24 August (S&L’s house) £20 loss – “I saw a dwarf in Canary Wharf”

Game 1 (1st Dave, 2nd Ilan, 10 players)

Ilan took chips of Lee early on with trip 9s and Barry did the same with a straight against Vic.

Vic won a large pot against Sharon and Scott with a straight and Sharon did the same to Dan with a nice full house 10 10 10 8 8.

I won a healthy pot with pocket cowboys versus early chip leader Ilan.

Scott hit Vic where it hurts with QQ versus KK. Vic called Scott’s all-in in a flash only for the first card to be a Q. Serves you right for being negative when you saw you were a massive over-dog (new word I just created).

Barry was KO’d by me with 77 versus 55 and a flop of 334.

I lost loads of chips to Dan who went all-in post flop with AA. I called with QQ.

Short stacked Sharon went all-in with a flush draw and low pair and fell to Charlie’s top pair.

Pyramid Dave (his chip stacking was inspired by the Egyptians this week) was very lucky in two large pots to claim a monster lead. First A5 came good against Vic’s A6 and then Dave’s QQ came good versus Ilan’s KK and Charlie’s 88.

Lee exited next hand to IJ who got a small amount of revenge on Dave with KQ hitting Qs to beat Dave’s wired Jacks.

Scott was then KO’d by Ilan and I won a few chips versus Dan with AA.

Dan was then exceptionally unlucky going all-in versus Ilan who hit runner runner to KO Dan.

Heads-up Dave got lucky again with J7 to double up against IJ’s A6. A lucky 7 hitting on the river.

IJ doubled up with JJ versus Dave’s flush draw but the end was nigh as Dave won with trip 8s versus second pair.

Game 2 (1st Dan, 2nd Vic, 9 then 8 players)

Barry hit a JJJ 44 full house to take early chips off Dave.

Charlie doubled up with a nut flush against Barry.

Lee KO’d Dave with KK.

In a telepathic hand, the first four cards were 6322 and there followed a discussion on the cards that would be beating someone holding 22. Dan was unusually quiet during this discussion and with good reason as he was holding 22 and won a large pot against Charlie. See photo below.















Vic KO’s Barry with 10 10 versus 4 4.

Dan was then shafted royally with trip 7s on the flop (flop was A27) only for IJ holding AQ to hit QQ for an astonishing full house.

I went all-in with my usual good timing. Vic (AK hearts) and Charlie called (AA) and Vic’s luck finally turned as he hit the nut flush. Charlie wasn’t impressed.

Vic continues:

A lot of the action after J left featured Ilan. First, with 2345 on the board, Ilan went straight to the point with an all in raise. I called and it was no surprise to split the pot with both of us holding the low flush. Ilan had better luck when Lee went all in pre flop with a pair of 9s. Ilan called and turned over pocket tens to send Lee to the Sofa. Ilan's demise though came soon after. With the flop showing 4 7 3 and two spades, Ilan called Dan's all in with a flush draw. Dan turned over 7 4 for two pair and it held up to the river. Ilan had him covered, but the end was not long in coming.

Dan therefore went into heads up with me with a good chip lead. However, thanks to some good cards, the positions were soon reversed. When Dan announced all in and I looked down to see pocket Kings, I couldn't wait to finish him off. Unfortunately when the board was dealt, Dan hit two pair which just about sums up my night: pocket Kings twice, call an all in twice, lose twice. Even pocket rockets weren't able to save me from this situation (the big blind just folded) and Dan wrapped it up at 1:45am.

Mazel tovs

Happy 33rd birthday to me.

Be’sha’ah tovah to Caroline and Barry who are expecting to be outnumbered with their third child in March 2007. Suggestions for names will be gratefully received. Diesel has already been suggested.

How to?

