charlie need not respond.
Eight and five, last name and given,
We are one six six six even;
The first in cow, the last in oxen
Three in damsel, three in vixen.
Question: What are we called?
Cheers to guest bloggers Barry then Dan.
In a huge first hand Sharon won early chips with AQ versus Barry’s AK and Lewis’s A 10. The flop included a Q and 10. This was followed with a big second hand of the night as 2 pair Jude came up short against Dan’s straight on the river.
Dave built an early lead with a straight versus Lewis.
Short-stacked Lewis went all in and with a flop of AA6 Lewis must have been worried. Sharon held 22, Lewis held 44 and Barry held JJ. Incredibly the turn and the river brought two more Js giving Barry JJJJA (photo to come).
Jude doubled up with KK before exiting shortly afterwards.
Barry came unstuck to another straight from Dave and was KO’d the following hand with 10 7 despite hitting a 10 on the flop. Charlie scared Dave off and then revealed a weak looking up and down straight draw before hitting the A to send Barry to the sofa.
In a big pot, Dan and Dave both hit straights but Dan had the higher one. Dan then doubled up versus Dave.
Dean fell to Dave’s pocket rockets. Incredibly Dean hit a King high flush on the turn but the river gave Dave the nut flush. Adios amigos.
Lee was out next hand with 2 pairs versus llan’s trip Qs. If anyone is reading this they must surely know that 2 pairs is a crap hand that fucks you royally virtually every time. Shame I didn’t learn from this in game 2.
Charlie was given the old one-two by Sharon. First she smelt a bluff with an A to a straight on the board and called a big raise to decimate Charlie. Sharon then finished Charlie off with a pair of Js.
Ilan was then out with 88 versus Sharon’s A4 hearts – 2 pairs holding up for once.
I arrived to take over blog recording and seemed to be the kiss of death for monster chip leader Dave.
Sharon fell very unluckily to Dan – both had J8 suited but runner runner clubs brought Dan the flush to take us heads up.
In a massive swing hand, Dave raised 2 piles of reds after a flop of 5 10 3 (2 spades) and Dan called. After the turn Dave raised 3 piles of reds and Dan went all-in and Folding Golding folded.
The final hand saw Dan’s top pair KK versus Dave’s bottom pair and flush diamond draw. The Ks held up. Well done to the both of you.
Game 2 (1st Dean, 2nd Charlie, 9 players)
I hit two pairs on the turn (77 88) and raised only for Dave to re-raise and then go all-in on the river. Dave had hit the nut straight with a deceptively cuntish 8 on the turn.
I was out the next hand with A8 and top pair on the flop. Lee and Charlie both needed a 5 to make a straight and they both got it to share my chips. The dirty bastards.
With a flop of 459 Barry and Charlie exchanged £5 raises and Charlie won a big pot with 9s and Ks.
Lee disappeared for about 20 minutes to find a CD.
Barry beater (aka Charlie) KO’d Barry with another one-two combination. The final hand saw Charlie’s 33 up against Barry’s AQ. The flop came Q (Barry rather pleased with himself), 3 (Charlie even more pleased with himself), 5, 2, J.
Dave then used his second pocket rockets of the night to good effect to KO Lewis.
Lee continues without notes….
Remaining was Dave, Dean, Charlie, Lee, Dan & Ilan.
Next major hand saw Dave and Dan betting into each other - Dan went all in pre-river. Dave called with the nut flush - Dan showed 2 pairs - river came to pair the board and give Dan a full house - at which point Dave had a little chuckle before threatening to kill Dan, his family, friends, pets, friends of pets etc..
Lee was short stack, small blind and it was time for a move - 3 players call, Ilan went all in, lee
called, Dan & Dave called - Ilan hit top pair lee the straight to ko Ilan.
There followed much moaning and groaning - admissions of defeat all round etc the usual reaction to lee winning a big pot - completely forgetting that it was probably only the third hand he won all night!
Dave was next to exit - Dan followed having taken a verbal volley from an outraged Dean - who
should now thank Dan as it served to wake him from the semi coma he was about to enter - if Dean was now awake - the next hand he was something close to alert and battle ready..
Dean & Charlie in the hand - flop brings 5 5 8 Charlie & dean keep pulling each others plonkers
(raising, calling) turn comes 5 - more pulling - river nowt - (at this point Deans end of the
table has risen (yet his hands are both on the table??) Dean goes all in - Charlie fails to spot
the table position or Deans high pitch voice and calls with an 8 (full house) - Dean shows him the
fourth 5 - to take a monster lead.
next hand Charlie and lee tangle - flop is KK5 small bets - turn is Q river A - lee's all in
shows KKK - Charlie has hit a straight with J 10 - looks confused - says thank you - nearly gets glassed - we are heads up.