Here’s one for the ladies. Best bra purse wins a prize.

http://www.wikihow.com/Make-a-Bra-Purse

Fancy a meal here?

http://today.reuters.co.uk/news/articlenews.aspx?type=oddlyEnoughNews&storyid=2006-08-21T112143Z_01_DEL285484_RTRIDST_0_OUKOE-UK-INDIA-HITLER.XML&src=rss

http://news.sky.com/skynews/article/0,,30200-13539330,00.html

Quotes of the night

Charlie (he’s a poet but doesn’t know it): “I saw a dwarf in Canary Wharf”

Charlie (on form tonight): “Am I stupid or honest?”

Sharon about Vic: “Are you sure that’s a person?”

JJ: “Burps”
Barry: “What have you been eating?”
JJ: “Avi’s sausage”
Dave: “Who’s Avi?”

Anagrams (new feature)

Following last week’s anagram here’s a couple more:

Barry I – A so scary brain

And my favourite:

Daniel Graham – A mangled hair

For those of you who would like to try this out for themselves, see the following link: http://www.wordsmith.org/anagram/advanced.html Feel free to contribute any that you find to next week’s blog.

Websites of the week

Here’s a couple of great sites from Charlie.

http://www.i-r-genius.com/rudeplaces.html

http://www.dazbert.co.uk/sites/rudefood/

Story of the week

http://news.sky.com/skynews/article/0,,91059-1231805,00.html?f=rss

Brainteaser

Congrats to Barry on winning last week’s brainteaser. The correct answer was Golf Ball. See below for this week’s brainteaser.

HintLightning Ridge is in Australia and is famous for being the only place in the world where a certain gemstone is found.
I have one, you have one.
If you remove the first letter, a bit remains.
If you remove the second, bit still remains.
After much trying, you might be able to remove the third one also, but it remains.
It dies hard!

17 August (S&L’s house) £60 profit – “Paved Sporty (anagram)”

Game 1 (1st JJ, 2nd Dan, 7 players)

An early arse-tell gave away a strong hand for me. I then managed to hold things in to take chips off Dan with a straight on the flop. I then KO’d Dave with 10 10 10 AA versus 10 10 10 J J. Dave gracefully retired to the sofa for a rest.

In a nearly night for Barry, Barry would have hit a K high straight spade flush and then four 5s but unwisely chose to raise the first hand £4 forcing Lee out and folded the 5 in the second hand.

Dan doubled up against Sharon with trip 5s versus top pair Qs.

Lee was all-in and out-kickered Barry’s K10 with KQ.

Dan saw off Ilan with wired 8s and I KO’d Sharon with trip 9s.

Dan won a very big pot versus Barry.

Dan doubled up against decimated Barry with J 10 versus J 9 (both had top pair).

Lee then doubled up with A8 suited versus Q7 clubs. Dan KO’d Barry with a flush and I knocked out Lee with A6 versus Q5.

Heads-up versus Dan I won back the lead and the key hand was A 10 (me) versus Dan’s Q 10. Despite a Q arriving on the flop the A came on the turn to provide a welcome return to winning ways.

Game 2 (1st Lucky Lee, 2nd JJ), 8 players

Scott KO’s Dave with K 10 versus pocket 5s. A ten hit to send Dave home for some much-needed sleep.

Ilan lost early chips to Scott with 2 pairs versus a nut flush.

Barry lost it at this point struggling to work out blinds when they were 3 and 6 blacks.

Lee doubled up with KK versus 88 (Barry).

Ilan tripled up with pocket rockets versus Paul and Scott. Dan finished off Scott.

I then doubled up somewhat fortunately on the river with J5 (my former and current lucky hand) versus Paul’s A 10. I then completed my refuah sh’laimah by taking lots of chips from Dan with a nice AAA QQ full house.

Ilan doubled up with a pair of ladies and then Paulio DiBluffio (thinking he had more chips than he actually had) went all in with 45 and hit three cards for a straight against Dan’s pocket 4s.

I then KO’d Dan (A 10) and Ilan (QJ) with K 10.

Lee doubled up against Barry.

I then KO’d Paulio with trip As versus a flush draw and also saw off Barry with a straight.