Didn’t last long Dean 10 9 - Charlie 10 6 - 10 on the flop - good night from Charlie and Dean is
quietly clawing his way back.
Conversation topics
With Labour MPs and aides dropping like flies it provoked plenty of discussion. Some prat (Dean) got Lewis started on mobile phones and there was a long discussion about the crapness of Dean’s Motorola phone. At least none of you have resorted to this. See http://today.reuters.co.uk/news/articlenews.aspx?type=oddlyEnoughNews&storyid=2006-09-07T050713Z_01_N06184750_RTRIDST_0_OUKOE-UK-LIFE-SALVADOR-PRISONERS.XML&src=rss
Dean read some interesting titbits from local paper ‘The Archer’.
Life at Accenture
Dan kept on muttering about having 3 hours work to do. Dean was reading a couple of completely unintelligible documents.
Musical interlude
We were serenaded by South Park songs including La Resistance Medley, Uncle Fucka and Blame Canada (which was actually nominated for an Oscar). See lyrics below for the Uncle Fucka song.
Terrance: Shut your fucking face uncle fucka
You're a cock sucking ass licking uncle fucka
You're an uncle fucka, yes its true
Nobody fucks uncles quite like you
Phillip: Shut your fucking face uncle fucka
You're the one that fucked your uncle, uncle fucka
You don’t eat or sleep or mow the lawn,
You just fuck your uncle all day long
(farting noises)
Terrance: Hmm!
(farting noises)
(laughing)
(farting noises)
Policeman: What's going on here?
(farting noises)
People: OOOoooooooooooooh
Fucker fucker uncle fucka uncle fucka fucka fucka fucka
T & P: Shut your fucking face uncle fucka (Terrance: uncle fucka)
Terrance: You're a boner biting bastard uncle fucka
Phillip: You're an uncle fucka I must say
Terrance: Well you fucked your uncle yesterday
Everyone: (laughing)
People: Uncle fucka... thats
Everyone: U-N-C-L-E fuck you Uncle
Fuckaaaaaa tonight...
Phillip:Suck my balls
In researching the blog, I came across the following, which is quite interesting.
The show's opening theme song is an original musical score performed by alternative rock band Primus. The song has been remixed twice in the course of the series, and certain lines have been altered (see below).
Kenny's lines in the song, like the rest of his speech in the show (with the exception of two lines in episode 807, The Jeffersons, and when he says "Goodbye, you guys" in South Park: Bigger, Longer, and Uncut) are muffled by his parka hood, which covers his entire face except for his eyes. Kenny actually says from season 1 to 2 "I like women with big vaginas. I'm also a fan of big, fat titties," in season 3-4 he says, "I've got a 10-inch penis. Use your mouth if you want to clean it," and then from season 7 on he says "Some day I'll be old enough to stick my dick in Britney's butt." The general unintelligibility of Kenny's lines has helped them avoid being censored by television networks on a number of occasions, although the gist of it can usually be understood. It is sometimes easy to comprehend the lines, given the context in which they are delivered.
More info at http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/South_park
Jewish first base
This is quite amusing.
http://www.veoh.com/videoDetails.html;jsessionid=602BE0E131AED13C0BD97C1E14D65B54?v=e107067WHhNhRh4
Mazel tov
Congrats to Dave on back-to-back top 2 finishes in online poker in just 8 days. Last week’s win was followed with a second place at the weekend and Dave has now amassed $3688 in his Vegas fund beating over 1,500 other players along the way.
Mazel tov to Lewis on his great new job at FFW.
How to?
I wrote this one myself.
http://www.wikihow.com/Do-Nothing
Quote of the night
Lee: “We (Total) do more for the environment than a lot of companies”
Lewis: “Yeh, Buncefield”
Article of the week (from Vic for Barry)
http://business.scotsman.com/index.cfm?id=1290842006
Brainteaser
Congrats to Dave on winning last week’s brainteaser. The correct answer was D. Poison – replace the word ‘times’ with ‘X’. See below for this week’s brainteaser.
As you are finding these too easy, here’s a slightly more tricky one. Cheating Charlie need not respond.
Eight and five, last name and given,
We are one six six six even;
The first in cow, the last in oxen
Three in damsel, three in vixen.
Question: What are we called?