That left the heavy heights heads-up and I was fuc*ing unlucky not to win. Lee (94) hit a pair of 9s on the flop and went all-in. I called with top pair Qs and Lee paired jammy 4s on the river to double up. This clearly affected me as I then bluffed when an A hit on the river only for Lee to go all-in - and I lost lots of chips. The last hand saw Lee go all-in with top pair and I called with a flush draw that never came.

Conversation topics

IJ was keen to help out a mate doing a best man speech. The challenge was to incorporate the phrase knee high in cum. The self-proclaimed winner was from my good self – “the grass was knee high in Cum-bria).

We learnt from Ilan the meaning of the word Schadenfreude (delight in another person's misfortune) and applied it to Lee first and then in massive doses to Barry. Lee and Sharon had left their car unattended in a residents parking at 8.20pm last night in town knowing full well free parking didn’t start until 8.30pm. Sure enough at 8.22pm (didn’t you see the tow truck parked just behind you?) the car was whisked away. Recovery was £200. Ouch! Lee was expecting a lot of Schadenfreude but was saved by Barry’s story. Barry was on his way to poker when he decided to fill up with petrol. Despite having driven an unleaded petrol car for several years, Barry decided to top it up with £17.48 of prime diesel despite having to force the nozzle in and then toddled off down the road for a couple of minutes making sure it got into the engine. To compound the error, Barry had recently cancelled his road recovery service. Costs to be confirmed at a later date. Ouch!!! Barry found one quote on the web which said he’d done something similar drove away fine and the car was fuc*ed for the rest of its life. Barry was considering asking for stupid-leave to take today off to sort out the car. The alternative we discussed was phoning in to say that Mondeo Isaacson (Jews have funny names) is at death’s door.

Life at Accenture

With Dean away, the truth finally came out about Dean’s so-called promotion. Lee pointed out that Dean’s new junior executive title is all too similar to his first role as executive junior.

Mazel tovs

Congrats to JJ on his forthcoming 33rd birthday next Monday. If you can be arsed, I will be going for a few drinks on TUESDAY at TGI Fridays (Mill Hill) from about 8.30pm. See address and map below.

http://www.tgifridays.co.uk/storefinder.phtml?store_id=21

Congrats to Scott for being paid an extra £9k to do exactly the same job and also to you and Dalia on your 8 year wedding anniversary.

Namesakes

This week it’s Paulio DiBluffio. See Paul’s high-class website. http://www.paullevy.co.uk/












How to?

Start them young I say:

http://www.wikihow.com/Teach-Your-Children-to-Do-Laundry

You never know when this will come in handy:

http://www.wikihow.com/Make-a-Grilled-Cheese-Sandwich-With-an-Iron

Quote of the night

Lee announcing a text from Scott: “Can I play the second game?”
Dave: “I’ll go home then”

Brainteaser

Congrats to strangely opportunistic Dave on winning last week’s brainteaser. The correct answer was Ambrosia. Charlie was a close second. See below for this week’s brainteaser.

Abuse me for I will not care.
Curse me when I stray from fair.
Brute force won't put me in my place.
Smooth and even wins the race.
Envy colours where I rest.
No sandy beaches for the best.
What am I?
HintLightning Ridge is in Australia and is famous for being the only place in the world where a certain gemstone is found.

There’s also an alternative brainteaser for Barry.

If you have filled up cars with unleaded fuel for many years, what would make you struggle (the nozzle just didn’t seem to fit) to put £17.48 of diesel in your car and then drive off?

9 August (S&L’s house) £10 profit (finally) – “Incy wincy spider”

Game 1 (1st Jude, 2nd Lee, 9 players)

Barry gained early chips from Dan with a full house 222 88 versus AJ.

Dave KO’d Sharon and Dan with QQ.

Jude won a massive pot against Barry.

IJ KO’d Barry with JJ and Barry went to collect JJ for the second game. Confusing eh?

Jude ran into Lee’s trip 7s with top pair Qs. Earlier Lucky Lee had again got AA when short-stacked.

Lee KO’d Ilan with 6 high in a high quality hand.

I arrived and Jude’s fortunes changed immediately doubling up against Dave with lucky trip 6s. Jude repeated the feat with K high and then KO’d Dave with AJ hitting three As. Three strikes and you’re out.

Jude then KO’d Vic into third place before winning out over Lee heads-up with a disciplined 22 fold and then big slick overcoming Lee’s K10. Well done Jude.

Game 2 (1st Dave, 2nd JJ), 8 players

Dan won three early pots including a monster 75p with AA.

Cheshire Cat Barry re-raised Dan’s £4 raise another £6 with the nut flush. Dan shielded himself from the glare and folded two pairs.

At this point, I listened to the sounds of crunching and munching of crisps for a few minutes.

Vic won a large pot against Dan ending up all-in and hitting trip 6s.

Dave doubled up against Barry with QQ versus A10.

Dan went all-in with a £7.75 raise and both Lee and Dave called. Lee then went all-in and Dave called. Lucky Lee hit a lucky flush to KO Dan and take chips from Dave.

Dave KO’d Ilan and then Vic KO’d Barry with 2 pairs.

Andy folded just about every hand until he finally went all-in with K3 and lost to Dave.

In the hand of the night (see below) Dave hit a straight flush on the turn to my K high flush and I lost an annoyingly large amount of chips. Thankfully I decided not to go all-in when Dave raised.

Short stacked, I doubled up with 53 against Dave and played well three-handed to earn a place heads-up against Dave. Lee fell with K5 versus Dave’s AJ.

I won a few chips and then went all-in with A5 and was unlucky (Dave’s acknowledgement noted) to lose to Dave’s K 10.

Conversation topics

The Doc provided insight into his daily routine – such as removing a bottle of moisturiser from someone’s arse in an experiment gone wrong.

Infinity – what is it? Who cares!

Sharon – stop reading here and continue at Life at Accenture.

Lee spotted a ‘giant’ spider and there was a rather comical scene as Barry attempted to catch it in a vase the size of a small house. The spider escaped the clutches of Lee, Barry and Dave. More from the spider next week.

Life at Accenture

After 8 happy years, Dean has been made-up godfather-style. The ceremony involves an official welcome from the guy at the top of the pyramid and some tips on keeping your minions loyal to the scam.

Dean missed tonight’s game as he was hurtling back and forth to Leicester. You’d have thought someone involved in outsourcing on a daily basis would realise there’s a solution to these late-night trips. You missed out on seeing a fine comeback from Jude assisted by her lucky JJ charm.

Mazel tov

To JJ for ending his shocking run of form with a hard fought second place.

To Vic on his new modelling job at LTSB – didn’t think they had much call for people with your look (and luck). Best of luck – I don’t suggest you show them your list of nicknames in earlier blogs. Welcome back to your first post-baby game.

To Barry’s grandparents on their 70th wedding anniversary.

To Liverpool for beating Haifa 2-1 at Anfield !!

New roadsigns released by Highways Agency






































































How to?

These tips will undoubtedly come in use.

http://www.wikihow.com/Survive-a-Freestyle-Rap-Battle

http://www.wikihow.com/Make-a-Rubber-Band-Ball

Quote of the night

Sharon to Dan who was feeling around in his pockets “you’re not tossing for it”
Dan “not off”

Brainteaser (new feature)

All that Glitters:

If you like pretty gems that sparkle and shine, I invite you to dig in my virtual mine.

My first is purple, fit for a king,

My second is green where Dorothy did her thing.

My third is red, July's birthstone as well,

My fourth is seen in strings and is found inside a shell.

My fifth is hard, pure Carbon and expensive to buy,

My sixth is Crocidolite, striped like the big cat's eye.

Seventh is two words, a man-made fake of April's stone,

Eighth is very dark and found at Lightning Ridge alone.

Now take from each gem, one letter in its turn, And you will find the stuff for which even the gods yearn.

First correct answer wins a special mention in next week’s blog.