30 August (D&J's house) £0 profit – “Swiss assassin rapes Dan”
Game 1 (1st James, 2nd Barry, 9 players)
I won a few early chips with a flush versus Dean and Dean won a few off Ilan showing AAAQQ although Ilan had already folded.
I raised £5 versus Dan with 4 to a straight flush and a straight on the board and persuaded Dan to lay down his Q high over-straight. I had two pairs on the flop which got worse and worse.
Ilan doubled up against Jude with JJJKK versus a straight. One hand later Barry won a big pot against Dan with JJJKK again.
Lee KO’d Dan with lucky trip 7s.
James doubled up against Jude with a flush versus Jude’s 2 pairs.
Jude was then very short stacked and got very lucky (particularly given that I thought she’d exited the previous hand to James) to double up against me with a lucky 8 on the river.
Dean then outkickered Ilan with A10 versus A8 to knock him out.
Jude was on a roll and doubled up against Dean with 2 pairs.
I was then knocked out by Dean who had 22 that tripped up versus AQ suited.
In a big pot for Barry, Lee (96) and Jude (QQ) fell to Barry’s A6 with a flop of A77.
James KO’d Dave with A2 suited versus 77. An A was the first card on the flop.
Dean went all-in with A7 versus James A5. A lucky 5 came – a sign of what was to come.
Heads-up James had most of the chips and made quick work of Barry with A 10 versus A 2 the winning hand.
Game 2 (1st James, 2nd JJ, 8 players)
The game started with Dave standing on the box of jelly beans and mixing them up into a real fruit cocktail. The person who moved the box to the floor kept very quiet.
Dean took early chips from Barry with a higher kicker and then finished off the job with a straight versus pocket 5s.
I doubled up against Dave with AA versus A8. 8 on the flop. Dean KO’d Dave with a full house 55599.
Dan KO’s Lee.
James doubled up with AK versus Dean’s A9.
IJ tripled up with QQ and then doubled up with AAA99 on the river versus Dean’s flush.
Dean gained some revenge doubling up with A3 versus Ilan’s A6.
Dan (78) raised after the flop (478) with 2 pairs and James went all-in with 8J. The turn and the river were 10s to shock Dan with yet another awful bad beat.
Dan promised revenge and doubled up against IJ with wired 4s and then destroyed Ilan with A10 versus AQ.
Dan looked down at AA and must have thought his recovery from the previous bad beat was complete. He’d forgotten about the Swiss assassin James though (see pic below – ignore the tache). Dean went all-in with J5 and James accidentally went all-in with QJ suited. Dan immediately called. The flop was 7KA – making trip As. The river brought a 10 though making a miracle straight for lucky James and Dan felt like he’d been raped.
Heads-up it was only going to be the assassin’s night and despite one double up with 22 (which tripped up) for me versus A 10 the game ended shortly afterwards with A7 holding up against K 10. For the record, Dean owes me £10.
Conversation topics
Dave provided some insight into quiz questions where the question is “what creature is an X”. The answer is always a bird or a fish.
Apprentice USA featuring a frum Jew has started.
Life at Accenture
Beware those Blackberries. See http://survey.sky.com/morethan/Default.asp?id=2&sarticle_id=273
Dean is enjoying life as a 4.1. Dan seemed quite stressed with work not to mention the bad beats (more later).
Mazel tov
Busy week for mazel tovs.
Be’sha’ah tovah to Sharon and Lee on the forthcoming arrival.
Mazel tov to Jude and Dean on their respective birthdays, 7th wedding anniversary and the 19th anniversary of Dean’s barmitzvah.
Mazel tov to Caroline and Barry on their 8th wedding anniversary.
Mazel tov to James and Dalya on their 9th wedding anniversary.
How to?
http://www.wikihow.com/Shuffle-and-Cut-a-Deck-of-Cards-One-Handed
Quotes of the night
James: “I was ahead all the way from the river”
Dean (the hand after a bad beat): “Not on tilt at all I’ll go all-in”.
James (before calling): “What’s the time?”
Anon (can’t remember): “Dean’s a monster and he’s got loads of chips”
Useful website
http://www.createagift.co.uk/ for personalised calendars etc
World’s shortest man
http://news.sky.com/skynews/picture_gallery/picture_gallery/0,,30000-1232468,00.html
Brainteaser
Congrats to Barry on winning last week’s brainteaser. The correct answer was Habit. See below for this week’s brainteaser.
If E times ILE equals BANISH, and TE times T equals BOOK, what does TO times IN equal?