Novel bar concept

http://today.reuters.co.uk/news/articlenews.aspx?type=oddlyEnoughNews&storyid=2006-08-07T033934Z_01_PEK359151_RTRIDST_0_OUKOE-UK-CHINA-ANGER.XML&src=rss

1 August (S&L's house) £20 loss – “New rule broken in record time”

Game 1 (1st Barry (I’ve got this on cut and paste as he keeps on winning the c*nt), 2nd Dan, 10 players)

The game started with a new rule about table-seating arrangements. We all had to draw from the pack of 1-10 cards and the number corresponded to our seat number. Lucky Lee was the only person that managed to avoid having to move his arse to a new seat. As with all Elite rules, this one was quickly broken – after about 20 seconds Jude and Sharon announced they wanted to sit together to natter.

Jude took early chips from Charlie with AA versus KK.

Dave was very fuc*ing unlucky (I quote) against Dan. Dave raised £5 (with 2 pairs) and Dan went all-in with KK after the flop of J6Q. The last two cards were 5 5. Ouch.

Dave was now on tilt and next hand went out holding 88 to Sharon (AQ) who hit two pairs. Charlie was kicking himself as he’d laid down 99 and would have tripped up.

Sharon gained chips from Lewis (AA KK) with a straight on the turn.

I then took short-stacked Charlie (KK) out of the game with 10 9 (876 arriving on the flop). Sweet.

In my first decent hand of the night I hit two pairs on the flop 10 10 8 8 and went all in following a re-raise from Barry. Barry had hit a straight on the flop to my absolute disgust.

Jude doubled up against Barry with trip 8s.

Lucky Lee then doubled up versus Sharon hitting runner runner runner for a flush before falling to Dean’s A8 (Dean hit a lucky 8 on the river). Dan was miffed as he had AQ but doubled up a minute later versus Dean and then knocked Dean out with a straight. That will teach him for making partner (PG).

Dan built on his lead with disguised trip 5s to KO Sharon and then KO’d Jude as well.

Heads-up Barry quickly took the lead with some aggressive poker. The key hand saw Barry’s K6 hold up against Q8 (a 6 hit although that was irrelevant).

Game 2 (1st Dean (mazel tov), 2nd Barry), 8 players

Dean won early chips with a nut flush. Lee did very well to lay down trip 5s in this hand.

Scott doubled up against Charlie who exited shortly afterwards.

I went all-in with 10 10 and was called by both Barry and Scott (also all-in). Barry won with two pairs.

Barry continues… “Dean knocked Dan out next hand with K high. Lee was out next. Then Dave (K6) went all in, Barry (AJ) called. Ace held up, Dave out. Down to Barry and Dean. Barry slight chip lead, Dean stayed awake and alert with Lee's morale boosting coaching, and had 2 hands that pretty much decimated Barry's chips and in the last hand Dean hit trip 9's on the river to take his second victory of the year. Good stuff.”

Namesakes

It’s hopefully been worth the wait so to complete the namesakes feature I introduce myself to you – a well-known actor and singer.






http://www.starseek.de/jonathan/

Life at Accenture

Dan arrived nice and early while Dean arrived at 9.45pm. Scott pointed out the irony in the fact that Lewis was the only person working at the poker table and he is out of work.

Dean was in an excitable mood as his career in pyramid selling is close to paying off. Just shows you that if you stick around long enough in these schemes they do pay off. Into the last 18 (lucky Chai). Accenture have a new pyramid scheme that starts when you make partner, but they do ask for just a little more of your time.

Mazel tov

To the Youngs on finally going wireless.

How to? (new feature)

Here’s a chance for us all to learn some new skills. This week it’s how to throw cards and how to spin a pencil around your middle finger. We’ll see how everyone can do next week.

http://www.wikihow.com/Throw-a-Card-With-Your-Thumb

http://www.wikihow.com/Spin-a-Pencil-Around-Your-Middle-Finger

Quotes on the night

Charlie: “He’s English but he’s black”

Barry: “I’ve finished now with the dentist”
JJ: “That just leaves the brain surgery then”

Fast

To all those fasting tonight/tomorrow fast well. To all those not fasting, I hope you choke.