A. BREATH
B. TEASER
C. RUTABAGA
D. POISON E. COPPER
I won a few early chips with a flush versus Dean and Dean won a few off Ilan showing AAAQQ although Ilan had already folded.
I raised £5 versus Dan with 4 to a straight flush and a straight on the board and persuaded Dan to lay down his Q high over-straight. I had two pairs on the flop which got worse and worse.
Ilan doubled up against Jude with JJJKK versus a straight. One hand later Barry won a big pot against Dan with JJJKK again.
Lee KO’d Dan with lucky trip 7s.
James doubled up against Jude with a flush versus Jude’s 2 pairs.
Jude was then very short stacked and got very lucky (particularly given that I thought she’d exited the previous hand to James) to double up against me with a lucky 8 on the river.
Dean then outkickered Ilan with A10 versus A8 to knock him out.
Jude was on a roll and doubled up against Dean with 2 pairs.
I was then knocked out by Dean who had 22 that tripped up versus AQ suited.
In a big pot for Barry, Lee (96) and Jude (QQ) fell to Barry’s A6 with a flop of A77.
James KO’d Dave with A2 suited versus 77. An A was the first card on the flop.
Dean went all-in with A7 versus James A5. A lucky 5 came – a sign of what was to come.
Heads-up James had most of the chips and made quick work of Barry with A 10 versus A 2 the winning hand.
Game 2 (1st James, 2nd JJ, 8 players)
The game started with Dave standing on the box of jelly beans and mixing them up into a real fruit cocktail. The person who moved the box to the floor kept very quiet.
Dean took early chips from Barry with a higher kicker and then finished off the job with a straight versus pocket 5s.
I doubled up against Dave with AA versus A8. 8 on the flop. Dean KO’d Dave with a full house 55599.
Dan KO’s Lee.
James doubled up with AK versus Dean’s A9.
IJ tripled up with QQ and then doubled up with AAA99 on the river versus Dean’s flush.
Dean gained some revenge doubling up with A3 versus Ilan’s A6.
Dan (78) raised after the flop (478) with 2 pairs and James went all-in with 8J. The turn and the river were 10s to shock Dan with yet another awful bad beat.
Dan promised revenge and doubled up against IJ with wired 4s and then destroyed Ilan with A10 versus AQ.
Dan looked down at AA and must have thought his recovery from the previous bad beat was complete. He’d forgotten about the Swiss assassin James though (see pic below – ignore the tache). Dean went all-in with J5 and James accidentally went all-in with QJ suited. Dan immediately called. The flop was 7KA – making trip As. The river brought a 10 though making a miracle straight for lucky James and Dan felt like he’d been raped.
Heads-up it was only going to be the assassin’s night and despite one double up with 22 (which tripped up) for me versus A 10 the game ended shortly afterwards with A7 holding up against K 10. For the record, Dean owes me £10.
Conversation topics
Dave provided some insight into quiz questions where the question is “what creature is an X”. The answer is always a bird or a fish.
Apprentice USA featuring a frum Jew has started.
Life at Accenture
Beware those Blackberries. See http://survey.sky.com/morethan/Default.asp?id=2&sarticle_id=273
Dean is enjoying life as a 4.1. Dan seemed quite stressed with work not to mention the bad beats (more later).
Mazel tov
Busy week for mazel tovs.
Be’sha’ah tovah to Sharon and Lee on the forthcoming arrival.
Mazel tov to Jude and Dean on their respective birthdays, 7th wedding anniversary and the 19th anniversary of Dean’s barmitzvah.
Mazel tov to Caroline and Barry on their 8th wedding anniversary.
Mazel tov to James and Dalya on their 9th wedding anniversary.
How to?
http://www.wikihow.com/Shuffle-and-Cut-a-Deck-of-Cards-One-Handed
Quotes of the night
James: “I was ahead all the way from the river”
Dean (the hand after a bad beat): “Not on tilt at all I’ll go all-in”.
James (before calling): “What’s the time?”
Anon (can’t remember): “Dean’s a monster and he’s got loads of chips”
Useful website
http://www.createagift.co.uk/ for personalised calendars etc
World’s shortest man
http://news.sky.com/skynews/picture_gallery/picture_gallery/0,,30000-1232468,00.html
Brainteaser
Congrats to Barry on winning last week’s brainteaser. The correct answer was Habit. See below for this week’s brainteaser.
If E times ILE equals BANISH, and TE times T equals BOOK, what does TO times IN equal?
A. BREATH
B. TEASER
C. RUTABAGA
D. POISON E. COPPER
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